Novelty Christmas Music

The good ‘A Christmas Carol’s out there build on the textual Dickens. For example, StarKid’s “VHS Christmas Carol” is a bizarre multimedia synth fest from the ’80s. The original songs, sly anachronisms, and cabaret casualness make the serious-as-a-heart-attack moral seem more timeless. I’ve tagged “I’m the Ghost” before, but this historian’s lesson is disco-lite fun. Then the present ghost’s “Christmas Electricity” is disco-hard fun (with dance tutorial). Next, “The Final Ghost” showcases the Scrooge character’s comedy as he nearly raps to an unspeaking motivator. A moving operetta with a killer backbeat.

The 1992 “A Muppet Christmas Carol” wins the musicals award for best Dickens, though. Schmaltzy (“When Love is Gone“), but Paul Williams (“One More Sleep ’til Christmas“), so the songs are occasionally catchy (“Christmas Scat“) and the wordplay is precious (“Scrooge“). “Marley and Marley” is one of the better dance numbers–and it’s adapted so The Muppet Show duo elder hecklers fit the single role of Dante’s Virgil. But i’ve marked that song before. Let’s go with all the attributes in one song: “It Feels Like Christmas,” the ghost of Present making the case for love.

I may not be able to account for all the ‘A Christmas Carol’ musicals. Let’s bring on the Dickens.

We’ve already made obeisance to perhaps the best of these musicals, ‘Mr. Magoo’s A Christmas Carol.’

Most pregnant with expectation, may have been the 1970 musical ‘Scrooge.’ Nipping at the heels of the Best Picture ‘Oliver,’ this Grand Guignol movie earned critical raves of ‘unobtrusive’ and ‘innocuous’ and ‘forgettable.’ Albert Finney was noted as not really singing. The short-ish songs aren’t too bad though. “Father Christmas” is a marching merry jape urchins make over Scrooge in the street. Fezziwig’s party in the past is a fine reel for “December the 25th.” From the present, the spirit teaches affirmations to Scrooge with “I Like Life,” a fine stumble into positivism. The most memorable number is from the plunderers of the neglected estate in the future “Thank You Very Much“–another grand tramp through town. I’m welcome.

Overfeeding the cash cow, ‘A Christmas Story, The Musical‘ in 2009 enlarged slightly upon the middle class time capsule of the ’83 movie. The 1940s Hoosier setting seems to have nothing to do with the war years, but all to do with bourgeois religion of greed (“Counting Down to Christmas“). Granted, “Red Ryder Carbine Action BB Gun” makes a showstopping appearance, but the emergence of existential angst (“Somewhere Hovering Over Indiana“) sticks out like a polio outbreak. When humanity rears “What a Mother Does” or “When You’re a Wimp,” it embarrasses us with the previously undiagnosed ingredients that have led America to mass murder and gender warfare. Most untainted and innocent must be “A Kid at Christmas.”

Also in the nobody asked for it category, ‘Elf The Musical‘ was the 2010 adapt of the 2003 film. Overearnest (“A Christmas Song“), overorchestrated (“Finale“), over the top stylings (“Never Fall in Love with an Elf“) smother the silly comedy of a hyperactive man-child who doesn’t fit in the world of fantasy (“Christmastown“) nor the world of fiscality (“Just Like Him“). Then again, the burlesque number about department store imposters “Nobody Cares About Santa” stands out.

‘Jingle Jangle‘ is the ’20 Netflix musical about dueling toymakers goaded on by their sentient toys, but neglectful of their families. Hardly a Christmas miracle, this whirligig of a spectacle is rife with gospel (“Make It Work“) and guilt (“Over and Over“), while allowing for growth (“Square Root of Possible“). [Ed.: ‘The Games Maker‘ was a better movie about the same thing.] “Borrow Indefinitely” is the surprising tango number from one of the toys. It deserves a minute of your time.

Also beset with potential, ‘Anna and the Apocalypse‘ was a ’17 British curiosity: zombie-fighting teen musical. Cool concept, meh production. The songs are indistinct navel gazers about who-am-I and who’ll-love-me. But, it’s set during the holidays and has a whole single song about Christmas (“Christmas Means Nothing Without You“–the same old pop). I mention this in passing, as the one song that stands out is when the school bully takes center stage about how much he wants to kick zombie ass in “Soldier at War.” Nearly entertaining.

A “Flahooley” was a doll manufactured by B.G. Bigelow, Incorporated, the world’s largest (fictional) toy manufacturer. Toymaker Sylvester created the laughing doll as part of the company’s potential Christmas line. But then–an Arabian delegation wants its genie lamp fixed by the toy company (???) so it can continue to pump oil(???). Hijinx ensue with capitalism (“Jump Li’l Chillun” is the strange gospel song about it–yes, it’s racist) and magic (“The Springtime Cometh” is cute doggerel lacquering on a silver lining) competing for the hearts and minds of all doll buyers.

