Month: June 2023

Yuletide: Castaway

If you have boat trouble, you might end up like Crusoe. Will that interrupt your Xmas plans?

Darlene Como’s drug-punk (either you need to be on drugs to ‘get it’–or it’s simply a drug induced rant) deals with a shipwreck scenario somewhere in “Seaweed Soup.” Xmassy? Dunno!

In “Santa’s Tropic Island Hideaway” Lipbone Redding tells us Santa is Swinging in a hammock just a Christmas castaway, so yeah your presents might be late. Growly blues pop.

In Dead Hot Workshop’s “Jesus Revisited,” however, the reason for the season would–today–be Sympathetic to the castaways on Gilligan’s Isle. So, blessings and grace at least. Impetuous alt-rock.

Suits is lonely and cold and wants to know “Do You Miss Me, Christmas?“ It won’t matter the words I say, So I’ll just be a castaway. So, doesn’t matter…? Bluesy pop.


Yuletide: Davy Jones’s Locker

Boats do many things well. Resting at the bottom of the sea it one. For Christmas.

Princess Ariel from Disney uses shanty-lite for “Christmas in the Ocean.” Buried treasure does make a good gift.

SpongeBob SquarePants uses doo wop to illustrate his “Wet Wet Christmas.” Splash squish. Better music!

Glad Host’s The Aquanauts do an experimental deep dive with “Christmas Underwater.” Dark and disturbing (throwing horses overboard!)!

“Sunken Letter” by The Christmas Band is a tragic turn of the mundanity of a sailor’s voyage made cruelly ironic by our knowledge of the title. Soft folk twists the knife.

Derivative (homage to ‘Octopus’), yet delightful, “Christmas Under the Sea” by Colin & AJ rocks and kidsong rolls with some alt-oddness. Fun (except for Lydia).

Yuletide: All Hands Lost

The same year The Titanic went down, so did the Christmas tree schooner Rouse Simmons. This was The Great Lakes, and the German tradition of trees for the holidays (free for the poor) was in full swing. The lore of this particular joy-bringer being lost has inspired many a sailor’s yarn.

Paul Behrend narrates and warbles “The Christmas Ship.” If you wanted to know what happened, poetical-like, here’s the folk-pop verzh.

True folk from Dan Hildebrand, “The Ballad of the Christmas Tree Ship” focuses on the scary, wet storm as well as the wet, washed up trees.

The Patrick Brothers attempt pathos by stretching out every syllable and note in the folky “The Christmas Ship.” The flute makes it ghostly, too. But it becomes maudlin.

Mike Aiken applies more pop to his Carib maritime melody “Christmas Schooner.” It’s all upbeat here. Nobody sinks. The music, on the other hand, causes sleepiness.

Oh Papa, come look, shanties Lee Murdock in “The Christmas Ship.” The glory of the great sailing actually overshadows the tragedy here, a fine memorial.

Novelty relief oars in from Claire Margaret Corlett who only wants to kill herself “This Christmas Eve.” The flapper-style jazz is a cute contrast to lyrics like: I wanna slit my throat, or get eaten by a goat, Or tie myself up and drown slowly in a boat. (Ha ha?)

Yuletide: Boat Names

Some boats are pretty famous. They can have Xmas, or the holiday which might allude to that christened craft.

The Animaniacs will never stop in the pursuit of a shaggy dog punchline. Stay with them in their “Noel Song” as Pequod’s Ahab looks for the white whale. No whale, no whale, we ain’t seen no whale….

The Olson Bros Band wonder how you can be “So Cold on Christmas.” Like Jack in ‘The Titanic’ bombing into that iceberg, these guys were blindsided by your harsh holiday breakup. Dorm rock.

Street cred from the slang of “Ain’t Christmas Without You,” but Leroy Sanchez’s cheesy pop about missing you sinks this mess. Even though, when he DOES finally see you: I’d run all about and kiss you Titanic style. Like an iceberg?

“Christmas in a College Town” by George González makes hay with this (apparent?) oxymoron. Can’t do it! Like trying to turn The Titanic around…. More indie, but thoughtful and smart.

Yuletide: 227.21 in Roget’s

Other types of boats can get up to holiday hiking as well.

