Author: douglove1225

JESUS’ Stocking

What size did the son o’ God sport for feet?

Keziah Kate Gwenaelle begins with “Velvet Stockings” for her family before waffling about her BMI, then eventually asking for God’s grace in this warbling hymnal. Probably read better in the original Czech.

Jeanne Dennis’s “Stocking for Jesus” is that bent kind of carol where righteousness supercedes tuneful music. Holy moly.

“The Third Noel (Christmas Crackas)” brings out The Three Prophets [feat. The Maynooth LGBT Communist Choir]. Despite Jesus not actually getting a stocking in year 0, this social commentary mentions all of that with a sweet beat to dance to.

SEXY Stocking

“Stuff Stockings” by The Moby Dicks brings hard garage to bear upon the act of intimacy. Ouch.

“Red’s Xmas Socking Filler” has a very je nail BLUE ALERT charm without much stocking. Rocking, however, yes.

Not sure you got that? Try The Eggnog Crew’s “Stocking Stuffer” on for size. By song’s end you’ll know what he wants for Xmas.

“Stocking Stuffer” is Ocean is Theory’s sexy, bluesy take on making it through the dark holidays.

NASTY METAPHOR Stocking

Pick up that holiday stocking, feel it, run it through your imagination. If you’re a guy, it reminds you of something (and so does everything else).

Steel Panther’s “Stocking Song” is just innuendo (and kazoo) enough to raise an eyebrow. Metal up, boys.

Hey, what’s that IN “My Christmas Stocking“? Earl Green part raps/part country pops the endless double entendres for your listening pleasure. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong….

B3 the Third dances around his “Stocking Stuffer.” But there’s a BLUE ALERT in this sprightly rap. Finally.

Scuzz Twittly’s “Fill Yer Stocking” is sommat better than the usual rockabilly chockablock with wink winks and nudge nudges. No BLUE ALERT per the text, but–oh, my.

Stocking of LOVE

Reach in that Xmas stocking and find some L.O.V.E.

“You’re All I Want For Christmas” is that special croon from Bing Crosby with the Ken Lane Singers and Victor Young & His Orchestra. It’s NOT Mariah. And he wants you in his stocking! Soft big band.

Country pop from Breckenridge Miles puts himself into the stocking. He’s “All the Nick You Need.” Confident. I like that.

“Fill Your Stockings with Some Christmas Love” is The Roost’s electric rocking take on Xmas cheer. Is it dirty? Not sure….

LOVE THAT Stocking

A fireplace glowing, a stocking warming (oh no, the chocolate orange!), a couple cuddling… it’s a scene out of a romantic movie!

“Stocking for Two” is an off kilter love song (show tune style) from Tracy Merle with a bit of a honkytonk push to it. Can’t help it.

“I Want You in My Stocking for Christmas” is a bizarre-o Dixieland number from Bobby Parr. I think it might be about romance. Or a funeral.

Luke Nelson is thinking of you when he begins “Stocking Up on Christmas.” That’s when you’ll get yours. Wordplay always wins me over. Jugband folk.

ABOVE THE KNEES Stockings

Stockings aren’t just for sliding across the floor to Bob Seger. Ladies wear them up to and beyond the bottom.

Patrick Donahue can’t wait to see his baby in her “Christmas Stockings.” A little rockabilly, but mostly country swing keeps this dude dressing her up with his eyes.

Crossdressing can be fun! slyly confides Lachlan MacLeod with funky rap in “Stockings.” Panties party, boys!

Wes Sperry wants what’s in her “Stockings for Christmas.” Jazz pop creepin’!

BROKEN Stocking

Christmas stocking troubleshooting certainly involves technical issues, but can deal with overall seasonal hiccups as well.

The Martial Arts key into ’70s hard synth (pop verging on punk) to cry out heartbreak in their flaming “Stockings.” I’m doing the slide! I’m about to pogo!

“Stockings Hung by the Fireplace” according to Goiter incur one significant problem. Experimental weirdness.

Trouble in paradise in the form of “Stockings,” a wonderful retro pop-sterpiece from How to Swim. He feels abandoned, but rhymes that with no longer companions. Fun.

Those Death by Disco boys commiserate with hard rocking in “Hang Up Your Stocking.” Yeah, I know we’re through.

Shylo’s “Broken on Christmas” has a wish, but hanging the stockings gives no relief. You’re not here. R+B catastrophe.

Stockings OF DEATH

A Christmas stocking is a marker of time. So’s death.

Kids shouldn’t go hungry at Christmas! comes the refrain for the minute-long punk sermon “Stocking Filler” by way of Popclaw. That kills.

“Christmas Stocking 2009” is soft spoken country sentimentality from Larry Heral about grampa’s stocking and what happened to it. Wah.

“The Devil’s Christmas Stocking” by Helen McCookerybook is a delightful bit of folk fluff wherein Santa and Satan get down to brass tacks and agree to disagree. (I’m thinking Satan didn’t get any stocking fillings.)

“The Angry Kid Merry Christmas Stocking Song” by, i presume, Angry Kid seems pop song pleased with his grisly stuffer treat. But i’m pretty sure somebody died.

WORSE THAN COAL IN YOUR Stocking

Already dug up all the coal we need years ago, but since then–well, kids have still been naughty.

Smokey Katie’s “Donner Took a Shit in Your Stocking” adds country to injury with drawling, insult, and revenge. Throw this shit out.

Lil Poverty Angels reveal what’s worse than coal in their free styling “Poop in the Christmas Stocking.” ¡Ay, caramba!

Murphy’s Lawyer jazzes up the tempo with the kidsong “Santa Pooped in My Stocking.” At least he knows he deserved it. (Candy corn!?)

Stocking of COAL

Coal? Not coal again?!

Antha Lee’s “Stocking Full of Coal” causes her consternation. Was she bad? Her soul singing isn’t bad.

“I Got a Stocking Full of Coal” wails The Crushtones with terrific ’60s garage rocking. And they hopes up so high!

Coal… and blood! In your stocking! “I Want Your Soul for Christmas” is Backyard Superheroes getting demonic pop. You get little in return. Except this cool song.

John Gannon portrays a mischievous youngun suffering from the dread of “Coal in My Stocking Again.” Showtune kidsong.