Author: douglove1225

Behold a Star: Squeaky Fromme

Lynette Alice Fromme was a casualty of the ’60s from hallucinogenic drug use and excessive counterculture deprogramming. She had been a cutsie California entertainer but was exploited by Charlie Manson to help out with his murder spree to ignite the inevitable apocalyptic race war. Her big headline grab after Charlie was sidelined was shooting at President Gerald Ford (the least likely target of assassination ever), resulting in 34 years of incarceration.

Reverend Glen Armstrong takes a turn at psychoanalyzing this pop culture footnote, concluding that “Even Squeaky Fromme Loves Christmas.” It’s worth your while to peer into his bouncy pop lyrics and judge his own stability.

Behold a Star: Charlie Manson

Charles Milles Maddox was a nutball criminal turned murderer by the Beatles (it happens). He didn’t invent the persona of cult leader with daddy-issued groupies, but he sure got more media for it. Blame California, everybody else does.

Dirty Sick Europeans have crafted a dreamy jello serving of psychedelia “Merry Christmas Charly Manson.” It seems to ironically dig at the curious followers as well as at his own psychopathy. No ‘Helter Skelter’ wildness, this is soothing.

Behold a Star: Winona Ryder

Winona Laura Horowitz had her ’90s in the sun. Her over publicized brush with the law right after her Hollywood sidewalk star let everyone know she was complicated package. Her recent return to cable TV (‘Stranger Things’) has let her play her own messed up self to some acclaim.

Fake Shark Real Zombies has a lovely tango number “Winona Ryder Hates Christmas,” but it’s all conjecture. I’m sure she’s a perfect hostess.

Behold a Star: Patrick Swayze

Action stars aren’t always romantic leads, but Patrick Swayze was People’s Sexiest Man of the Year in 1991. Because he was so sensitively in ‘The Outsiders’ and ‘To Wong Foo…’ and even ‘Ghost’ he gets a pass as a boot-to-the-head lunk. Cool guy.

The Mystery Science Theatre Three Thousand jokers have a mini-hit on their hands with “Let’s Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas.” It’s a gentle blend of mean and fun with some lifting vocals.

Behold a Star: Chuck Norris

Carlos Ray Norris was a foil in Bruce Lee movies and a TV star cop. Then he published the-right-way-to-live tracts and campaigned for Republicans. His tough guy rep rivaled Charlton Heston’s when memes became a thing and his invincibility was outed.

boshi1996 plays on The Countdown Kids’ ‘Santa Coming’ with “Chuck Norris is Coming to Town.” With Chuck Norris, the less said the better.

Smashy Claw hope to win over the clubbers sober enough to get the irony in their rock version of “Chuck Norris is Coming to Town.” I think they’re the warm up.

Gary Arnold rewrites the lyrics with his “Chuck Norris is coming to Town.” Even made himself up to resemble the guy. Commitment!

Behold a Star: Marilyn Monroe

Norma Jeane Mortensen was a foster kid bounced around homes and careers and men until she became a glossy prop for Americana. Whether or not she ever was allowed dreams of her own, she became the dream of millions and that’s all that needs to be said here. Sadly.

Lou Mencell and His Mambonicks has a listing January 1955 on Billboard for new pop releases. His hangdog nasal “All I Want for Chanukah is Marilyn Monroe” has been featured on my blog before. But come on. It’s cool.

Behold a Star: John Wayne

Now that we’ve treated the musicians who have treated us, take a cue from that last magnificent number and honor the images from our TVs and screens: the real stars of the American scene: actors.

Marion Mitchell Morrison was an instant movie star after nearly ten years of work. He headlined westerns through the ’40s, ’50s, and ’60s, eventually falling into an old man icon in TV skits in time for the counter culture to reject him as The Man. In retrospect he stands tall in the saddle, a American hero who’d rather explain it to you with his fists than his mumbling.

Rebecca Perschbacher sings “I Want John Wayne for Christmas” as a true fan.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOffeiKXqsc

Behold a Star: Jack Black, etc.

Here in the mysterious world of novelty music awkward fusions and joke bands are a rare and wonderful thing. No one usually gets them and they die a cover death at airport lounges. But Jack Black has nurtured his Tenacious D duo ‘mock rock’ with Kyle Glass for decades. He loves the metal music as much as the tongue in the cheek. So his funny musical career works.

La Parola Persa is an Italian group of no little energy who has devoted webspace to ‘begging Jack’ to musically notice them. Their holiday tribute “Merry Christmas, Jack Black” goes off the rails early, however, and hyperactively salutes more than a hundred stars (of the movie/music type). What a masked ride! (Caveat: The second half of the video is encore.)

Behold a Star: Taylor Swift

Taylor Alison Swift’s country career has been heart on sleeve since high school, writing and singing about what she knows: white girl privilege. She inspires and bores generations of suburbanite teens with her mix of vulnerability and bitchiness. And she’s blond.

Evan Taubenfeld has a wish this “Merry Swiftmas.” His tribute to the megastar is adorable and appropriately as cutting edge country as a Walgren’s credit card. (Watch for his list of second-raters he won’t settle for.)