Yankee Doodle is an insult, of course, but we know how to reappropriate tawdry phrases in this here land of the i-hear-what-i-want-to-hear, home of the shut-your-immigrant-faces.
And no better starting point than K-4 in our public education. Plank Road Publishing offers several easy-to-learn musical numbers for kids for special events indoctrinating, educating, and amusing all at once.
Sitting through these free-for-alls in asbestos-ridden antique auditoria is not the same as listening to music. So let’s not worry about the sampler-sized parcels available from Teresa and Paul Jennings’s work. (These are the adverts for the musical directors at elementary schools–I am NOT going to attach the home movies of any performances.)
Suffice to say, “An All American Christmas,” and “Yankee Doodle Santa,” and “Yankee Doodle Christmas” all sound like someone has an unrequited love of music, a bureaucratic devotion to children, and a carefree sense of history.
The Christmas songs of our founding fathers are too archaeological to consider (church hymns)–good Christmas carols don’t come around for another century after that.
But those second banana has-beens Paul Revere and the Raiders offer a light psychedelic commentary on Vietnam by singing about Revolutionary wartime conditions in “Valley Forge” (even Doonesbury saw that connection despite the jungle/snowbank dichotomy). Not much of a Yule tune, but it’s off their cool cool cool ’67 album: A Christmas Present… and Past. Good stuff, groovesters.
By my Ziggy calendar it’s January… and no one gives a rat’s hat about the Yule after this date.
So let’s get weird.
This month we celebrate Americana (Norte-style). Not many novelty Christmas songs scream USA Xmas, but some significant ones do, so we’ll go slow and see where we get to (we’ll be mentioning the boys overseas quite a bit). This is NOT about the individual states (Ben Dare, Don Datt), or–if we can help it– about the regions or coasts. This is about bringing us all together as one people. like science fiction is supposed to do, like Teddy Roosevelt wanted, like YOU desire in your heart.
So let’s begin with the first peoples, the founders of our land.
Jana Sampson is our usual ambassador to traditional carols in aboriginal languages, but let’s give Laura Burnouf a shot in Cree with “Little Drummer Boy.” It’s artistically folky without the hint of a drum, deerskin or otherwise.
The band Northern Cree gets a bit more humorous and self serving with their unfortunate “NDN 12 Days of Christmas.” There isn’t much to listen to when i reference the reprehensible twelve.
Oldhands makes it all real with “Stuck in the Smoke Hole of Our Tipi.” Swing and sway with the chanting and the culture clash. (They pawn our gifts?) (Maybe they’re Pawnees? Larf!)
Tracey Rich posts a cute slide show to accompany somebody’s “Chanukah with the Chipmunks.” Oddly these rodents don’t ask for as much as their Christian counterparts.
Slightly confusing is Alison Faith Levy (helped by Karla Kane) strumming away as earnest as a rabbi on Larry King Live with “All I Want for Chanukah is a Ukulele.” Oy gevalt.
Mr Palindrome tweaks the old ‘Hippopotamus’ novelty just the slightest which only adds fuel to the fire over whose holiday is ripping off whose. Nice trombone touch on his “I Want a Hippopotamus for Hanukkah.” The Jimmies rock their version if you feel like some real music. (Sadly they want another one for Kwanzaa.)
According to my calendar, Hanukkah started a couple days ago and goes to the 1st. What’s a celebrant to do? Well, if you don’t have your wishes documented by now you may be out of latkes!
Your Hanukkah list should exceed your Christmas list eight-fold, we are told. So let’s get the dolla-dolla-dolla outta the way with Emily Zisman singing “Whoring for Hanukkah” –uh oh, this could be naughty. (It’s not! mischievous at worst!)
Whether you’re mad or Muslim, wanting nothing for Christmas is a time honored form of insanity that ranges from gee golly goodness, to slick tricksy manipulation.
Rodd and Judy share a tale of a little boy who asks “Santa Fix My Toys for Christmas.” Those nights of daddy weeping into the bills has worked its magic on the little tike.