All Together Now use “Christmas in the Ark” as an excuse to teach us holiday togetherness (no actual masses for Christ in the times of Noah, y’see). Righteous pop.

“What Ship is This?” is the Smash Tacklers butchering ‘Three ships’ to the tune of ‘Greensleeves.’ Answer: dunno.

MOR calypso from Alan Littlefield paints a white-people paradise in the form of “Christmas on a Yacht.” Service!

David Goody wants a rip off of ‘Die Hard.’ So he sings “Die Hard on a Boat.” To ‘Feliz Navidad’ he skewers the action movies of the ’80s he deems are mere shadows of the original. You know, the Christmas movie. [BTW, it’s ‘Under Siege’… or ‘Speed 2’.]

Yuletide: Canoe Help Me

Santa may not just deliver by any old skiff at sea. In “Christmas Island” you are advised: Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe. (I might prefer Ella to Leon this time only.) Island pop.

The Surfers sing out “Here Comes Santa Claus in a Red Canoe” like they’re auditioning for Sing Along with Mitch. Easy listening (‘I say, old bean‘) with some slack guitar.

Edward Littlefield stretches ‘Three Ships’ out of shape for “I Saw Canoes,” a Tlingit adaptation to honor family. Or something.

D. P. Weisemann stretches vocals to send us his “Canoe,” an indie transcendence of the holidays. Whoa.

Nightheart wins me over with the camp-song “Christmas Canoe.” Simplicity can make novelty that much better. Bravo.

Yuletide: Santa Salt

Is Santa qualified to be on a boat?

Ty Thurman wonders “If Santa was a Sailor,” then what? Kidsong (with a merry country backbeat) follows to spell it out to all y’all. There’s a list.

Gordon Mac Martin gets scarier with his “Sailor Santa.” He also asks If, but worries that climate change will require this as the coasts decline and we all live at the ocean. More Carib beat.

Yuletide: Santa Cargo

Santa by sled, by plane, by train…? How DOES one get ’round the world?

Savage Bell rocks out the Florida answer: “Santa Rode on a Shrimp Boat.”

A jolly, nearly yodeling, dad pop ditty,”Santa Clause Comes by a Boat” by Gary Fjellgaard, intends to surprise us. Kidsong wonder. Not the real kind.

Bandana Man has “Santa B Cruzn” become the story of Rudolph saving the delivery day in the Caribbean. Santa likee! Steel drum calypso-ish.

Brent Burns paints a grander landscape with his shanty “Santa Boat.” It may be about the deliveries, the it’s tarred in mysteries. Fun kid sea myth.

Yuletide: Santa Cruise (get it?)

The hilarity of using the birthplace of mainland surfing as a referent to Xmas has not lent itself to many holiday tunes. (To be fair, Santa Cruz is a place name to a hundred cities around the world.)

The third school assembly comedy ‘Nativity 3: Dude, Where’s My Donkey’ offers a “Santa Cruise“–but it’s another travelogue for an island vacay. Oddly, this Carib beat transitions into gospel. So, uplifting i guess.

Bah & The Humbugs off their “Santa Cruise” as another jaunt away from the dreary day-to-day. More islander musicality for you. (Or an excerpt as a commercial.)

Rounding down, (the possibly computer generated) “Oh Santa” by Seasonal Songs asks to cruise the world in Santa’s sleigh. MOR pop. What a trip.

Yuletide: Regatta

Why not a bunch boats for Xmas? A whole parade of boats, perhaps!

[Off topic for a mo: Nick Lutsko has a totally bro take on “Boat Parade!” that you might wanna check out. It’s not the holidays, not specifically, but boy is he WANTING to get to the event. Watch out for the flying sweat.]

Boat parades is part of what makes a “Florida Christmas” for 11-year-old Tamara Yasin with sassy pop Carib beatings.

Not to be outdone, California also features boat parades in deTournai’s “White Christmas Dreaming.” This dreamy bluesy slow pop feels more parade-like.

Amateur but heartfelt, G T Polerson ahoys us with his tribute to the West Coast annual event “The Christmas Ships.” Easy listening pop.

Gene Mitchell dedicates his Calypso to the “Christmas Boat Parade.” It’s cheesy in paradise, but it ticks all the boxes.