Please… Don’t… I Have Children….

Vengeance escalates, then murder. For christmas!

The most twisted vengeful song only digs one grave with the pop wisecracking of Kunt and the Gang in “Kuntish Christmas.” Lots of evil wishing, so don’t worry.

“Santa’s Revenge” is a new age lite metal from Infinity Greenhouse about Dead Santa returning to grant atom bombs to the kids, to make the world pay for their sins. Is this Futurama?

“Silent Night Deadly Night” is mass slaughter metal rocked from Vista Blue. The orphan says, they’re gonna pay. Now we got a song!

Young Mark’s “The Farewell Ballad of Holiday Wonderment and Joy and Blood Also” is a mini-show of in memoriam, but only screaming so at the end. Whoa, that came out of nowhere.

Inward Chills direct “CSI Lapland,” a tinkly ad lib folk corrado about Santa killing. Will justify prevail?

Only You Can Prevent Xmas Fires

‘Chicago Fire’ fan lyrics with “In Harm’s Way,” a country folk elegy from Kid Mayhem. It’s about those heroes who spend Christmas with you and your charred remains.

Parody’s back! Dave Rudolf tackles Johnny Cash in his “Flue of Fire.” Santa don’t like it when you leave a light on for him!

Piedmont Songbag seems to revel in the arson. “A Christmas to Remember” is a soft folk dialogue between nostalgic rememberers and that year the tree burned down (pretty colors!). But then “Burning the Christmas Tree” is an insistent polka of ritualistic bacchanalia.

Stop, Drop, and Roll

House fires are more common around the holidays due to the advanced stupidity that coddles the rabid consumer. That and the decline of Western Civilization.

Eye Suck industrializes garage rock for a visit to a “Bad Christmas.” We’re all suffering, my dudes.

It’s just the tree for Destroying Something Beautiful in the whispery indie “The Worst Christmas We Ever Had.” Family dysfunction!

Simpler parody from Dave Williams. “O Schadenfreude” takes on the Fox News conspiracy that their public spectacle of a (fake) tree was torched as a hate crime in 2021.

Zydeco fun from Dave & Jeanine advising you NOT to forget to “Put Out the Ol’ Yule Log.” Consequences of such a lapse include inferno.

The Living End–

Except for Tim Allen, no one ever said Santa was immortal.

“Worst Christmas Song Ever” is crappy lounge singing about the tender tots asleep on Christmas. Glenn Simonelli jazzes up the prank about telling the kids about Claus’s demise.

In “Christmas Sucks (Sheepie’s Christmas)” AlbinoBlackSheep (feat. Andrew Kepple) sings music hall jazz about how we all hate S.C.! After shooting him down, however, Sheepie has regrets.

Pete the Elf tipped me wise to the goth/blues of finding dead Santa whilst doing chimney work in the beautifully dark “A Daddy Christmas Eve” by Who’s the Daddy Now? Silver lining: another believer!

Make Like Monkeys return to feed the greed in “Mine!!! Rub Out Santa Claus.” Arsenic pies make an appearance in this ragtime-ish polka pop.

Oh No!

Nearly the worst that could befall us Christmas-wise would be a Santa-cide.

DJ Chestnuts raps over the reverb about our merry loss in “Christmas Tragedy.” Another Santa dead….

Cocoon swings it Sufjan Stevens style with the startling “Christmas Song.” No graphic details here, just innuendo after Santa doesn’t appear: The reindeer may have been shot in the skies.

Some random teens appear as The Untitled and indie up the sentiment with “A Christmas Tragedy.” Short, but not sweet.

What’s That? Up in the Sky!

Car wrecks? Sleigh wrecks!

“Santa Smashed Into Our House” by Flooded Cellar is the down home country of a happy moment made quite unhappy.

Roland Buscar attempts to help out Santa after he drops dead, but the sleigh is too much for him in “A Very Ragamuffin Xmas.” BLUE ALERT rap with a bailed ending.

Mike and Brian find Santa with a broken knee after a collision, which results in a slow jam pop that maintains “Every Day is Christmas.” Misery-style, Santa is recuperating in their own home.

Torch singing, Hadley Park country divas out “Santa Crashed His Sleigh Into Our Garage.” No word how the bearded one is…

Honk Honk

Statistics claim traffic injuries/fatalities are more numerous in the summer months than the winter… and yet, how awful for Xmas to be marred so.

Fleet Foxes messes with perception in their “White Winter Hymnal” about being careful not being enough when I turned ’round and there you go… Indie spookiness.

Lots of ‘Run Over’ songs and take offs. We shouldn’t, but we’ll allow “Grandpa Got run Over by a Hybrid.” Brad Tassell & Steve Goodie acquit the thankless job deliberately. Liberal backlash.

More parody?! “Here Comes Bubba’s Cows” all over NASCAR tracks. Dave Rudolf returns for a not-so-Christmas carol. Fire up the ‘Cue!

More on topic would be The Non Traditionals returning for “We Hit the Reindeers.” Jazzy rock with an MA rating.

“I was Made for Losing You” is an auto fatality from the POV of the DOA. Yikes, but soothing pop from Eric Bachmann.

Turn Into the Skid

“Car Seat Headrest and a Flashing Light” is all there is when winter traffic misadventures take over. The Non Traditionals indie rock this mess into a lesson to heed.

Alan Racadag’s “Worst Christmas Ever” revolves around sensory defenestration as well. …trying to remember… trying to forget… weirdly quiet indie grief.

The Cuckoo Clocks jazz band their “Accidents at Christmas” for a more complex family dynamic. Rejected Dad is driving away from his allotted holiday home time when he loses control of the car–

You Poor Thing!

Slip happens around Xmas.

Aaron Tippin’s cornball country reports that Santa slipped (or maybe he tripped) and that was “The Year Santa Never Came.” Note: Mrs. C takes over.

Bri Kaye sings of breaking her arm Christmas morning, fever of 103 in the alt-country “Here to Stay.” Not so terrible by the song, but better you than me, sis.

Hal Willis rumbles for sympathy as he details “Kris Kringle’s Krick.” He hurt his sacroiliac, see, ‘cuz it rhymes (and he’s old). Country cornpone.

“Santa Fell Down Sizewell B” according to Croydon Tourist Office. Symphonized Brit pop lets on how Christmas is cancelled. so much for being good!

Look Out!

More activity in darker days means one thing: lack of Vitamin D! And, erm, well, also accidents. Often featuring Mr. Christmas himself.

Short and hilarious is “Christmas at the Bottom of a Well” by The Light. Listen and see.

Tom Dyer sadly relates Doober’s ailments after returning from WWII. As a mall Santa much later, he’s hardly whole. But “It’s a White Mule Christmas,” so some fun jug band bluegrass.

Just as countrified, Dave Rudolf makes light of ‘Go Tell It’ with “Bo Fell Off the Mountain.” Those good ol’ boys… spooked by a squirrel!

Some mishaps are worse than others. StarFish remembers when “Santa Split His Pants.” How bad is that??? Mocking children’s music.