Take a Card: letter perfect

Not quite deceased around the holidays is the dreaded copied family letter ‘catching you up’ on all the news, but more often bragging and shaming without pretense.

Previously posted (AS MY FAVORITE XMAS NOVELTY SONG) is Jonathan Coulton’s “Chiron Beta Prime,” a science fiction take on the merry missive. Didn’t see that coming.

Disturbingly emotional, “Christmas Card” by Terry Kitchen gently folk-jazzes the story of reading that family letter and remembering what he used to have with you when it was too early and he wasn’t ready. No! You‘re crying!

Let’s get laffey making fun with Ray Stevens and “Xerox Christmas Letter.” The humor involves white trash frontin’. They got nothing, see, and they want you to know it. Go ahead, howl at their misfortunes!

College Humor updates with open admissions of sociopathy and perversion in The “Honest Holiday Card Song.” Laugh at them. Do it, they’re fictional.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs: best

Let’s skip ahead to “The Best Christmas Song” by Jon Lajoie, the Canadian stoner musician comic. While this is one of those blurred lines that is more song than about-a-song, it has the golden ratio of irony (-1:1) in that it is a bad song about mittens and necks, than the best song (presumably about peace and orgasm).

Sing a Song of Singing Songs: just sing no

It’s fun to say no no no (around Christmas time we call that ‘coal mining’). That Something Piñata gets experimentally kidsong for “Don’t Play Me that Christmas Song.” Uncategorizable nonsense, but in a good way.

Dr. Elmo got famous for a Christmas novelty song. So, for an hilarious sequel, he spun out an FM DJ singing “Don’t Make Me Play that Grandma Song Again.” Ha what ha.

On the other hand, hipsters gotta hate. Todd Chappelle (funny Philly guy) parodies McCartney’s ‘Wonderful Christmastime’ to the tune of earworm dithering. Don’t you wish they would NOT play some songs? Then why’s he gotta go the ENTIRE distance?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCxInfmJDLk

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Junk on the Trunk

Let’s be honest. What’s the Christmas tree but a delivery system for gifts?

Don’t get your hopes up. The generic “Treats Under the Christmas Tree” are an excuse for The Mallon Tones to idealize their childhood. For rockabilly punk that’s progress.

Gringos Fate sing about “Christmas,” but it’s mostly about what will get put under that dressed up tree. Monstrously good below the border ‘billy.

Hyper jazz from Simon Strauß (Pachelbel influenced) excited for the presents and decorations and everything underneath our “Christmas Tree.” Children’s hope for world peace though really.

Comedy intermission: Joel Kopischke (i’ve already said) goes “Under the Tree” to the tune of ‘Under the Sea.’ He has the presents of mine to go full lounge lizard. Hah!

Sink or Swim want something good, better, worthwhile. They lightly metal their message to their “Christmas Tree” to get a decent present. Fun times, guys.

Too Much Joy act out an entire romcom with invasion rock styling for “Ruby Left a Present Underneath the Christmas Tree.” Might be a book… doesn’t matter. It’s from her.

Dave Rave & Rick Andrew rockabilly the quandry of what to put “Underneath My Baby’s Christmas Tree.” It’s a fun figuring, and suggestive of muchas smooches to boot.

Rockabilly for “Rockabilly Christmas Tree” from Al Hendrix and Jimmy Accardi. He gets it all: pomade, blue suede shoes, a Cadillac…. man oh man.

Poor folk don’t get much under the “Christmas Tree.” If they’re good they tremble in song about how they should give away what paltry bit they do get to another sufferer–even a piece of pie! Gospel folk from Significant Others makes this sacrifice a family legend.

Most of the romance around the Christmas tree has been noted elsewhere, but Chris Zindie ‘s chanty odd folk “All I Want Under the Christmas Tree” describes a gift that’s big and heavy (it’s you). I wanted the poor guy to escape the notice of the romantic police, ’cause he’s in trouble for his fun little song.

Funnyman Rodney Carrington tries on big band swing for “The Presents Under the Tree (Better be for Me).” He does care what he gets, and he’s a bit judgy.

Snow Way: flakes the iii

Well, you might not just love your snowflakes. You might FEAR them. Get weirded out by Shad Weathersby as he’s “Chasing Snowflakes.” Children of the cornstarch! Aiee!

Don’t forget about God! Michael Peace lays on the lounge act seeing Jesus in “SnowFlakes.” He means it.

Less serious is Moss Grad with his science presentation to the tune of Cruz’s ‘Dynamite’ “Dendrite Snowflake Song.”

Crushing comedy into an icy ball is Jenny Stafford at The Musical Theater Factory, sitting all y’all down for that talk about uniqueness and snowflakes in, y’know, song. “The Snowflake Song” goes on a bit, but stays amusing.

