Gunna Celebrate.225 Winchester

Why do we need a brand new Jesus, a “Brand New Christmas“? Hot Chocolate gospel/disco raps why–To take the gun out of the fighting hand, To take a little away, from the greedy man. ‘Seasy!

Trouble with money, trouble with drugs, trouble with being “Lazy,” yet Jay Stunner claims: This Christmas I done bought errbody a gun. Yer standard BLUE ALERT rap.

Greg Volk’s folk pop “Have a Maga Christmas” might be straightforward, it might be ironic (lots of ‘whatever‘s), but it does suggest Gun-right garland, whatever that might be.

Sum 41 & Tenacious D ups the ante with an expectedly ridiculous metal screaming list in “Things I Want,” a solid gold Harley with machine guns on the front included.

Gunna Celebrate.224 Valkyrie

Garrett Forge needs cheering up around this time of year, in fact a “Cup of Cheer“–or twenty. But he watches all the right shows (Ralphie gets his B.B. gun), or he has to–the kids insist. He’d rather watch the bowl games. Perhaps another cup… poor sloshily spoken pop singer.

Eddie Money goes middle of the road with the ‘rocking’ “Everybody Loves Christmas.” My daughter Chealsea wants a doll that talks; Little Johnny wants a BB Gun. Wake up, Eddie… you don’t have a son Johnny. (Oh, he’s dead? never mind.)

Joe Diffie’s somewhat-country “Mr. Christmas” also delivers A Barbie doll and a little toy gun. Not to much acclaim, it would seem. Somnolent pop.

Guns are called to silence by prayer by John Denver in “Christmas Like a Lullaby.” Easy Listening country to put you to sleep.

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“A Gun for Christmas” by The Brown Christmas seems to recount an actual gift with tragic results. Hard to tell through all that garage synth. Just as well.

Tweaking and plunking, “Don’t Shoot, It’s X​-​Mas!” by Colemanworld comes in at the bare minimum of a song about something.

The _____ Hunters growl and slobber their garage way through psychopathy with an Xmas wish for “My New Gun.” It’s not pretty. Boys will kill boys.

Despite the warning not to fear “Tofu for Christmas,” Dad’s grabbing his gun! Tofu Vibrations punk that metal to make their point. I’m afraid.

Gunna Celebrate.22-250 Remington BLUE ALERT

Kids today! Utter Nonsense electronically raps: I put a gun in the turkey ‘Cause my momma said No phones at the table; Well now she’s dead. “Tik Tok Boy” marches to a different drummer only he can hear.

More fun with Te Vale Quien Soy serenading us slow and folksy with “I Shoot My Gun on Christmas.” Attention seeker!

Megahurts retro-pops “All I Got for Christmas was This Lousy Gun.” You could dance to it, but you might wanna do the Watusi instead.

If ever emo-boy pop was deserved it was for “Abandonment Clause” by Cloudwatch. I promise I’ll stay, Won’t tell no one–It’s Christmas day: I wanted a gun. Spoiler: it’a about abuse in the home. BLUE ALERT tearjerking.

Gunna Celebrate.222 Remington Magnum BLUE ALERT

Smash Mouth can sing a song, i’ll admit it. The ne’erdowells in their swing rock “Better Do It Right” beg, borrow, and steal, as Santa didn’t come. And all you wanted was a BB gun.

Party time! “All I Want For Christmas (Is A Gun)” by Pete Witham & The Cozmik Zombies is just the beginning. According to Neitsche he just deserves some fun. With this country pop, figger that’s a start.

Rapper say: Like I be shoppin for Christmas; I got a gun on my wishlist. John Cannon’s “On Me” seems more like an autotune bitchfest. BLUE ALERT

It’s all bad in “Bring On Your Last Existential Sabora,” an electronic ballad from Coping Mechanism. Life sucks, then you get a present. A shotgun? BLUE ALERT

Gunna Celebrate.221 Remington Fireball

Guess i missed this curiosity a few months back when we scrutinized songs about monsters. Extize extols how Christmas Eve starts with a gun; Guess the nightmare has begun when you’ve got “Gremlins in the System.” Peppy metal.

