Year-round Yuletide oddities
Well, now we’re over you you you. December is like that. Gonna take out all my stress on your stupid face.
Commiserate with the JaJanoskians as they party anthem their middle finger with “All I Want 4 Christmas.” (Hint: it’s not you.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPfgf3imFYM
Baby baby bae, you know i don’t want no presents, no toys, no cash, no distractions, no trash…
It’s YOU only that i want.
Now, don’t run… this is a Mariah-free zone. We don’t play the overplayed.
But, back from the ‘Fifties and more was “You’re All I Want for Christmas” a monster hit recorded by Bing, Al Martino, Frankie Avalon, Sarah Geronimo, and Filipinos Rico J. Puno and Nora Aunor.
The Larks got an old timey rock ‘n’roll croon-y feel with “All I Want for Christmas.” Boy band doo coppers! Poetical!
Pretty a cappella from The Bobs warmly round the hearth espouses the need so gently, gently. “All I Want for Christmas” is sappy done right. (It’a about the friendship, babe.)
Down home country wants to sentimentalize as well. “All I Want for Christmas Dear is You” is a bit of a mouthful, but when pronounced faithfully gets you back in the house into her loving arms. Buck Owens knew it. So did Travis Tritt, Louis Mandrell, Clint Erb, Heart LeBlanc, The Playtones (mmm, honky tonky), Swiss Highwaymen, and Cajun Paul Dwayne. (Who are these guys?)
Updating the music, Casey Shea beatboxes the R+B sound with “You’re All I Want for Christmas.” Bubblegum, kids!
Even more modern, the dB’s garage the beat with that old fashioned too-many rock stars folk-harmonizing kind of sound we remember from the ’90s. “You’re What I Want for Christmas” wants you to want to like them.
Give the girls a turn! Judi Silvano goes whiskey club jazz with those loooo-ooong held notes singing “I’d Like You for Christmas.” She maintains her notes so long, Chanukah gets in there, too. Raise the highballs for that xylophone solo! Julie London sexied it up way back when. But, gee, she sounds like a Playboy cartoon.
Boogie woogie style from Foghat (!) sets a whole ‘nother mood for “All I Want for christmas is You.” Highsteppin’ and finger waggin’ would not be out of the realm of possibility here.
Cowboybilly rock is all i can think to call the Fleshtones’ “You’re All I Want for Christmas.” I hear Elvis, Gene Autry, with a hint of Thunderbirds. How you gonna resist?
Caro Emerald and Brook Benton over-orchestrate their latin lovin’ with “You’re All I Want for Christmas.” It’s cute and consensual.
Blues informs Jimmy Liggins and His Drops of Joy’s list: you want that woman, you know you do. So low, when you don’t even want the turkey for Christmas, Jimmy. He just wants her loving’. “I Want My Baby for Christmas.” Might wanna top off that Scotch, first.
‘Smatter, that too harmonious for you? You want down and dirty blues? Back behind the Dumpster blues? Smokey Hogg knows how you feel. “I Want My Baby for Christmas” is not want he needs–it’s what he wants. Listen to that piano, you’ll feel it too.
The Dramatics switch it up to R+B. But “All I Want for Christmas is My Baby” smacks of begging. Sounding like your thirteen may not get you where you want, fellas.
Seductive like a velvet=wrapped parcel, studio jazz cool-man John Jay Martyn croak-croons “I Just Want My Baby for Christmas.” This is how you get that baby, kids.
Lots of nonstandard songs want to put you in the mood for c-food for the holidays. Hugging’ and a-kissin’ and crazy staring deep into the others’ eyes, yeah baby. That’s a celebrations. Don’t let me slow that down.
Nancy Wilson heats up “That’s What I Want for Christmas” with jazzy syncopation, listen to her hold THAT note–that’s for you, man. (Weird millennial update by Holly Golightly may be skipped.)
David Yang keeps it young with electronic dance hip hop. His “Christmas List” flirts with gimme gimme, then he scales it back, JK baby! It’s you, it’s love, it’s done!
Christmas Treasures don’t mince words: when they ask “What Will You Give Me for Christmas?” they have a short list. Love, of the elevator music variety (despite the Christ part there–i mean the song is asking what Christ wants for Christmas–whoa).
Love is honest, love is kind, love is hip hop… that is, when you rap love you better be sincere. Dogg Pound from Death Row Records is singing it straight in “I Wish.” (The wish, by the way, is for love. God’s love, mom’s love, y’all’s love.)
A lovely little soul number that has been getting terribly retreaded is “My Grown Up Christmas List.” This is about love for Xmas, and we’ll address all those songs that ask for that next up. But this sappy sweet song gets its own note from me, especially by Natalie Cole (and David Foster) ten years ago from videotape (with kanji translation).
Listen at your own peril to Barbara Streisand (torch song), Aretha Franklin (arpeggio exercise), Kelly Clarkson (Broadway showstopper), Clay Aiken (falsetto), Amy Gant (smokey country), or Michael Buble (soft jazz) driving this sentimental journey into a brick wall.
While we’re being sweet, snuggle up for some calm country with MissyG Band and “My Handwritten Letter to Santa.” It wants you to wax nostalgic, but that bass beat keeps asking you to git up and dance to’t. Choose your point of view.
Some kids KNOW what they want. Some keep working and worrying it out. One such stream-of-conscious wonderer is featured in a fine folk bit by Professor Steve. In “A Letter to Santa” we learn no lessons, we reach no conclusions, but we kick back and have a fireplace moment with pencil and pad. Enjoy.
So i gots a case of the sillies and i might as well include Seth McFarlane and company with their Family Guy tribute “Christmas List,” which is mean and joyous and all those gee-dee things the kids find so funny these days.
[If you want an upbeat happyhappyhappy version of this tune, be careful what you wish for— then dial up the My Little Pony version “All I Really Want for Christmas.” All they want is happiness. In their own quirky girly ways.
What’s worse than not getting what’s on your list?!
The Kids get all retro twangy rock with funny accents (is this a new branch of rockabilly i didn’t get the memo on?) with “I Wrote a Letter to Santa.” This needs to get played at your next dance party, cats and kittens, but be advised: if you listen too carefully to the lyrics, YOU WILL CRY.
While in a juvenile mood, let’s jump ahead. The best lists for kiddies are developed along a live-and-learn progression. Hearken to Heywood Banks (he of ‘Diddley Squat’ fame) and his ongoing letters of correction to Mr. The Twenty-fifth. “Dearest Mr. Santa Claus” starts out chock full of self interest and id, but give it a chance: …isn’t that sweet?