Year-round Yuletide oddities
Mall Santas may disrespect the magic of Christmas, done poorly. But there are naughty songs about how awful it gets (that means sex, mommy).
“Mall Santaz” are gangsta playas as playfully rapped by Pineapple Posse. Lots of obscenity for the kids here!
Is Xmas about the presents? You know better than to fall into that trick question trap. What should you really be into for the holidays? Well, imma tell you:
Lil B gets what for from his mama in “No Presents,” a rap battle of mediocre proportions. I do hope he learns to lessen.
The Sowell Family bands together for bluegrass and preachin’ in “It’s Not Christmas.” Turns out presents are the least of your hopes. No tree, nor snow, nor–i’m not sure but maybe not even–family matters. You better pray you figure out what does.
Pony Death Ride lands on what’s important with their “Nothing Beats Old People at Christmas.” No specifically eschewing gifts (they didn’t get you any bc they ‘thought you would be dead’), this BLUE ALERT irony must be heard, because millennials.
It gets worse. Those who break rules mayn’t bend to Santa’s edict of No Presents for Christmas. It may make ’em worser.
BearRon threatens legal action to Mr. Red Suit in his short pop folk “Nuttin’.”
Nomy’s “Merry Fucking Christmas” delivers an empty sack of ’90s techno rock to this psycho bad boy. Wishing Santa would die with profanity won’t get your many wish lists filled. Love the song, though, ‘swhy i gotsa repeat it. BLUE ALERT, kay?
One of the consequences of office Christmas party ribaldry is the casual hookup and subsequent shame spiral that can cripple a corporation. It’s the reason for the season, or at least a good way to win money betting on the office Xmas scorecard. (Gillian undressed in the copy room before 5 PM! 50$ for me!)
Johnny Fritz ushers in the ‘what-the-heck’ with “The Office Christmas Party.” Easy listening light rock just shows to go how naive is this guy. Romance isn’t that easy, bra.
Mickey John bull has a sing along darkly pop number in “The Office Christmas Party.” Get HR on the horn, pronto. We need more sensitivity training.
The predatory approach from Samantha Fields makes the easy listening pop of “The Office Christmas Party” sinister, like a 1930s man-hungry cartoon character.
Nastiness without the obscenity, “X-Rated Christmas Office Party” from Lil Poverty Angels is electronica rap that reads as more wish list than rap sheet.
The aftermath of messed up assignations may result in “Office Party Blues” an electric piano rocker of petty proportions from the Jacobsen Brothers.
A broken heart mars We Grow Up’s “Office Christmas Party,” in which alt crash-and-burn begins at the company revels. How ironic.
Now that we’re depressed, let’s dive into the dumps with the scratchy folk of Fugitives and “Christmas at the Office Party.” Ah, nihilism for Christmas. BLUE ALERT
Rudy Casoni brings the Sinatra-style mash with the progressively crazier “Office Christmas Party.” Yikes. Lounge BLUE ALERT
It takes two to tango, and maybe only two to make a warm Xmas party.
R Kelly wants ‘everyone around,’ but the R+B cool here is reserved for his baby. “Christmas Party” is full of orgasmic moaning.
Savanna Cole fronts Going Spaceward with a fun folk pop story of a possible meet cute at “The Christmas Party Song.” Aww, love. Call Hallmark! (But skip the post-song breakdown.)
Take a trip with me to Poke Music to hear Jessica Banks vamping up “Get This Christmas Party On.” Short, sultry, jazzy, seductive: worth it.
“Christmas Party” for Blowfly is all naughty. Disco Motown is non-stop profanity, but it comes to a satisfying end. Santa B Nastee.
War on Christmas got you down, bucko? Hit default, darling.
“Everyone’s a Christian at Christmas” debates Eric Branget, Julia Pastorius, and David Burrows from Another Fucking Christmas Play: A Fucking Musical. Didn’t the High School do that last year?
The chaos and madness of battle can drive us up the Walmart. The War on Christmas has befuddled a few.
“If There’s a War on Christmas (Christmas is Winning)” teeter totters us around the room with gleeful showtune childishness from Lauren Mayer. Oh, yes, she is Jewess. I think that’s part of it.
Macarone sultry raps out “The War on the War on Christmas.” I can dance to it, but i can’t follow the soul train of thought. (BLUE ALERT)
Are you angry about the War on Christmas? Are you angry enough? Just listen:
Baiting the right wing with taunts, Sweet Lou and the Trent Foundation seem to undermine the left with “The War on Christmas” as extremist amoralism. Rejoice with fun pop rock.
Kyle Motsinger touts out the holiday special tropes for his “War on Christmas,” an increasingly upset and uncomfortable arrangement that heats up the crappy lip syncing easy listening. You say there’s no war?! I’ll show you!! BLUE ALERT!
Wars are draw-out conflicts that grind up collateral damage like fruitcake. Is there ever a reasonable reason for a war?
Ramshackle Glory has a fun rant with their “War on Christmas.” It’s just a little too early, man. Alt poetry that’s quite against smiles.
Stiff Donut manifests their social warfare with “Class War on Christmas.” You think they hate, YOU hate with all your trees, and wreaths, and–American flags?! Garage party. BLUE ALERT
Yes, Virginia, there is a Christmas-hating tradition. We’ve been this route before. But, hawkish doom-delivering warfarers? That’s a garland too far.
You’re one of them! begins “My War on Christmas” (‘my’ being The Benefit). And you being the merry-makers of Christmas partied. Punk’s got you in its sights.
The “War on Christmas” sets guns blazing Sekcells (a fun phonetic pun). When you unleash the rap dogs of war (BLUE ALERT) they may not stop at your command any longer. The humanity! The pandas!