Category: BLUE MATERIAL

The obvious carol parody here is “Silent Fart.” These bottom shelf humorcides are mercifully short, and this bit is done by a few. Jordan Saint, however,  knows that deadly serious is funnier than winkwink. So let ‘er rip.

Less is known about the classic carol “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” than about other 19C singables. No official publication exists with authorship. Most Yule sleuths figure that guy that wrote ‘Up on the Housetop’ (school principal Benjamin Hanby) wrote this because they sound similar and came out about the sae time. The music, however, seems to come from James Pierpont’s ‘Jingle Bells,’ at least his first go at a tune–the JB we know now has another borrowed melody. A couple conspiricists even figure Montana Slim wrote JOSN, because his was the first recording.

Clement Clarke Moore’s ‘A Visit from St. Nicholas’ in 1823 made Santy a thing. Before that (like 1600) we had Father Christmas, who was variously scary or cuddly. Dickens’ Ghost of Christmas Present is the nice version. Thomas Nast cartoons enlarged on this image (made him fat). It’s right about then songs like this one get sung house to house.

Now some people gotta make trouble, so apart from it being hilarious that this song is syncopated and similar in melody to Pachelbel’s Canon in D, those folks say THAT’s where the music came from. Compare for yourself: Erin Freund, Bill Edwards, Glissandi show you harp, piano and combo clashes. (I like these ‘accidental plagiarisms’ of this ilk. The Ventures’ Christmas Album is full of these playful pairings. I’ll never forget hearing Peter Schikele sing Frost’s poem ‘The Road Not Taken’ to the tune of ‘Hernando’s Hideaway.’ Priceless)

But, to the matter at hand. Dave Rudolf has a clumsy Jamaican parody “Folly Old St. Nicholas” recounting a Santa and run on the highway. Sleigh accidents’re not that funny any more.

BLUE ALERT Overpriveleged and angry, young Hunter tries out all the profanity he can on that authority figure in “Jolly Old St. Nicholas.” Something’s got his stocking in a twist.

Richard Pepper challenges himself to write parodies every year on his blog. His “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” is short and sour.

Stan Boreson (The King of Scandinavian Humor… from the ’60s; no one dethrones the living Yogi Yorgeson–ever) along with Doug Setterberg sing the big dumb Svede variety: “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas.” It’s narrow demographic fun.

So let’s settle back on good old Samuel Stokes. His erudite logic in “Jolly Old St. Nicholas–Change Your Ways” reexamines that red-suited elf with a critical gaze. Lissen up, Nick-o. This man should be running your PR.

 

Here’s a Christmas miracle. William Chatterton Dix had an NDE way back when. Making his way back from the grim edge, he reviewed his insurance company managerial duties and took on a spiritual revival. In 1865 he wrote Celestial poetry like ‘The Manger Throne’ which he set to the music of ‘Greensleeves’ and wound up with “What Child is This?”

‘Greensleeves’ had arrived much earlier, of course, and some want it to be Henry VIII’s seductive song for his consort, Anne Boleyn. Regardless, gutter-minded historians like how green stained sleeves are a sign of naughtiness like rough rolling in the hay. That did not stop several other Christmas songs being set to the ‘Greensleeves’ tune before this one. This is the big one.

BLUE ALERT: So let’s start raw with the disgusting John Valby, who liked that nasty historical view in his own “Greensleeves.” Disease and putrescence figure in hilariously too.

The more clever fooleries to deal with ‘Greensleeves’ would include Jimi Handtrix’s “Green Tea.” Not exactly Yulesy, but clever (and speeded up so it won’t take all night). Likewise is Annie and Philo’s “Greened House“–without the chipmunk voice, that is.

Cheesehead Evan tells us ‘Here’s a song about that game’ as intro to “What Crap is This?” His complaint about a ref’s call set to today’s music is why we have the internet.

Jeanne Marino comedifies our song with her standup (at The Olive Garden?). “What Child is This?” soothes that pain people who say ‘breeders’ and roll their eyes when driving by elementary schools feel.

Also outraged, Isaac Hayes as Chef from South Park sings “What the Hell Child is This?” Apart from the opening, it’s barely a parody, even with the motown backup singers (“Mary!”).

Celebrating just being a kid is Marquis DeJolie with home movies of his granddaughter. “What Child is This?” never answers the question, however, and i think he’s going to hell for using The Exorcist devil’s voice for a song originally about Baby Jesus.

Dave Rudolf comes to the present-rescue with his “What Present’s This?” sung by Megan McDonough. Centuries ago we needed to be reminded of what the shepherds and wise men were thinking… today we need to be reminded what the real meaning of Xmas is: whose is best? (It’s a great gift mystery–wait for whodunnit at the end.)

‘Silent Night’ is so popular it comes with its own mythology. Probably around 1818 Franz Xaver Gruber (tune) and Joseph Mohr (words) worked together to celebrate the Annunciation in their Austrian berg Even Though The Church Organ was Broken! (Get the Silent part?) A recent movie and a recent documentary have been made (not in English) arguing the hows and whys of when and where it spread around the world (transl. to English like 1863, but sung in America long before that). With great availability comes great poking fun.

A Prairie Home Companion has at it with their “Unitarian Silent Night.” It’s morose and just a bit mean.

A lovely PSA comes from off duty officers of the Huddersfield South Neighbourhood Policing Team (part of Kirklees District Police) who sing their alternative Crime Prevention version of “Silent Night“. These guys go all out.

The Biggs and Barr Show do a salubrious “Silent Wife” which is not quite country and not quite passive aggressive misogynistic scat.

Keepin it Minimal is David Solomon’s short short “Silent Gnat.” Slap splat done.

BLUE ALERT Gothika emos out a crying-boy version of “Christmas Night” to our favorite tune. He’s got something to say about how badly people treat him this time of the… sorry i stopped caring.

Just as upset is Reed Garzone, student on an English project, with “Loud Day.” So many things go wrong with his petty little existence it’s a wonder we even celebrate 12/25. Sweet harmonies with Winston Hunter, though.

Above Average Productions attempts the Jewish version with “Lonely Night.” I love a note for note parody wherein you must listen carefully to the lyrics. SADD looks good your little punims!

KWIXOTIKA posted a “Violent Night” which contrasts the peace with the, well, you know. Props for the pitch imperfect falsetto setting off the pornographic graphic nature of the descriptions.

While dozens of other witless horrorshow versions of this beloved noel get unruly, unhealthy, and unholy (all the videogame lovers need their own novelty Christmas music site–although i did enjoy the Robotech-themed “Violent Night” by Sindell Pellion), i am going to cut it short with my favorite blue collar version: “Violent Night” by Snook. It’s low class suffering, but sweetly reflective enough to warrant its inspiration from the German original.