Shawn Colvin is satisfied with just you, sweetie. So when she sings “I Don’t Need Anything This Christmas” she means she’s fed up with the season and just wants a time out with your company. Yawn.
Rockin’ country Raul Malo ( with a helping hand from David Andrews) rants “I Don’t Need Anything for Christmas.” It’s boot stompin’ appreciation of you. Again.
Caravan of Thieves gets that swing thing ringing with “I Don’t Want Anything for Christmas,” once again stepping off the reindeer racetrack into a quiet room –with YOU.
Punk jump with Dirt Box Disco (what else would you do with ’em?) to “I Don’t Want Anything for Christmas.” The (but you) is understood, but said anyway.
Punkin’ the folk music come verily New Found Glory exhorting “Nothing for Christmas.” This is gentle grunge, puttin’ the loves on you.
Quick diva detour via Tamar Braxton who asks for “No Gift” because she’s (altogether now) got you. Nice rolling range, but nothing to see here….
Three Wise Guys croon up a tempest with “I Don’t Want Anything for Christmas,” but this time it’s material. They don’t need you, honey. Maybe peace on earth. Maybe. Just none of that present crap. (With a bit more soul and a cool ‘grass fiddle Laura Gibson, McKinley, Kristin Hersh, Tony Furtado, SLara Michelle, Steve Berlin, Jim Brunberg, Linda Hornbuckle, Art Alexakis & Stephanie Schneidermann sing the same.)
Big E Dude lets it slip that “I Don’t Want Nothin’ for Christmas” is reverse psychology. He lets it slip what you coulda got him, if you felt bad about his humility.
By my calendar it’s the twenty-fifth of December. Time to reflect on what we’ve learned over the last year.
Some Xmas songs are wonderful.
Some Xmas songs are terrible.
But i don’t give much thought to the trouble of making the videos. Here are some of my favorite music videos over the last year…
Zissou Society don’t have much of a song with “Oh Shit, It’s Christmas,” but watch their collection of holiday commercials set to their salty celebration:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZAVmm74Qao
[edit: whoops, musta got a letter from Mickey Dees to pull that video. But in retrospect, i like the song. Just imagine 1970s TV going on…
]
Jeffrey Cannon uses borrowed cartoon and reinvigorates the old “Frumpy the Christmas Frog” so that kids of all generations may wonder WTF?
Here Come the Mummies like some dress up, but for “Secret Santa” they have gone beyond the pale for an homage to the old ‘Rudolph’ TV special, but this time with a stag party. That dentist elf’s got some moves! (Better video than song, sorry.)
Bret McKenzie goes electronica for “Electronic Santa” a dance video full of dance. I can dig it.
I keep listening to Big B and K David recite their “Christmas List, Yo.” But I’ve come to realize their video is active and energetic and teaches me cool new dance moves (‘swipe the credit card!’).
Keeping it funny… something called Verbatim Lyrics (this is old, old VHS stuff) used to play with MTV videos and replace vapid lyrics with descriptions of what the people in the mini-movies are doing. Here is George Michael’s “Last Christmas” sendup. Uh–Burn!
To balance the amusing with the angering, Poly Styrene plays pop on the punk sentiments of Christmas being the downfall of civilization with “Black Christmas.” Damn if it don’t make me want to dance to doomsday.
Do we have time for a quick science class power point? We do? Jay Livingston and Ray Evans make chemistry Christmassy with “Silver Balls.” Take notes.
While in the humor department, let’s pretend a song wallpapered with memes is a video. ‘Cuz i like “Play That Christmas Music White Boy.” I need to hear it one more time.
For a top ten finale, gotta get even dirtier (what we call a BLUE ALERT for you meddlin’ parent-types) with Jimmy Colorado and the Bronco Band (Bath Boys Comedy actually). These boys have parodied the classic country music video with their heart-warming “Christmas Shit.” I laugh every time (now you know that).
