Shock reverberates after such trauma. Didn’t see it coming… couldn’t be at a worse time… what the fa-la-la–la-la…?
Merrill Leffman divas into the disbelief with “Dumped Before Christmas.” Her confusion is only surpassed by her tonelessness.
Followin’ her to her rendezvous, Big Yayo slathers on the soulful blues with “She Left Me for Christmas.” She wha? He wha? They wha? Damn.
Static Monsters bring back the talent with an alt-pop “Just Got Dumped” that slides effortlessly into metal, then back. This is the roller coaster of repercussions, so hang on.
The announcement for the Xmas break-up is traditionally quiet, with a slammed door for punctuation.
Way underplayed is the jazzy scat from Goldentusk. “I’m Breaking up with You for Christmas” calmly takes us through the presents, surprises, and exit. Almost missed it–
Matt Roach also strums matter-of-factly through the split. “Paralyzed” is the reaction to your rapidly vanishing backside, on Christmas day. But, this fine folk tale is not done. His emotional freezing will be matched with a physical similarity. Listen to find out why.
Before Braille more prettily drops the bombshell with graphic explanations. Alt crooning makes it worse.
Man i love me some spot on hit song parodies that feature Christmas. So how could i have missed out on The Withers?! Time to rectify. (And sprinkle in a few other finds.)
1966: Buffalo Springfield releases ‘For What It’s Worth’ just before Christmas and it peaks on no. 7 of the Billboard charts, also becoming a big deal in the anti-Vietnam War movement. The Withers get hip with “What the Present’s Worth.”
1966: Hey, there are other parodiers! DeathTongue hits up the Johnny Rivers hit ‘Secret Agent Man’ from the TV deal with “Elf on the Shelf.” I spy with my little eye that that no.3 rocker is well served.</p>
1968: The Beatles rock softly with the Paul McCartney ‘Blackbird.’ The Withers play nice with their “Reindeer.”
1972: all-Rush mixtape has an adorable take on Bread’s ‘Guitar Man’ with an unapproachable “Santa Man.” The original hit number 11 on Billboard, but was no ‘Baby, I’ma Want You.’ And yet the parody is groovy gravy.
1974 Carl Douglas sold 11 million ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ singles and became one of the greatest one-hit wonders of all time. The Withers get kazoo crazy with “Christmas Lighting.”
1975: ‘Low Rider’ from War hit 7 on the Hot Singles chart, 1 on the R+B chart. Santa’s Elves fa la la it up with “Sleigh Rider.” Mr. Red’s got street cred.
1976: Blue Oyster Cult’s ‘(Don’t Fear) the Reaper’ barely broke the top ten, but had legs and was included in Rolling Stone‘s Top 500 Songs of all time. Dr. BLT’s “Don’t Fear the New Year” is not karaoke slavish to the original, it just putzes around having fun. (The Withers, natch, mock it up with “Don’t Feed the Reindeer.”)
1976: Starland Vocal Band adds to our slanglish with ‘Afternoon Delight.’ The Withers honor thy pop with “Christmas Delight.”
1978: Number 20 on Billboard’s Greatest Girl Groups Songs of all time, Sister Sledge takes ‘We Are Family’ to club levels. “We Got a Christmas Tree” by Santa’s Elves goes back to the musical roots.
2017: New contenders The Skorys take on mod pop tunes with Xmas twists. Love ’em, but they yet have room to grow. Portugal. The Man’s ‘Feel It Still’ charted strong and got swooped up for commercial and movie trailer backgrounds. Even better as the parody “Naughty List.”
2017: Selena Gomez’s ‘Wolves’ charted much better in Poland than here, but The Skorys have many funninesses with their parody “Christmas Time.”
1992: Better reviewed than bought, REM’s ‘Man on the Moon’ sparked the in-the-know party convo that alt snobs loved. The Withers get complicated with “Reindeer on the Moon.” C’mon, Rudolph.
Had some fun digging up Xmas song tributes to celebs. Damn, they were hard to find. Many were shoddy and home grown. A couple shone bright. Then i found s’more.
The Serious Brothers go white trash with The King. “It’s Another Joyful Elvis Presley Christmas” is warmed over pop rock about all the presents the family get each other featuring the one and only. Amen.
“Bye George” is Dr. BLT’s (Christmas version) eulogizing The dead Beatle, Mr. Harrison. Heartfelt folk for a bereft holiday.
A better pastiche, “We Still Miss Someone” takes on Johnny Cash’s song in Johnny Cash style, also raining on Christmas parades with memorializing. Dr. BLT has a particular set of coping skills.
A sad scenario of Xmas love loss turns into a Jackson Brown song in Jerry Becker’s “If He’d Said Anything at All.” I can’t tell how much genius i’m looking at here, folks.
Ghosts of Christmas Pastiche also get a visit from The Sponge Awareness Foundation with “An Axl Christmas.” Message received (but guitars not thrashed so much).
Bob Kevoian (of Bob and Tom morning show) unspools “It’s a Die Hard Christmas” (w/banter & bleeps & reactions) in honor of a true Christmas flick. But it IS a hoot.
More seriously musical, Fortress of Attitude gets dirty blues with “Yippie-Ki-Yay.” I dig the Al Powell solo.
Also hoot-worthy, The Brian Setzer Orchestra fills in The Flintstone‘s theme with holiday lyrics for “Yabba-Dabba Yuletide.” That is some swinging tune.
