Sometimes you get no Xmas presents ‘cuz you get no food, clothing, or shelter.
Poverty is pretty sad, pretty harmonic, and pretty syncopated in “Christmas Came Just the Same,” a smarmy Whoville country ballad that makes ‘came’ several unnecessary syllables. James Leo Oliver delivers as per usual.
Homeless homilies pepper the slightly more musical “I Have No Gifts” from Michael J Thoma. This tootles off the country pathos into easy listening with some unstoppable oboe. Spoiler: this song is the gift.
When Jesus Roosevelt Christ was born, no one gave gifts. Okay, some randos showed outta nowhere couple weeks later… but were beedays observed with bikes and socks back in that day? don’t think so.
“Jesus Got Nothing for Christmas” is the new wave offering from Hank Green, that vlogger (you really should Crash Course again) who seems to be able to be funny and everything (irreverently).
Or did Santa just mean to single YOU out for no presents?
“Forgot Mrs. Claus” lays the jelly roll blues from Ben Levin onto the possibility that everyone else receives. Of all the omissions you coulda, big guy! Oh!
So what’s a bloke to do when Santa doesn’t come through?
Hoggles Jewelry recounts that time Santa just disappeared in “Fran Spoils Christmas.” This is a sneaky garage party tune, so don’t worry if you wanna party ’bout it.
Tell Santa that the malfeasance wasn’t your fault, honey. RuPaul ameliorates her admission in “Nothing for Christmas” with the Imma child of circumstances routine. Remember 23B… you ready?
Callux argues, threatens, and comes through with the pop happening “Naughty List.” No gifts and you don’t exist, Kringles!
Santa’s just a guy, right. What if something comes up? Man gets busy, time flies… nothing for you.
Playful fake-out from Chris Bennett, “Santa Claus Forgot” is jazz foolishness set to make you appreciate what you get more than what you don’t.
Or he just doesn’t like those warmer climes?! Cabana Man shakes ragtime blues with jazz pop for another overwrought worry in “Come on Out da Chimney.” BTW, Santa can be lured with rum.
The Jordanaires turn their present absence into a teachable moment in the oompah-swing “Santa, You Forgot About Us Last Year.” The lesson, i think, is for all youngsters to mobilize to join some political action cause and forget crass materialism. I better listen to this again.
In a world… without Santa… where would presents be?
Dunt dun DUH.
Fiction Family claims “I Don’t Need No Santa Claus,” but it’s because he gots his baby. Rockabilly always needs more airtime on noveltychristmasmusic.com, so there. Swing it, swingers.
Victoria Spivey rolls out the blues when she’s got no Santa (she means a man to take care a’ her). “Christmas Without Santa Claus” is depressing, but you know what she means, don’t you all?
Shirley Booth and Mickey Rooney and co. introduce “The Year Without Santa Claus” from the 1974 Rankin & Bass TV event with a musical tribute to the ol’ bugger taking time off. Gonna need a note from the Surgeon General, boo.
Myth? BLUE ALERT angry response. “Ain’t No Santa” from Trick Daddy raps hard on the miserable world we have, which precludes the hope and love a Santa would bestow upon us. No hugs from thugs.
Christmas gets along without him, right? “The Christmas Films that Forgot Santa” are the usual suspects that people debate whether or not they’re holiday movies. Launch Control rockets the pop so you don’t take any but their side. Woo!
Jonathan Fin finishes off the whole presents for free con job with sidebars to incest abuse, god gimcrackery, and alien invasion in the ‘Here Comes’ parody “There’s No Santa Claus.” ‘Nuff said.
Does the fat man in the red suit forget? It’s his one job! How–?
‘Course Nat King Cole tugs at the overly orchestrated heart strings with “The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot” (grammar, dude). Jazz out of poverty, imagine that.
Beboop from Kidsongs isn’t all that bad. But the shameless begging in “Santa, Please Don’t Forget Me” might turn a ‘naughty’ into a ‘than guy’ (as in more this guy than that guy… you know what, nevermind; sometimes an English major does more harm than good at cobbling together jokes.)
No Xmas presents because you forgot?! Is that the weakest excuse ever?!
Sonny James plays it cute despite the steel guitar country twang of “I Forgot to Remember Santa Claus” while buying presents. It’s 1954-ful of innocence.
Tony and Da Guys brandish the cool guy big band swing of “I Forgot That It was Christmas” like that ain’t no thang. You might get away with those bad manners, ya so charmin’!+
