Author: douglove1225

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Who would fall for this fat, old guy?!

Maybe it’s just the wanton shopper who associates Santa with the sexy things she wants for Xmas. In Yulelog’s “Naughty List” the propositions include Mrs. Claus (with a double dildo), and rubbing his ‘baby Jesus ’til the eggnog flows.’ BLUE ALERT!

Or, she fell for him ‘cuz she IS Mrs. Claus, and you didn’t know–(?) The Skivvies (they appear in underwear) mash up several carols for the odd tale of “Santa’s Baby.” That changes everything.

What would be worse is when “Santa’s My Daddy.” The cast of ‘Naughty… but Nice’ take turns with a daughter and a son. But the implications are still oogy.

Dysfunctional Family Band deals with the domestic abuse violence “When I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus“–and so did Dad! Jolly light pop, but what a mess.

Cyndi Lauper recounts what could be the most famous faller for Father C with the seasick ragtime-lite pop “Minnie and Santa.” Girl be crazy. This is one of my favorites.

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Waiting for Santa takes on a different light depending on what you’re wearing. Or NOT wearing….

Again? Kat Perkins is gonna be “Up All Night” for you-now-who. He makes her sleigh bells jingle! Syncopated jazzy pop.

“I Know What’s Santa’s Getting for Christmas” is bluegrass country that implies more than it sins. But i’m reading between the mistletoes. Joey + Rory must have an open relationship

Just as eager, but not so overtly so, Cocktail Slippers look forward to when “Santa’s Comin’ Home.” Retro girl rock that brings it home. (Warning: may incur stalking.)

The cast of ‘Naughty… But Nice’ take a moment to anticipate the annual visit of–apparently–a master class is naughty. “Waiting Up for Santa” is full of lounge jazz innuendo. I’m all sweaty now.

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Again! Danish tuba backs Christiane Bjørg Nielsen crooning whispery “Who’s That Hunk in the Santa Suit?” Cool.

D’Modes takes a moment to electronically soft pop how “Santa Claus is Real Fine Lookin’.” She admiring of his gear, and his talents. He’s not just a piece of meat (to some).

Pistol Annies have a crush on Santa, and they can’t wait. “Come on Christmastime” they harmonize about their intended rendezvous. Electric country.

For a man your age… begins Shemekia Copeland with bluesy soul about her favorite Xmas man. After only one kiss she calls “Stay A Little Longer, Santa.” Will he abandon his route for her–?

Jane Green with Craig Brown profess to be “Lovesick for Saint Nick” in the most showtune way possible. It’s sweet.

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Santa doesn’t get propositioned for nothing–!

Smashing that chimney dumper has happened before ’round the blog.

BLUE ALERT for the straight. Sukihana keeps it transactional for Santa. She’ll be the triple “Ho Ho Ho” so long as she gets gifted. Mad rap.

Good girls sound more like Mellee Fresh when she’s synthing “Santa You Promised.” She wants jewels, a car, and her sugar daddy.

Cookies for goodies? “Santa Got Me Trippin‘” is the industrial rap (with R+B) about macking on the big man (or his missus), but not without a price. From Dunst and Friends.

Mary Criddell wants a “Santa Rockafella.” She doesn’t make offers, but she does leaning the rockabilly especially hard. Everything’s dirtier when rockabillied.

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More again? BLUE ALERT for the fluid. jobytheartist flies a calmingly psychedelic freak flag for “This Christmas (I’m Boinking Santa).” Only he doesn’t sing boinking.

Cookies and Cream self censor (for comedic effect) in the flaming “Santa’s Big Gift.” Lisping pop.

Also lightly sexual, Six Cents & Natalie electronically pop “Secret Santa (You Could be the One).” It’s more shy than closeted. Like 80/20. Fun.

Santa’s Elves (that’s just the name of the band) parody ‘RESPECT’ with “Just a Little Kris.” They want the kisses awful bad.

The greatest Christmas I ever had, sings out OK2BGAY (feat. Gabriel) was “When Santa Kissed My Dad.” Insistent pop with a soupçon of country.

Santaphilic.13 BLUE ALERT

Yesterday’s sex with Santa tunes were rough trade. What about happy gay sex with that silver grizzly?

Again? We did some fun stuff with this topic a while back.

Suite 666 romps the punk with “Santa Blow Me.” It’s angry, but friendly.

Big Freedia asks for a boy (someone like you), bc “Santa is a Gay Man.” This is a Chordettes’ parody of ‘Mr. Sandman.’ Too raunchy?? There’s a clean cut from Charted (now that’s weird).

Jesse Hawkins keeps it clean(er) with “Santa Baby (Gay Vision).” This parody asks for clothes, and drugs, and a puppy. Very little kink, just expressions of the heart.

Santaphilic.12 VERY BLUE ALERT

Markologic kicks off Santa sex with this unambiguity that fucking Father Christmas is usually pretty same sex. “I’m Going to Fuck Santa Claus” is a lively (and funny) rap about fulfilling conjoining.

BeanzTaken gets even more graphic with the gay in the childlike rap of “I Fucked Santa.” Just finding their way.

Lil Frik identifies with the ASLO immortal OG homie Kringle. “I Fucked Santa Claus” is workmanlike rap without much passion. In and out.

Song Boys play more punk (pop) with their tell-all “Merry Christmas (I Just Fucked Santa.” Got ‘r done.

Jesus Penis growls out the garage rage of “I Sodomized Santa Claus” like it was a butthole of a chore. Whew.

Santaphilic.11 BLUE ALERT

Despite the implied impurity of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” back in the ’50s, everyone piled on much later to spice up the corny kidsong.

We’ve mentioned these naughty parodies before…

Since then, we’ve been witness to “I Saw Mommy Pegging Santa Claus (Away In A Manger)” by Abortion Clinic Daycare. Indecipherable metal.

Something Awful’s Donner Party Christmas Party also plays opaque with “I Saw Mommy Blowing Santa Claus,” an echoic instrumental that samples more than seduces.

JossiRossi from the same group later recorded “I Saw Mommy (Explicit) [Censored].” This is that comedy routine where bleeping inspires your filthiest imaginings.

What i’d like to direct your attention to now, however, is quite the oddity. In 1952 Spike Jones & The City Slickers chased Jimmy Boyd’s release with his own featuring his ‘Two Front Teeth” guy George Rock. But, then– for giggles–he had the gang record a SECOND version: “I Saw Mommy Screwing Santa Claus.” Thanks to the internet this private use only recording has finally seen the light of hoi polloi.

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“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” hit #1 on the Billboard singles chart when 13-year-old Jimmy Boyd first released it in 1952. It’s been a staple since. Barely novel at this point. And yet, some of the reactions since–

Kip Addotta turned the idea on its head with “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus” in 1984. Stand Still here covers that for us. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Again! The Yule Logs reorchestrate the idea with “[I Saw Mommy Kiss Santa] Last Night.” Psychological repercussions are explored to a slack key guitar countrification.

Balderdash & Humbug reposition the events for a he said/she said of “My Kid Saw Me Kissing Santa Claus.” Conclusions are jumped to in this spoken piece.

Cecily Strong gets more into the trauma for an SNL sketch that brings in Dad and a big, weird payoff.

Certainly, for novelty purposes, Homer & Jethro, and Tiny Tim deliver with bizarre sounds. But let’s leave this elevator music with a tip of the Captain’s chair to William Shatner and his little kid who’s not getting mad–he’s getting even.