Is it funny because it’s inappropriate, or is it inappropriate because it’s funny?
Eric Idle doesn’t exactly corner the market with the higher number of targets to swear at. But “Fuck Christmas” racks up one of the highest incidences of that sound. Symphonic social commentary. Andy Shernold has a more musical version of this, like it’s a real song.
With a soupcon more wit (and sounding like the Pythons a bit), Kevin Bloody Wilson countrifies an elf screed in “Ho Ho Fucking Ho.” A barn burner of a bit.
The F-word may have descended from the Dutch for ‘fidget,’ or a Scottish take on a Viking obscenity. It certainly did NOT derive from an acronym (Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge), but they’re so fun we will adapt that practice for our posting titles.
The power of the expression is its complete and utter taboo. It may have existed before the Middle Ages (when, according to my University of Oxford reference, swive was the nasty word for copulation) and was just too abhorrent to commit to print. But this is a new age, and fuck may be used as every part of speech in any context. It is a showstopper, an emphatic, a mood enhancer, a protest, hatespeech, and a rite of pasage. You name it… and Xmas songsters do.
All month we will whittle down the offerings of novelty Christmas music to feature a sensational recording or two (maybe reprising a past post if it bears a second hearing) for each day. So let’s stop talkin’ ’bout it and just do it.
Our first time we’ll take it slow. The bad words don’t really start until this song is largely over. But, please follow this TMI journey of depression and heartbreak as Matthew McPeck bemoans the loss of the one truly fun holiday in order to have a miserable celebration in “Fuck Christmas (I Wish It was Halloween),” an ’80s pop anthem so charming i’ll overlook the grammar.
Well, we just witnessed the end of all things. What’s next…?
Let’s bounce back from our hate.
Lewberger Band brings the season’s greetings to bear with “A Christmas Song for the Haters.” Biting of the tongue and forgiveness for all! It’s the rollicking pop folk Santa would do. (finish with a BLUE ALERT.)
Colleen Ballinger (out of her Miranda character) also forgives trolls with her “Christmas Haters” song. But it’s with mean ukulele condescending reading of comments. Pop snark. And kinda hateful.
Phineas and Ferb’s Dr. Doofensmirtz has previously admitted “I Really Don’t Hate Christmas.” Weee! That’s really something, an intense burning indifference.
Shiv Hurrah gives us gutsy garage with “I Don’t Hate Christmas” as much anymore. Roll the credits!
And then, tragedy. Bad things happens all year round. When associated with 12/25, Christmas stinks.
Such a tale of woe from The Bob and Tom Show, “I Hate Christmas” is the fate worse than death. But funny, y’know. BLUE ALERT
Perhaps this is the end of a particularly abominable year. David Lea descends into madness with his “Happy Christmas” pop celebration. Don’t you go that way. Not you.
“Death to the World” has been on the blog before. H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society knows how to hate on Christmas. Submit.
Back to the goons of Something Awful. Thaumocrates delivers “Last Christmas”–not as nostalgic Wham! whimsy, but as the ever lovin’ Armageddon. No more Christmasses–that’s all, folks! Experimental psychedelia over ‘Carol of the Bells.’
We need another day to address Ebenezer Scrooge inspired songs. Not musical adaptations, but holiday hotcakes to play at home. (Not EVERY such tip of the topper, only those that feature how much he hates. Esp. w/Christmas mentions.)
Ron Doros homebrews his “Ebenezer’s Song” with fine folk finishings. Haunting.
Chris Hensen enters a songwriting contest with the “Bah Humbug Blues.” A bit sloppy and too much of the whole story, but it’s awfully swinging.
Romeo615 gets n-word BLUE ALERT urban rhymin’ with his take on “Ebenezer Scrooge.” Not sure what the Minnie Pearl hogcallin’ is all about, but i likes it.
Funky R+B from Travis Hobson slaps a “Scrooge Song” with some sass. Bah to the hum to the bug. Yeah, like that.
Metal showtune from Black Adidas “Bah Humbug” sparks the lack of joy.
Mississippi Skinny Dippers bluegrass around the country with “Bah Humbug,” tongue in cheek o’ course.
Just as kidding, Tim O’Brien fiddles and banjos over “Bah Humbug.” Mountain life sucks.
Blues for whites, “Bah Humbug” from Danaher & Cloud jazzes and razzes the trappings from the dining room. When does Mama get a break?
Phil Gathany gets jazzy folk rock with “Ebenezer Scrooge.” Coffehouse weird.
Party metal lite with One Hell of a Christmas, something your gramma might get you out of the discount bins because you like that sort of thing, don’t you dear? Still “Bah, Humbug” is coolly singable.
Parody doowop time! “Scrooge You” from Richlove (& all the Something Awful peeps) makes us dance the hate away.