“Merry Christmas (Wanna See My Dad’s Gun​?​)” boasts the claim it was written in ten minutes. Guwange, however, gives us a thoughtful, hyperactive, short garage pop to challenge our traditions.

Gettin’ us down, Guy Clark is pickin’ at the ol’ gee-tar with “Queenie’s Song.” He bets you got a gun for Christmas, but that don’t make it right.’Cuz what you did ain’t shoulda been done. You son of a bitch.

Joybuzzard resorts to garage folk to melt away hopes, expectations, and cheer in “The Broomslinger.” He carries a broom on Christmas Eve, a gun on Christmas Day. You’ll see why.

Gunna Celebrate.220 Russian

“A Candy Gun for Christmas” by Niels Cremer takes a step back from the violence and rage and considers the psychology of toys and gifts with new aged indie-ism. BTW do you eat a candy gun barrel first??

…Running around naked firing nerf guns in the air is the least of the problems in the lite-metal “Another Family Christmas” from 77 Apes. Duck!

Two-Ton Santa warbles rock on the attic recording “Toy Gun.” There may be a lesson in here….

Even more atonal, “Bobby Got a BB Gun for Christmas” from Todds Holiday Greeting Disk spools out the escalating tale of a budding sociopath. Shouted folk pop.

Gunna Celebrate.22 Cheetah

Machine gun? The thugs in The Kinks’ “Father Christmas” ask for one (if you have one). Nearly polite for muggers. Classic rock/proto punk.

Caetano Veloso has a problem “In The Hot Sun Of A Christmas Day.” Through slow-mo classical pop we learn he’s being chased, but by someone who machine gunned someone else. I think. Wild flute backing it all up.

Against All Flags waves their garage banner “Machine Gun Christmas” like it’s the answer to all their problems. Then they switch to wanting a guitar. Whew.

“All I Want for Christmas (Is a Machine Gun)” by Henrique Couto is a mojo-nixon soundalike daring you to be offended with its pop sound. Cool.

Gunna Celebrate.219 Donaldson Wasp

More movie violence in honor of the holidays…

The Blankok Brothers get carried away with racism and gratuitous killing in the nearly country “Now I Have A Machine Gun (Ho​-​Ho​-​Ho​-​Ho).” For all its ‘Merican patriotism it sounds foreignly accented. BLUE ALERT

D. Brawlins narrates a bit more of ‘Die Hard’ in ” Now I Have A Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” Garage rage with careful pacing.

Churlington’s “Now I Have a Machine Gun… Ho Ho Ho” is more appropriately metal. BLUE ALERT again.

Harsher metal from Weak Music for Thomas in their “Now I Have a Machine Gun, Ho Ho Ho.” Fight the machine… erm, i mean terrorists. BLUE ALERT probably.

Honor Among Thieves’ “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho” is even more appropriately punk. I have no idea if there’s profanity in there. Better BLUE ALERT anyway.

Let us close with Dislocator mixing more rock than metal in their retelling “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” The title of the movie is the refrain. Top that, Mr. Mystery Man.

Gunna Celebrate.218 Bee

Somebody loves ‘A Christmas Story.’ Not me. Maybe these guys.

DJ UnEq samples catch phrases to a mix beat for “Shoot Your Eye Out (4-track demo).” It gets crazy. Danceable? Jury’s out.

Then there’s Fall Out Boy’s “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out“–a real millennial meh about the holidays. Indie about not wanting you, or home, or anything. Not about guns, just the metaphor thingie. (angel chipmunks this nicely.)

“Wrap It Like A Christmas Present, Or Yule Shoot An Eye Out” is an all you can’t stand buffet of sexual metaphors using yuletide terms from DG. Shooting must be… oh. Sloppy rap.

Matt Wixson’s Flying Circus punks up “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out” with narration from that movie to some slight amusement.

RKVC musicalizes many of the memorable lines from that movie with some bompin’ club music in “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out.” The title’s the chorus.