Feeling guilty yet? Let me help. Not everyone can afford Christmas. I don’t mean the fools who overspend, i mean po’ folks. What do they give/get?
DL Menard riles up a zydeco lilt with “No Christmas for the Poor.” It’s Cajun French so you won’t bum out.
Paul Kramer leans hard on that fiddle to describe his “Low Budget Christmas.” Making our own gifts, but how can bluegrass be sad?
Bad news for the family with a country downbeat. “The Gift I Can Return” is a new kind of gift from Dad to kids: moralizing, self righteous, better-than-thou love. GIVE IT!
Maudlin bluegrass from Rocky Zharp tells us about “Grandpa King’ S Last Gift.” A fitting legacy in a two dollar bill.
Michael J Thoma gets more trembly about the poor boy in church who sings “I Have No Gifts,” alluding to the Drummer Kid, natch, but resulting in a country kickstarter so the kid made dolladolla.
Weepy for can’t-pay-the-bills love, Randy Beard prays for “The Christmas Gift,” the gift of their child understanding he won’t get anything. The peripeteia is a three hankie alert!
Let’s turn that frown upside down into a profanity-laden spew! Your Favorite Martian raps out “Santa Hates Poor Kids!” BLUE ALERT Fight the N. Pole!
Very special presents might be behind closed doors.
Two for one: NewSong’s “The Christmas Shoes” is a merciless manipulator of mush (poor kid wants his dying mom to git a present). The Robert Lund parody “The Christmas Thong” slaps middle class morality ‘cross the balls. Thank you, Spaff.
Margaret Cho and Red Peters open “The Christmas Gift.” It’s fellatio. BLUE ALERT
I’ll let you work out the naughtiness of the riddim from Popcaan in “Christmas Gift.” Yes, it’s BLUE. But a great dance tune.
I like the sly sultry bluesy jazz of BadaBing BadaBoom better. “I’m Your Present” says Go Mae West, Young Man. Double entendre rawr.
Big Freedia (from The Office Christmas Party soundtrack) wants and wants (mostly cars and booty) is the party screamer “Make it Jingle.” Urban dance that won’t stop.
BLUE ALERT Lil Jon rap parody “Buy Me Presents” also gets carnal while asking for everything in sight.
Men and Machine shine a light on gimmie-ism with the bluesy electronica “Christmas Greed.” Dated but timeless ’90s screeching.
Parody help from Duncan G with Brian: “One More Gift for Us” takes its cue from Queen’s ‘Bite the Dust.’ (Mostly dissatisfied, the wankers.)
Brit punk is always about the class struggle. This time with suggestions, EDBM (feat. Sid Crowe) preach “Season’s Greedy.” Help!
Of all the great Santa-brought-gifts songs, the funniest can cut to the big reveal–it’s Dad!
Or some truckers… “Christmas Gift Convoy” from The Hot Rolls is country done road. Toot toot.
Simply questioning “The Christmas Delivery System” Nat James comically addresses his problems to the folk song syndicate to solve this magic trick. Danceable.
Brian O’Sullivan goes BLUE with the lively folk number “Santa Song.” Kids, look away!
My favorite is Nick Helm from a couple years ago “There Ain’t No Fuckin’ Santa Claus.” Brit hard rock.
Black Friday is traditionally the kickoff to Christmas shopping. It’s been a couple years since i trowled out Black Friday songs for Christmas. There have been some recent developments:
Harsh judgment from The Homeless Gospel Choir in the form of “Black Friday.” Alt, not gospel. Although prayers for the departed are included.
Real Digital Music ramps up the anger slightly for “Forget Black Friday Song!!” Listless rap; black sales don’t matter.
Rusty Cage (slightly BLUE) bebops cute kid music to underscore his deadly “Black Friday Song” message. Graphic imagery, but, y’know, y’tube.
Let’s spend some time searching, acquiring, prepping, and delivering the packages that pack the proper punch. (And NO special love messages that i-only-want-you, or Christ is the gift of God [that he hung on a tree]… no no no, we want mercantile materialism to minimize the malaise of modern madness. I said gimme gimme gimme, kay?)
So shop until we drop the pretense of what this holiday is all about.
The Russian Futurists proffer some electro-pop “100 Shopping Days ’til Christmas.” BLUE ALERT, but this is so lovestruck and iconoclast, it gets thumbs up without reservation. Dance, consumers!
One of Cledus T Judd’s less clever bits of irony is “364 More Shopping Days ’til Christmas.” You’re to never stop shopping year-round, get it? Plodding and predictable, it is still humorous. Leave it to Cledus.
Durand Bernar parties hip hop pop with “Christmas Shopping in July,” infecting us with symbolic joie de vivre bordering on dyspeptic mania. It’s about the feeling, but all good holiday songs are.
I’m coming around to the idea that some of these Christmas Tree entitled songs are jumping on the log truck bandwagon and have nothing to do with celebrating the holidays after all.
Or i can’t tell what the sap they’re talking about.
But i like the songs.
Mattie D’s “Christmas Tree” overwhelms us with percussive urgency.
Mike Red & Rai P sample off the ‘Home Alone’ movies. “Christmas Trees” lays the angry rhymes down. BLUE ALERT
Word jazz accompanied by experimental jazz (it almost tells a story…) “Black Christmas Tree” somehow from Midget Handjob. Enter at your own risk.
“Christmas Tree” from Romantic Beats may be trying to trick us, but the angelic distortion of pop music lulls me to confused submission. Ahhh.
