Year-round Yuletide oddities
Will being the Santa down at the mall ruin your life?
Jarrod Dickenson judges the ankle-biters in his “Shopping Mall Santa’s Lament.” The power his folk ballad wishes it wielded is hinted at in the kazoo solo.
The burlesque romp from the musical of ‘A Christmas Story’ “Up on Santa’s Lap” might be period appropriate, but this showcase around the ‘you’ll shoot your eye out, kid!‘ barely delivers. Do your job, man.
Would you rather be a grind mall Santa or have a grand mal seizure? Think about it….
Hot Buttered Elves garage rock the never-ending beat of the “Department Store Santa.” Existential Advent.
Brad Haley drawls from home “Santa on the Corner of 5th & Main.” No fortune or fame… is it even really Santa? Country sorrow.
The poor orphan “Christmas Carol” asks the department store Santa if she can have a real home for Christmas. Jim Jensen takes the country pledge and… well, I do believe you can see what’s coming–if you’d just stop crying for a sec.
Greg Wilson brings in an old country weeper about that old guy what gets no respect, the “Dime Store Santa.” Paid his dues, did his part, tried his best. But then he died. How is that fair?
One of the downsides of being a mall Santa is the job. It’s not all guffaws and giggles. It’s, at times, tough.
From the Something Awful Christmas album, Ian Jenner outlines the requirements of the gig with the uncertain rock stumbler “Mall Santa 2.” It’s not pretty.
An Teeder runs out the road (garage) rock for the travails of the traveling “Mall Santa.” Feel the chimney, man.
Trix may be for kids, but Santa is for everyone. Adults, hide not your need for santaffirmation, it will winnow your heartstrings to thread.
filnobep has an odd series of gangsta rappers sitting on Santa’s lap and wishing as far as urban crisis will let them. Most of the beat-men don’t sing, however, so let’s rejoice when “Tay-K Sits on Santa’s Lap” and lays down a rhyme. The guy who improvs as Santa is pretty good, too.
Not sure where “The Santa Mannequin Challenge” got started: bored millennials/fundraising goody-twoshoes? But try Lil Poverty Angels tutorial on how to get into the Xmas spirit without moving. Word jazz rap.
Slidawg & The Redneck Ramblers paint you a pitcher with the Bubba who tells Santa “All I Want for Christmas is a Billy Bass.” Look it up, kids. Redneck light rock done right.
Improv Everywhere elevates the flashmob into original street theater. Which can go really wrong. But it doesn’t with “You’re Never Too Old to Sit on Santa.” Showtune heaven.
Is that pillow-packin’, scraggly angel-hair chinning, old fool at the mall in December worth your while?! Look again, he might be mighty, mystical, mythical, magical….
The hero of the shopping day is “Mall Santa,” according to Cobra Cobra. Guys, he saves a kitten and struts off into the tree set and stuff! Cool retro pop.
“Mall Santa” by Jordan Higgs seems to be just a guy–but he promises you ANYTHING YOU ASK FOR (provided you’ve been good). That’s a victory lap. Folk garage pop.
How crazy do you have to be to be a mall Santa?
The Gebharts aren’t crazy about their “Shopping Mall Santa,” but their dry as a hangover garage-quiet-rock makes their protagonist gonzo as blueberry Wheaties.
Murder the Mood metalicize “Mall Santa” to transform into stand-in Big Red. It’s like a secret identity, but head-bangin’ is the power.
Welcome back, Red State Update! “Sit on Santa’s Lap” is a chimey white easy-listening rap that threatens and invites in varying amounts. It’s off the Rails Steak House!
Just like some kids love the trip to the mall to see Santa, some mall Santas love to answer the calling of living the dream.
Mickey Rooney attempts to capture the early years in the Bass Rankin TV special groaner ‘Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town.’ All the tropes get discovered including what will come true “If You Sit on My Lap Today.” It’s so deadly serious a showtune, the young tune out of the show.
The Heebee-Jeebees admit to being a regular guy who just can’t wait to be stood in line for as a “Shopping Mall Santa Claus.” Country stomper humor.
After a time or two, kids are resigned to see the department store Santa. It’s just a job, after all.
Joshua Creek details the critical three-year-old’s concern about “Santa’s at the Mall.” This folk-grass strummer weighs down the youngsters with mythos angst.
Whit Hill and Latini steel guitar the rock blues in “Going with My Cousin to See Santa at the Mall.” Their lassitude is exceeded only by their drawl.
The super-supenseful stomach-jumping season of Xmas can be seen on the faces of the children daring to wonder and want. That line leading up to the mall Santa is dense with dreams.
See if you can listen to JP Hoe’s earnest emo “Shopping Mall Santa.” I highly recommend this cazh-pop romp as he delves deeper and deeper into daring desire.
Cardoors tootle out some old world folk warning of childish list-making. “I’m Gonna Sit on Santa’s Lap” is declarative but off-putting.
Eddy Arnold adds some disaffected country twang to usher the boys and girls for “Sittin’ on Santa Claus’s Lap.” It’s Lawrence Welk-worthy oompah. But with the best intentions.
Perhaps not everyone knows about this stranger it’s okay to talk to and take candy from. But December is full of exceptions to the rule.
Gluon Love tutors the tots with their how-to “Santa’s Lap,” an introduction with happy garage fun. Heartwarming!
Jacobsen Brothers dramatize the intro of a wee one to the huge hirsute one with disastrous results. Pop techno glee is “Santa? Who’s That?“