Some sportsfan-apalooza happenings include Keith Sagona’s “Andy Reid is at the Buffet.” It’s a take on ‘Coming to Town,’ but this NFL coach needs his meats.
Baltimore’s own Jojo & Kenny compliment from left field with “Cal Ripken Christmas.” Original, but mushy easy listening for all its leg-pulling.
Let’s finish up with the inappropriate. Les Issambres (French Riviera?) alt pops “It’s a Sad Sad Christmas Day. Saddam Hussein….” Apparently Ba’athist dictators can really ruin a Christian celebration. Who knew?
I scroll, i search, i sneak a peep most days for cool Christmas songs you may not have seen. For some reason, i thematize these into clumps. Each month (or so) features a concept and, since Christmas songs are about EVERYTHING, i include a hundred or so songs about Xmas about some special theme for you to peruse.
While i search for songs about Christmas bugs, i find songs about Christmas marijuana. When i narrow down to songs about Christmas pot, there’s another song about Christmas murder. But i already did that!
I’ve been known to re-edit past posts to add something phenomenal. The 28 June ’16 Manger Management post got an Axis of Awesome song added “I Love Being a Cow” a year and a half later–3 December ’17. What can I say, it was Awesome.
So i thought, why not just set aside a month every 2 1/2 years to add new songs for old ideas! Here we go…
Starting October of 2016 i posted 380 songs featuring the holiday season in the USA, state-by-state, territory-by-territory (about 80 concerning California). (Perhaps better entitled ‘MeriCa-mas.) Since then a couple more state-bound noels crept outta the composite.
5 Chinese Brothers slowly drawl out the bluesy “Christmas in Manhattan.” Childish wide-eyed glee with a jazzy back beat.
Back to the upbeat, “Christmas in Miami” is a snazzy party of high speed pop from Marc Sardou. Dancing shoes on!
“Detroit Christmas Blues” is some odd bluegrass from Tim Pak. Don’t take my word for it… click that link!
Actual blues from Shelley King introduces you to “Christmas in Austin.” Fun.
Now that you’re weirding out, Shadow Disorder percussively alts out “Christmas in Michigan” as a stalkery love song of wintry expectations. Brr. My Christmas song list just shrank.
Dulled to death by the holiday haze, the next monotone messages may include THAT WORD by disaffected default. Ain’t no thing.
The Christmas version of The Great American Trailer Park Musical includes the pick-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps jubilee “…It’s Christmas” by Susan Koozin and cast. Up with hillbilly people who swear pretty casually.
Barely able to muster the breath to complain, The Mike and Ryan Project project “Oh Fuck Me, It’s Christmas Time” onto a wrinkled sheet with a candle powered projector. The tuba helps. And cool is momentarily lost. But the swearing is automatic and unfeeling.
Guinea Worms plunkity plinks on the toy piano through “Oh F*uck, It’s Christmas Again” as if time were merely a countdown to the end. Who the f*uck cares anyway?
Some of this anti-Christmas sentiment features Backwards Jesus, otherwise revered as Satan, who intends to kill (and eat) the newborn Savior–for the holiday.
Medeia’s “Antichristmas” scourges happiness with their patented metal. Pass the baby blood. BLUE ALERT
Ice Nine Kills (also BLUE ALERT) continues the sentiment, pasting pop over metal with “Merry Axe-Mas.” Jinkeys, that’s up the butt.
CeDigest also juxtaposes melodic with menacing in “Antichristmas.” Probably BLUE ALERT, for all i can tell. Blasphemy, anyway.
Icon Park stays unmusically electronic with their “Antichristmas.” Mumbling about the luminous wintry scene hides the evil. Oh. No.
All those people, all those commitments, all that preparation–can’t i just stay on Facebook? Christmas parties are the worst.
Trampauline hos and has “I Hate Christmas Parties” with odd quiet party fun. Jacob & Alex scratch at the surface of the blues for their version, but the plodding piano marches them into maudlin. This IS a Relient K song, though, so we gotta allow these Ohioans the opportunity to build the orchestration to earn that guitar riff on the original millennial meltdown. Emo out of here!
Hate, like love, is blind. Not that it didn’t spring from some tainted source, but it blows the misunderstandings, missed opportunities, and misgivings all out of proportion.
Thusly, some ragin’ rationalizations:
Sharpece with House of Breaking Glass R+B gospelize “Worst Time of Year.” Broken heart, baby, hurts worse in a season of love. Munh-hunh.
I’m not sure, but i think Sufjan Stevens’s “That was the Worst Christmas Ever!“–also with banjo, but now more gentle folk–was spoiled due to lack of self actualization (or the dad was an abusive drunk). ‘S-hard to tell with all the new age haiku introspection.
By Surprise go appropriately offkey with their “Worst Christmas Ever.” But, see, it’s a fakeout, bc the ‘worst’ is a distant memory compared to right now–when you’re about to meet the ‘rents. (Girl, ima take it as a bad sign that he’s SO insistent–this may gonna be YOUR worst.)
The Stones are the worst–no, not Fred and Wilma! Passing lumps of salt through the urethra for Christmas? Don’t get me started! (Please, don’t. I’ve never had kidney stones.)
Norick Eve can tell you. With his daughter (last 1/2 minute), he’ll altrock you through the ordeal of “Daddy has Another Hello Kidney Stone” for Christmas. Yee-ow.