Under the Bodhi Tree torture their “Pink Christmas Tree” with grinding club rock. But what in the dickens is it?
Does anyone sing along with metal? Twitch’s “Christmas Tree” has an angry punk message (i think) but mostly keeps time (to me). You try it.
Ditto for amped punk. EXTREME BLUE ALERT “Christmas Tree Farms” by way of Snag spews vitriol, and i guess some December framework.
180! Light gentle jazz pop from The Pearlfishers intoning some Rod McKuen-style poetic sloppiness with “A Christmas Tree in a Hurricane.” Like a musical intro for a ’80s sitcom.
Also tender, Borderline Beauty (which seems to associate the growth with peace) cries out for “Christmas Tree Without an Oh.” Folk rock on a mission to change the world through poetry.
Guy Capecelatro III has a concept album (Abandoned Christmas Trees) about existential angst which ticks off the Christmas boxes. “Chainsaw” is a folk charmer about failures. “Tinsel” bemoans our futility with experimental rock. Now go take drugs.
When the lyrics talk about losing all friends, i think i know the category for the song, but Vengaboys are so party-strange with Uncle John dying and reggae-disco beats… i give up. “Where did My Christmas Tree Go?” is for you to figure out.
Short and sweet Laura Watling’s “Christmas Trees in July” pop tinkles across the dance floor.
Jumping Through Fiery Hoops also coopts our topic oddly. “Working on a Christmas Tree Farm” is psychedelia with a folk bent and flashfast imagery to corrupt your status quo. Whoa.
I’ve listened to “Christmas Tree” by Bewitched Hands on Top of Our Heads several times and i know it’s about something, but i don’t care. Chorale rock. Art qua art, dudes.
Well, it’s the afterwards you’ve been dreading. Fight for that tree, or someone will cart its carcas to the curb.
The Nutty Squirrels want to fight to convince you “Please Don’t Take Our Tree for Christmas.” But this jazz band 1960 stinker wants the tree to stay in the forest, with the nuts. Pee-yew.
The best way to keep Christmas in our hearts all year is “Don’t Take That Christmas Tree Just Yet.” Three Chord Monkey perk up their garage with a little country, and a lotta spirit.
Merry Christmas, little baby “Don’t Touch the Christmas Tree” ‘billys A Band in Seattle. Dendricide by infant is a problem up there i understand.
BLUE ALERT Earn Your Stories angrily defends the “Christmas Trees” with a punk-centered need to believe in something. Wait, that’s not punk–unless you’re really pissed about it.
Less seriously, Piedmont Songbag wants the night to go on forever. “Don’t Take the Stockings from the Tree” is lounge jazz of the awkwardly seductive sort. Baby, look out, he’s jealous!
It’s Christmas day in my house “‘Til My Christmas Tree Come Down” ululates Mighty Magical Pants. Kids jug band with just the right sappy enthusiasm. That dead brown thing is still up!
Major Lazer reggae as well to tell ya how “Christmas Trees” are like marry-wanna.
MJX borrows ‘Carol of the Bells’ to rap down the need for weed with “Christmas Tree.” One note.
White guy Guggy and friends (Jr Blessington, Milton Blake & Nate Jones sing light it up when reggae rapping about their “Christmas Tree.” Winkety wink.
Lil Poverty Angels dabble with the rabble in their “Trap House Christmas Tree.” It’s light and fun, then lit and funky. Hip hop.
Strung out and stumbling through the rhymes Bloody Rain’s smokin’ up the “Christmas Trees.” BLUE ALERT
Not inappropriate enough. Rucka Rucka Ali is all about the poor taste with his ‘Tannenbaum’ parody “Smoke Christmas Tree.” It’s all out there. BLUE ALERT
When pure evil tragedy strikes around Christmas, what better scapegoat than that thing you spent all day doting on and bejeweling?
In fact, that thing might be a diabolical doorway to demonicry. “Christmas Tree from Hell” reminds us of two important issues: buyer beware, and ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’ is a scary melody. Listen with the lights on to Bah & The Humbugs.
They hurt me! Kill them all! is Paulette’s “Christmas Trees” message. Talky folk, but oh my.
Metaphorsing metaphors, Bree Lucas compares you to the lack of comparison. “You Couldn’t Compare, Christmas Tree” is front room folk by a powerful talent about a terrible thing that happened.
The emptiness around this time of year coalesces for JJ Voss with “Whiskey, the Tree, and Me.” (As previously posted) it’s scotch o’clock for country rock.
“Six Billion Lights (On the World’s Biggest Christmas Tree)” makes a bummer out of living. Derek A. Dempsey and Nicole Lynch point to each person on the Earth and, in military country pop, allow that we all suffer. So, Christmas. You’re welcome.
Islands plink and doot-doo through “Christmas Tree” with alt folk philosophy… oh, you know what’s coming! Bad stuff (coffins, oppression, misunderstanding).
Orbit emplys some simple rock and not so simple word salad for “A Christmas Carol.” Get a load of the refrain. Damn. Suicide prevention hotline, please.
Okay, not so holidaysical, but “Christmas Tree Bridge” leans on the irony of the awful tragedy of losing a parent with the most family of phrases. Yikes. What sick folk is this?! BLUE ALERT
Perhaps homicide? “Murder by Christmas Tree” is a short metal ode to how to get away with murder from Santa’s Angry Elves. I don’t like them when they’re angry.
Time to give up! Life is too awful. Let’s buy the “Christmas Tree” with Kiki Bohemia and her cheap electronic hypnotic singsongery to show our despair. Bleak, black, blecch.
