Year-round Yuletide oddities
Ellas Otha Bates created a signature ‘hambone’ rhythm that was more than blues and generations wailed on it until rock and roll was born. Bob Diddley today might refer to that five-accent infectious dance syncopation.
As it does when The Tractors go to town with “Bo Diddley Santa Claus.” I see you toe tapping under your desk.
Here’s one of those categories that gives you a peek into my methodoise la démence. I have a couple songs that are dedicated to the great songsters of novelty Christmas music. These are so meta-quirky that i’ve already included some in my previous posts. But as a micro-sub-genre these are not easy to find… ‘Let’s Sing Merry Christmas to Gene Autry!’–as a song? As if! But i’ve tracked down (at great expense to my psyche) nearly a monthful, both stalker-weird and ironic-iconic fan pieces for or about. Also, look for famous folk beside chanteuses and chanteurs to be celebrated celebs in Christmas songs. Finally, fictional characters get seasons greetings, too (I’m looking at you R2D2). They’ll help pad out the month.
And certainly there is some fun to be had with ‘What if Eminem Did Jingle Bells?’ and the like. But i’ll save those pastiches for another month.
[Sorry–i simply must avoid the political spectrum. Governmental Christmas parodies are shockingly short-lived even if momentarily hilarious (thank you, Capitol Steps, but ‘Happy Holidays, Sarah Palin’ is so over).]
Thus, here is a rerun from a year and a half ago: Betty Johnson with “I Want Eddie Fisher for Christmas.”
Fisher wasn’t just the guy that dumped Debbie Reynolds to become Mr. Elizabeth Taylor V. He wasn’t just Princess Leia’s dad. He was a scream-worthy teen idol between Sinatra and Elvis (and landed a couple cool carols in the ’50s). His only big chart hit was “Sunrise, Sunset” in 1960, after which he supposedly became hideously deformed and disappeared from public view.
One more time–Spike Jones and his Orchestra go all out with Linda Strangis and a cool spoken intro for his “I Want Eddie Fisher for Christmas.” It’s awkward and adorable: you know what that means.
Let’s end our month of drugs and Christmas songs on an upper.
James Brown celebrates “Clean for Christmas” in his own inimitable style. Lookee here!
Tim Cavanaugh (remember him from Dr. Demento’s show?) recommends “Let’s Have a Drug-Free Christmas” this year. Shall we? Pinky swear? Okay then. See ya.
Last month, wrapping up a long drunk, we hit rehab. This month, crashing after endless highs, we reach for cold turkey–cutting off all mood enhancers at once.
Blues Buffet plays their “Cold Turkey for Christmas” as a pun on holiday feasting. Blues is blues, baby. We know watchoo mean.
Central Rain also code their personal problems in an alt rock message of messed-up hope: “Cold Turkey on Christmas Day.” Coffee house slam poetry set to a kicking back beat. But will they make it?
Magno Production meld psychedelia with garage in “White Christmas, Cold Turkey,” an actual bad trip in music. No, Virginia, there aren’t snakes coming out of Santa’s brain.
Holy broken homes, Batman, the war on drugs has taken its toll on some families.
Steven Battelle has a pretty little emo plaint about coming to grips with political narcotics-related takeovers following Mrs. Claus on the run from N. Pole nastiness in a clever little video for his song “A Christmas Cartel.” I think the lesson here is deal with it, bitch.
Flashback! It’s still acid on Christmas to music.
Here comes Inca Jones again with “LSD Under My Christmas Tree.” Psychedelia! Melts in your mind, not in your thoughts.
After more than three minutes Melissa Reaves steps up and belts out “A Mayberry on Acid Christmas Song.” This gospel revival shaking and rolling feels more like an acid trip than it discusses one.
The Vestibules give us the skinny on the actual trip in “Christmas on Acid.” This is some Chuck Jones cartoon fun. Oh yeah and just say no.
Is Christmas the hallucination of God? Time to touch the sky and see through the vocals of some singers.
“Christmas on LSD” by Chad Johnson wanders, wonders, and dead ends with lite rock. It’s like he tripped into pillows.
“Christmas On LSD” by Skip Haynes and Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah is an old fashioned folk rock blend and sounds like a VW bus.
“Christmas LSD” by Light Sunny Day plays on Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah.’ And goes BLUE. These guys are professionally sober.
Fat by the Gallon bring it with garage/punk yelling. “Christmas on L.S.D.” is angry, loud, and unrepentant. Go. Go. Get clean.
The Drovers revel is a special present–“Opium for Christmas.” Experimental alternative. I guess. Dig the appropriate zither.
Reds to wake, whites to sleep, others for other moods. What’s your holiday wish?
Let’s tag in Xanax here because Loretta Jenkins’s “Walkin’ is a Xanny Wonderland” is NOT so bad it’s good. It’s bad. Yeah, i get that she means to be off key. Still bad.
Lynn Marie has a larf and a harf with a parody of ‘Nuttin’ for Christmas’ entitled “Christmas Prozac Song.” It’s creepier with an adult woman hoaxing a child’s bratty bit. Though it is a good parody for all that.
Wired and stuttering, Hungry Mans Army jitter through “Christmas on Prozac.” Apt, i reckon. I give it a solid B. (Not the video, though: C-.)
Accordian Joe from the Spud Goodman Show is thanking god for that little green pill in “A Prozac Christmas.”
Running on empty here for heroin. Xmas is depressing enough without singing about riding the beast one-way to the end.
Except the General sings [live at The Dolls House] the gentle metal ballad “Heroin for Christmas Again.” Afterwards you might need to plunge your head in a tub of ice-cold denial, or go volunteer at a soup kitchen for an afternoon.