Year-round Yuletide oddities
What to make for Xmas? Throw it all in a 9 x 12 and call it good.
“Aunt Clara’s Christmas Casserole” by ‘Clara’s Kinfolk’ (Probably Jack Servello) warns family of the dreaded elderly traditional potluck. Careful with that hee haw humor, it’ll grow an ad-lib on your reunion the size of a confabulation.
The Christmas Chids work up a sweat with their “Casserole of the Bells.” It sure is pretty. Lean in if you want to feel the full flavor. That cathedral sized echo may make you miss some.
There will be a time to be named in the days to come when we will visit nations thither and yon and know their Christmas songs.
This is not that time.
But, to honestly discuss foods for yule fuel, mention and attention must be paid to the descendants of Romulus and Remus. No “Italian Christmas Time” can be sung without scraps of food fitting into the chorus. Mike KC authenticates, with a little help from ‘finicula finiculi.’
Granting equal time, the ‘Irish’ applied to “Christmas Time Spaghetti” from Max DeGroot (featuring his imaginary helium voiced bear friend, Tipper) admits to the coopting of international foods, rather than some bizarre post-colonial power struggle. I mean, it IS a kids’ song. And a darling li’l parody of ‘Kilarney.’
No time for that banquet? Fast food for Christmas, baby.
The Fast Food Rockers don’t actually sing about fast food in their song “The Fat Food song (Festive Edition).” The original is the old camp song about the Bell, KFC, and Mickey Ds. This mentions turkey, but envelopes you in a hysterical hyperactive British shock treatment.
The seminal sensation in greasy high mass foods is “Ding, Fries are Done” originally from the Robert Lund album Elves Gone Wild 2003. While there have been so-called “ghetto” versions [BLEEPED BLUE ALERT], and “rap” take-offs, and even an “old world carolers” bit, the world knows this from the Family Guy show.
Another Christmas sandwich?! Holy hamburgers, Jesus!
Honorable mention to the end credits of the Sinbad movie ‘Houseguest’ wherein he and Phil Hartman sing holiday hamburger hymns. Hardee’s-har.
The Pork Guys get more visceral with their party punk “Rudolph Burger… Hold the Nose.” We’ve covered reindeer meat for Xmas feasting before, but the burger category is a little lean, so i submit this anthem of mayhem to warm your nights.
Jason Johnson goes full country parody topping off Alabama’s ‘Christmas in Dixie’ with pickles mayo for his “Christmas at Wendy’s.” This is what we here in R&D at novelty Christmas music dot com look for in prize playables from our lab to your home.
The Fairy Tale Pops is the 21st century version of sweatshop kids’ music. They crank out albums into dollar bins based on fairy tales Disney made movies out of but don’t own the Grimms’ copyrights to.
I don’t mean to malign their talent, verve, or business acumen (although their fan site has “0 fans” as of this writing). I think this flashy, percussive, bubblegum is just as good for children as Mozart in the womb. It has a formative place in human development.
I say all this because they have a complete album devoted to a particular Christmas cookie: The Gingerbread Man’s Christmas.
Featured tunes include the swinging pop “Gingerbread Man, Gingerbread Man” set to ‘Silent Night,’ a sassy ersatz-rock “The Chase,” and sweet harmony country style “Sweet and Tasty Pastry.” Set to ‘Up on the Housetop’ “The Great Christmas Eve Cookie Calamity” sets the whole story up, however, with vertiginous rhythms and electronic orchestrations out of science fiction.
“Away in a Manger” is a courtly reverence from the late 19th C.
It’s a Death Metal Xmas (I think that’s the name of the group) plays “Away” games meaning Devil whenever it refers to Jesus. What pure anger, what absolute irony!
The Blind Boys of Alabama (featuring George Clinton and Robert Randolph) completely rearrange “Away” with mighty blues and a dawning of the funk. God!
Bob Francis takes it “Away” with a lounge lizard lipping on the Lord. He-e-e-e-y!
The Go Go Boys homosexualize the whole magilla with “Away with a Stranger.” Don’t blush, this is the least explicit of these queer chorusers. It’s almost romantic (for a Christmas vacation hookup).
Posting for February makes me misty-eyed for amor. I wanna ship you and you and you and you and YOU! To set the mood, we’ll decorate with a parasitic plant over doorways. A couple hundred years ago, English servants, so they say, found this frolic friendly enough. Rules may have included removing one of the white berries for each kiss limiting the playful pecks to but a few.
First off, some totally legit pop songs deal with this… yawn… bleary…what…
The only reason I might mention you J.B.’s song “Mistletoe,” is because of Key of Awesome’s totally rad parody. These guys (Mark Douglas and Ben Relles and Todd Womack) have been cranking out viral videos for 10 years–millions of youtube subscribers and billions of views. Worth it.
We want to keep merry and bright during the holidays so we keep looking for that MASH smart aleck-ness of those over seas horsin’ around.
Look no further. Zack Applewhite has sent home a parody-song letter that might be funny. Welcome to the “U.S. Marine Parody of ‘Up on the Housetop.'” Ha ha, it’s sandy over there!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61bPptqRyz8
You knew this was coming.
Tracey Rich posts a cute slide show to accompany somebody’s “Chanukah with the Chipmunks.” Oddly these rodents don’t ask for as much as their Christian counterparts.
Slightly confusing is Alison Faith Levy (helped by Karla Kane) strumming away as earnest as a rabbi on Larry King Live with “All I Want for Chanukah is a Ukulele.” Oy gevalt.
Mr Palindrome tweaks the old ‘Hippopotamus’ novelty just the slightest which only adds fuel to the fire over whose holiday is ripping off whose. Nice trombone touch on his “I Want a Hippopotamus for Hanukkah.” The Jimmies rock their version if you feel like some real music. (Sadly the want another one for Kwanzaa.)