Tim Hawkins sings that same message to his own children. His “Snowflake”? Better singing, but harshly abrupt. Did i mention funny?

Ghost of Christmas Pastiche: Yoko Ono

Beatles wrecker Yoko Ono may have only been understood by her not-quite-there poet husband John Lennon, but oh well never mind. I don’t get her either.

Yoko’s Christmas Song” captures some of that oddity in a seasonal mailer to fans.

And Guppy Pie has a sweet little ‘Imagine’ parody purporting to be a Christmas song (mostly about John).

Jaycub Howard goes for the jugular with “A Christmas Gift from Yoko Ono.” It’s the sort of joke that’s funny to inflict on others.

Social Overload goes overboard with the same joke in “A Very Yoko Christmas.” Okay this was a bad idea.

Consume-mas Quantities: does this taste funny?

Some holiday food songs are easy to digest comedy. Many of those would be Jewish.

The Maccabeats make parody of Walk the Moon’s ‘Shut up and Dance’ with “The Latke Recipe.” Take note: you can make them too (the latkes, not the parodies).

Sam Glaser also goes parody with Otis Redding’s ‘My Girl’ fried into “Latkes.” Nice rock homage.

Kids’ songs are funny without meaning to be. In re: The Kiboomers’ “I Like to Eat Latkes.” What a song! Maybe that’s delight scrubbing away my cynicism…  Wait, ketchup? Naw, that’s ironic! right? Shira Kline also shouts with the kids for “Lots of Latkes.” In Hebrew. More showtune style, Danna Banana plays “La-La-La-Latkes” with a grand klezmer backing. Maybe not for kids.

JocJar’s Mom has a little ditty about latkes. “The Latke Song” is sung from the point of view of the potato pancake, however, and the hilarity ensues from its existential crisis.

Lauren Mayer (the “Psyco Super Mom”) bemoans the mess or making the perfect Chanukah grease bomb in “Latkes, Shmatkes,” complete with cartoon dancing fritters. She’s a hoot and her klezmer is enabled by kazoo.

Mo’Sho has found a new rhyme with latke and celebrates with “The Latke Song.” It may be modern schtick, but it’s strictly Catskills. (Psst–the new rhyming word starts with ‘v.’)

MC Flow has also added a little sumpin sumpin to the latkes. “Pot in the Latkes” features sirens, in-jokes, and hip hop. Dreidel responsibly.

The LeeVees pretend to be serious with their crack-up “Applesauce vs. Sour Cream.” Fun folk food fusion.

Now, don’t call foul, but i’m going to finish up the comedy section with a Christmas song. Paul and Storm are a bit local for me. And cool nerds. Their “Grandma’s Christmas Dinner” is millennial fun with irreverent and horrifying humor. Roll over and play dead.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-7

Eban Schlepper starts his “Song of the Working Elves” singing, then devolves into a comedy bit. After a violent, horrifying message about our own culture we get back to the music. Santa once again is off the hook: it’s the system to blame. We get the toyland we deserve. Skippety-doodle ding dong day.

Baby It’s Cold: 1957 goofy, goofier, goofier

Comedy novelty for this year seems unintentional, or at least so over the top as to be as odd/offensive as amusing.

I’ve already referenced Buchanan and Goodman’s “Santa and the Satellite.” But i remind you of that ’57 goodie in order to introduce another dynamite DJ, Mad Milo. “Elvis for Christmas” is what radio spinners did for kicks back then. Kids were supposed to dig it.

Elvis and even Johnny Cash were lifting country music to a new, danceable level. Old soldiers, like George Jones were being left behind. Mr. Jones knew how to spin a sad tale of common woe, even for the holidays. “Maybe Next Christmas” certainly does that. But in “New Baby for Christmas” George takes us to a dance floor he hadn’t visited before. It’s kinda wacky.

Country was a bumpy rutted road to follow to higher hills. Jimmy Dean was getting his feet under him in 1957, Perhaps someone thought he oughter follow Gene Autry’s ‘Rudolph’ novelty route with an odd ode:”Little Sandy Sleighfoot.” I know this little ‘children’s’ number helped his career, but gee whiz–it’s awful.

For a legitimate dose of comedy, consider the borscht belt babbling of Eddie Lawrence. A year before, his ‘Old Philosopher’ charted well. Comedians (not ‘stand ups’ back then, but ‘monologists’) did NOT chart. “The Merry Old Philosopher” was a holiday follow-up to that previous spirit-lifting hit. Not to be confused with “That Holiday Spirit” which was the dark side of can-you-top-this rambling. Look up The Old Philosopher to discover the cult-like following he generated.