Little Joey Farr, i think, is that special brand of kooky kid/amazing voice combo that we saw in the ’50s with Barry Gordy and Brenda Lee. Rockabilly loves that jivin’ jailbait. And i think it’s a her, but the internet has been great at guarding Little Joey’s privacy.
Asking Santa for “A Big White Cadillac for Christmas” for Mama might seem foolish or redneck, but this is probably based on Elvis Presley’s generosity: even by the late ’50s The King was giving away Cadillacs more than Oprah. It’s a significant and swingin’ status symbol, o cool ones and twos.
Patti Jo-Roth Edwards is one of those singer songwriters who can’t help herself. She writes, she sings, she records and posts.
I’m not saying she’s any good. She just gotta sing.
It’s a mistake, for example, to twist out a rocking tune like “Santa Drives a Candy Apple Red Cadillac” unplugged and dogged. Her mush mouthing the lyrics is fine, but her Judy Collins women’s folk coloring outside the lines belies the hella good time promised by the story. Hmmm. Cadillacs deserve something more urban.
Some cars are hotter than others. Joyriders tend not to help themselves to Kias. So, while leaving the wild world of the hot rod, let us consider some specific hot cars that Santa might straddle.
Muscle cars could do well. So here comes the cross gender tribute band from ‘cross the Atlantic, The Ramonas, with “Santa’s Got a GTO.” It’s more nostalgic punk than hard screechin’ punk.
Meshugga Beach Party has also cashed in on the surfer craze in the last ten years. These Bay Area bagels rock instrumentally for the most part. (I like “Go Go Golem” and visualize drag racing through the back ways of Marin County.) But we’re here to race, so please have patience with “Hot Rod Hanukkah,” the titular tune off their 2011 album. It’s slow to start. And to lap. And to finish. It takes eight nights.
Malibooz were 1960s surf rock from the East coast. they only lasted a couple years, but so did surf rock. Despite going separate ways, the boys were drawn together to compose original surfer tunes for movies in the late ’80s and early ’90s. Then surf movies became more of the zeitgeist of the ’00s: Malibooz returned. Good for them. Their Christmas album A Malibu Kind of Christmas from 1992 has unfortunate wipe-outs to the tune of ‘Rudolph’ and ‘Drummer Boy.’ Original jams like upbeat “Santa Man” and downer “Christmastide” serve them much better.
Today we’re concerned with “Santa Drives a Super Stock Dodge.” It comes across as more pretty than roaring Tom Petty, but the young harmony back ups and awkward ad lib shout outs personalize the piece. One of a kind.
Edging out of rockabilly, true country singer Toby Keith (‘Shoulda Been a Cowboy,’ ‘How Do You Like Me Now?!’) builds on the Harley Davidson image of the guy in red with “Hot Rod Sleigh.”
Coming in ahead by a novelty nose are Robert and Janita Baker with their fine fiddlin’ fun on top of ‘Hot Rod Lincoln’ entitled “Hot Rod Sleigh.” It’s one of those line by line parodies, but have you heard it before?
Let’s put it into second gear, but we ARE gonna pop the clutch on you cats and race doggies.
Perhaps a brief nod to The Beach Boys and “Little St. Nick,” the quality metaphor of Santa’s sleigh as king of the roadster.
So what we need here is that branch of surfer rock that included wild, delinquent young people irresponsibly revving and racing. Exhibit A: The Untamed Youth with “Santa’s Gonna Shut ‘Em Down Now.” To prove how timeless this mode of fast and furious rock is, know that Deke, Steve, Doug, and Joel here are basically a late ’80s punk group that created new music without a whiff of retro-capitalism. You are about to get white line fever.
It’s August here, time for car shows and overheated radiators.
So let’s look under the hood for car carols.
Starting out Hot August Nights, The Brain Setzer Orchestra straycats “Santa’s Got a Hot Rod.” It’s not just a story, it’s a musical journey. Setzer’s choice to over orchestrate his rockabilly cool seems to stretch towards a family friendly demographic with its 1980s CBS Christmas special likability, so i guess this is an inoffensive place to start our dragster dreams of holiday kidfun.
Even though Christmas has become an amalgamation of many cultural celebrations, the anglo-white version gets the widest play. But true Christians welcome all comers to the fold. So let’s go black (we might never come back) with Akim and Teddy Vann’s 1973 “Santa Claus is a Black Man.” Get adorable, get funky.
On a community stage with a slowly warming audience, GloZell leads guilty white West Coast Singers in a rousing (tinny recording of) “Black Christmas.” Now we see what black means to faith, hope, charity, and novelty Christmas songs.
More audible and just as reactionary, The Harlem Children’s Chorus sing “Black Christmas.” They do make a point, they just don’t make a beautiful song. Richard Wolfe has a more honest version that testifies.
Add more funk and pour in the soul and Rose Graham delivers “Black Christmas” so that you can not avoid her raw pain. Don Smith makes the same song more personal, and a little more disco.
Motown, mo’ music! The Emotions sing “Black Christmas” with angelic harmonies and soft-pedaled race relations. Just how soulful white people want to buy it.
Black can be the worst mood, the scariest night, the killingest plague. Some people don’t like black.
Satan and the Reindeer Butchers kill ‘White Christmas’ with their “A Black Xmas.” For all that’s holy BLUE ALERT!! (for the next six or so)
Amana Reign mixes media to freak you out with their “Black Christmas.” Those boys are so loud! But their lyrics don’t go far enough to make a counter culture point.
Well, then, let’s try some metal: Venom plays “Black Xmas” for the Devil. So that’s not the same Xmas you and i know.
A bit more angry and musically inclined Prison of Blues growls out “Black X-Mas” like they have an important lessen you can pogo to,
Run Moon parleys wicca into goth with her “Black Christmas:” Prison of Blues growls out “Black X-Mas” a piss and moan list of what disappoints her about the holiday. Her rat-a-tat chant gives her song more rah rah than rant rant. Hard to take her cutie-pie anger seriously.
Attempting mood through reverb, Hellfunk ups the melodic quotient with “I’m Dreaming of a Black Xmas.” Black here is absolute night, the absence of any grace or goodness. Get that first guy a lozenge!
Oozing with 1970s BBC snark, High Contrast speechify their “Black Christmas” so you get a sense of working class rap, but Liverpudlian, not Compton. Hitler is mentioned. Subtlety is not considered appropriate.
Bill Collins and MDC play British punk for another “Black Christmas” in which black= no hope, no cheer. Yell if you hate your parents too.
But we can criticize the very tenants of Xianity and still be jolly, can’t we? Try post feminist punker Poly Styrene and her London low down: “Black Christmas.” She’s a damfine musician and her satire is danceable. The attention-deficit video makes Santa into a nightmare.