Keep up the comedy with Spanky Woods channeling his Heywood Banks into “Bah Humbug!” Jazzy hollering for the fun of the season.
I only have a corrupted copy of the A Christmas in Bedrock album, but i was after the “Don’t be a Scrooge” Motown hiphoppery Barney lords over Fred. Wild overorchestration to scare you into generosity.
Love Teresa Brewer summarizing the whole ‘Carol’ with her 1953 kidsong “Ebenezer Scrooge.” Spoilers! (Eddy Howard‘s take, not so fun.)
Some of this anti-Christmas sentiment features Backwards Jesus, otherwise revered as Satan, who intends to kill (and eat) the newborn Savior–for the holiday.
Medeia’s “Antichristmas” scourges happiness with their patented metal. Pass the baby blood. BLUE ALERT
Ice Nine Kills (also BLUE ALERT) continues the sentiment, pasting pop over metal with “Merry Axe-Mas.” Jinkeys, that’s up the butt.
CeDigest also juxtaposes melodic with menacing in “Antichristmas.” Probably BLUE ALERT, for all i can tell. Blasphemy, anyway.
Icon Park stays unmusically electronic with their “Antichristmas.” Mumbling about the luminous wintry scene hides the evil. Oh. No.
Miso-santa-sts at times focus on the class schism Mr. Claus seems to bring to bear. Po’ folk get no present love from the North Pole. Do they mind?
Jack Douglass offers dozens of comedy snippets off his Youtube channel jacksfilms, including this idea: “Santa Hates the Poor.” Good things small packages.
Parang music reads the riot act to “Mr. Santa Claus” via RemBunction. He’s tired of socks and drawers. He may resort to grand theft bag.
Dumpster Baby (live club music alert) performs “Santa Claus Hates the Poor.” Metal madness, childish tantrum.
The generic offering from Christmas Comedy, “Poor Kids Hate Santa” shambles about like a drug-fueled Chipmunks amateur rap battle. They hate music too apparently.
Your Favorite Martian get more BLUE ALERT with more white hip hop “Santa Hates Poor Kids.” Nicely channeled rage, musically speaking. Yeah, seen this before. You’re welcome.
Mr. Big, the guy in charge, the head deliverer–not JC, but Santa Claus– deserves our disdain and blame for the whole holiday hopelessness. Hate Kris Kringle! Say it with me! Ho ho hope you die!
I suppose that sentiment might make you a villain. Certainly Stormella fills out that form with 1998’s ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie,’ an animated flop (budget 10million, take 100thousand) that allowed for the stagey tirade “I Hate Santa Claus.”
More fun (imagine The Monkees + Sex Pistols) from Important-Looking Pirates with “I Hate Santa Claus.” It’s like superangry Scooby Doo chase music in this two-guitar garage.
And more screaming from Dave Pantaleone with “Santa Sucks,” a metal rant of moderate proportions.
On the other planet, Insane Clown Posse lisp out their hiphop bro chant “I Hate Santa Claus.” Radio play ready, with only a couple BLUE ALERT moments late on. What the format?
Much more BLUE ALERT Anybody Killa death raps “Kill Santa Man.” Angry bells, man.
And still BLUE ALERT Kevin Bloody Wilson revisits “Hey Santa Claus” for us. A kiddie classic of unashamed vitriol.
Logan Paul keeps it white with his rhymin’ bombs “Santa Diss Track.” Trying too hard is art too.
Much of the resentment over the whoop-de-doo made over wealth for Twelfth Night is due to the DIDN’T-GET-WHAT-I-WANT horror that shapes children into adults. Santa vanishes! Christmas collapses! Life loses its luster!
Electronic zippiness underlines the horror of not getting–you! “Christmas Sucks!” Better Promises echoes out all over the roadmap of rock.
“Chr!$Tm@$ $Ux” underlines the rock sentiment from queen Alaska Thunderfuck. Fortunately she learns her lesson, TV special style.
On the other side of the spectrum Tim Cavanagh bellyaches about all his disappointments one by one in his blusey “Worst Christmas Ever.” Keep listening. It gets worse.
Punkers Mary Magdalan get their BLUE ALERT rude-off with “Christmas Sucks.” Anger overdose explodes into head bangin’ music/kids’ specials clips.
Rocky Zharp goes full honky tonk blues with “I Hate Christmas” at least in part due to the emptiness of the stocking. This wails.
Perhaps the most surprising novelty i stumbled over was JERRY LEWIS in character complaining about the junk he opened in “I’ve Had a Very Merry Christmas.” In 1953, we call this a terribly odd little recording.
In perhaps the prettiest song of this pettiness parade, Christopher Coats folk pops “I Hate Christmas.” (Hate to give him a BLUE ALERT, it’s such gentle f-bombing.) Love this.