This 1951 musical closed after 40 shows, a failure by most standards. The McCarthyism of the time was blamed (the writer E.Y. Harburg had been blacklisted as a sympathizer) and his slanted humor and musicality seemed too bitter a pill to swallow for most. (See: “Najala’s Song of Joy,” a mishegas of nonsense that’s meant to honor Middle Eastern culture.)

The doll itself gets a forced laugh in the “Flahooley!” marketing song. Boisterous anthem that spits in your face.

The love song “He’s Only Wonderful” is overproduced shouting.

“Who Says There Ain’t No Santa Claus?” (from Sylvester) interrupts the plot early on for a jaunty symphonic rhetorical quandry meant to cement an awkward couple. Some fun. Though not much.

The Winter Failure puts out a Christmas Album every year. I thought i hit pay dirt when i found The Winter Failure Musical, but it turned out to be a colorful story about Roger’s quest for love OR a career (he gets neither). The songs in-between the funny narrated bits are modern standards (“All I Want…“??), however, so more of a revue than a musical.

I will instead rely on P.S. It’s Christmas, an original high concept album about a human named Grizzly abducted by an alien named Far-Naz (for short) (“Dear Grizzly I” explains some with a showtune/kidsong kick). After returning to Earth, they write songs to each other daily (“Dear Grizzly VI“–a dance indie), bros helping bros with romantic tips (vulnerably alt: “Gosh I Hope She Calls“… in response Far-naz offers to crater her in the rocking “Dear Grizzly III“) and other existential crises (the big folk music ask: “Why“). [Some of these songs have appeared on the blog afore.] The folksy indie approach surprisingly adds to the sentimentality of friendship (“I Can’t Wait!”). It’s Xmas totes adorbs especially in the new age “Dear Grizzly VII” where the alien spots Santa! I’d see this if it were ever staged!

Notice has been had on the ‘Nativity!’ series of movie musicals beforehand. But in 2017 a staged musical was put on the boards retelling that story of battling primary school pageants (the posh vs. the public). Guess who’ll win the contract to be made into a movie! (No one, that was a lie.)

Plagued with multitudinous tiny voices reverberating in ‘harmony,’ the best of the over two dozen pop & rock songs feature soloists and their inner struggles. “My Very First Day at School” for example. On the other stage left, however, “Our School Nativity” is a series of audacious auditions with sob stories (like in ‘A Chorus Line’), followed by the resentful, regretful “Dear Father Christmas” in which the kids heartfeltedly wish for better roles. The kids’ show, finally, is skippable. Before then the “Herod! The Rock Opera” is but a smattering of screaming, but the borrowed Andrew Lloyd Webber guitar riff sells it for me. Another quickie, “Review,” caught my ear, as the most horrible man in town savages the public school’s previous unassuming attempt. Yowza.

Let’s get nuts. Songs are the backbone of my blogging, but they’re also the spine of the musician, the vertebrae of the album structure, and the central nervous adjunct of the on-stage musical. I’ve been in a dither lately when I resisted someone foisting the Star Trek musical episode soundtrack on me, claiming i wasn’t a fan of musicals. But that’s like NOT being a fan of music. There’s good and there’s bad. [Granted, here on the blog, i always include good and bad songs together… but i’ll snarkily judge for y’all.]

Musicals are an expression of story: full of character development, plot twists, setting context, and philosophical outcome. Then there’s book and score. One group is an excuse for the other. For our purposes, the songs matter more.

[I’ve stumbled over many a musical during my years of sampling so we’ll revisit some songs, but we’ll avoid all the Hallmark mistakes that toss in a number or two, and all the church/school jamborees for the 2nd grade performers, as well as the BIG SHOWS like ‘Holiday Inn’ and all those TV specials you know inside and out {For a much better blog about those see: ChristmasTVHistory.com}.]

To begin with, the tragedy of the Rouse Simmons (‘the Christmas Ship’) has broken wave before on the blog… but Chicago boasted a seasonal run of “The Christmas Schooner” for twelve years beginning in 1996. Set in that fateful pre-Wars year of 1912, the troubles with immigration (“That’s America“), poverty (“Song of the Hungry Peasants“), and modern morality (“Loving Sons“) supersede Christmas (“Winterfest Polka“) and the impending shipwreck itself (“Questions“)–the show ends by the final voyage the fictional Molly.

The 1910s Midwesternism of the setting lends itself to an operettic feel for the show. Each number is a warbling/belted out old-timey stretch. The drama of the big success of the first run of trees in “The Christmas Schooner” works well for that. But, i’ll admit a fondness for the suspenseful foreshadowing in “What is It about the Water?” Lots of shouting braided with boys’ choir and journaled angst. And pretty piano, too.