Stable Genius

Some of us (sometimes) have no use for Santa. DuncanG used to post clever pop parodies in a Christmas bent. But all trace of his stuff is gone now. Reminisce with me for his Adele parody “Someone Like Santa.” Take him, leave him.

Rodd & Judy (in an American Song Poem) wrestle easy listening into the twee tale of children who want nothing from Old Man Christmas except for “Santa Fix My Toys for Christmas.”

Marc Copage and Saxon-Freed follow this thread with “Santa, Please Repair My Toys for Christmas.” This nauseous kidsong rats out Dad as the toybreaker.

Peter Thomas & Joseph interrogate the bleak night sky with the driving folk “Merry Christmas, Santa Claus.” They want Mr. Gifts to bequeath all their gifts to other needier ones. Kids today!

Red State Update distinguishes between S.C and J.C. in the menacingly upbeat “Forget Santa Claus.” Pop music with a message.

Fiction Family pitches a hissy with the bluegrass pop of “I Don’t Need No Santa Claus.” Seems his baby is enough. Bearded guys can wait outside.

Uncle Whiskers

The Brighter Day Gang unspools a psychedelic kidsong about Santa’s origins while worrying how weird it all is in “His Paradise Mountain.” It’s pretty weird.

Dr. BLT heralds “Back Alley Santa” with grunge and echoic chaos. Pretty funky.

J. Maunders slips in some amateurism with “Some Crap About Santa.” It’s hollering and piano abuse, but keep the spirit of it, ‘kay?

Proper Brit-rock (late ’70s style, so punk on the edges) represents a strange turn: “Father Christmas is Dressed in Green.” Nice for a change from Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians Of The British Empire.

Scrutiny can overenlarge something into grotesquerie, so when Bob Blake (The Music Doctor) wonders about Santa’s time off the query “Where’s Santa?” gets weird. Grampa pop.

Everything about Christmas is off “Out at the Mall.” For example, Santa smells like pepperoni. Make Like Monkeys retro rocks the odyssey.

Functional funk from Stevie Nations & the United States complains how “Santa’s Getting Grumpy” working overtime. Chill, brah.

Sooty Suit

And if you met the jolly one in person, what would you think?! The Evaporators respond with the pop “Who Are You?“ WILD!

Idaho slow-rolls the indie with “Santa is Weird.” There’s something about love and light and falling in there.

Bandrew has more questions than answers in the guitar strummin’ indie “Santa is Dead.” No corpses are investigated in this one, so it’s more existential angst.

Speaking of weird, “(You Broke the Face Off a) $10 Santa Claus” by ‘Weird Paul’ Petroskey rocks the unlikely mercantile faux pas. Diggin’ it.

The one who doesn’t make you jolly is “Reverse Santa.” He won’t eat your milk and cookies. He vomits instead. Offbeat lounge polka from Hot buttered Elves.

Was it a dream?! “Santa Was Eating The Christmas Tree” was the disturbing scene for Nicci And The Project’s kidsong. Perhaps it was a Christmas tree shaped cookie? No? Run!

Beardo

IS the whole concept of Santa Claus just too weird? ShiSho covers Sufjan Stevens’s “Get Behind Me, Santa.” Their little girl energy further obfuscates who or what the song is about. Weird with a beard.

Harold Rippey spies “Santa Claus on the Side of the Road.” With halting country pop, he explores how odd this stranded wayfarer is.

“I Got this Neighbor” is the ska song about when MU330 worries about who just moved in nextdoor. The suit, the shoes, the hat, the laugh, the mail…. Hmm.

The cast of the musical Hey Nunnie Nunnie heard about that elf and wondered “Who Is This Santa Claus?” As members of the faith, they give him the benefit of the doubt: the threat of him will keep children quiet.

The Jacobsen Brothers also wonder, but conclude “Santa is Strange.” Folk imponderables for the kids.

Grampa Yule

Worth repeating: “Baby Boomer Santa” is from the Dan Harmon show Community and represents what Millennials think in their kaleidoscopic minds about the olds. OK Donald Glover, Danny Pudi, and Chevy Chase.

Sia Furler has an empty spot at Christmas, and wants not My everyday Santa Claus (which is you, ya deserter, you)–but “My Old Santa Claus” to help her out. Is that a compliment in millennial pop music??

Magritte & Rosen may refer to Old Man Christmas as an obese senior citizen, but in their skippy singalong “Santa Needs Some Help!” they address climate change and Covid-mania among his concerns. Do seniors care about that stuff?!

Patricia Vonne figures rockabilly will make the epithet “Old Man Santa” an endearment. But this this bar-burner accuses the old guy of cruisin’, rockin’, and blazin’.

I suppose tweeting makes Santa look young, but when “Santa’s Twitter Got Hacked” he’s just another old victim.

Valley of Love enter musical land with their episodic “Santa Claus Restauration.” It’s essentially about helping out the elderly.

“Santa’s Gettin’ Too Old for This” bemoans Dr. BLT in his signature folk-rock funk. This reality check is making me sad, so maybe don’t scat so much.

The North Polaroid

Worth repeating: “Santa’s Lost His Mojo” is an indie bit of coolness from Jeremy Lister. That banjo does the trick.

Mayflies adds cowboy guitar to their indie “Santa’s Misery.” Not exactly a sure-footed Christmas man according to this.

“Santa’s Got Covid” is a salsa inspired bit of rap-pop from Reality Student Ministry. Poor old guy.

To ‘Jingle Bells’ Hilary Henshaw worries about that oldster when stricken down. But it’s “Santa’s Hiccups” that perplex (and annoy) with all that noise. Shout along, kids!

B Minor Music also frets “When Santa Got the Hiccups.” More original, and certainly more Australian.

Worse health-wise, “Santa’s Got Diabetes” as depicted in ’80s anthem rock by The North Polio. Impaired! (But completely believable.)

Deer Valley Trio reveal that time “When Santa Claus Got His Ass Kicked by the Reindeers.” This hand-clapping round is sung in good natured folk joshing.

Cold Fat Bastard

Worth repeating: The Hot Rods declare “Santa’s Too Drunk to Drive.” It’s road ragin’ rockabilly that won’t slow.

Cabana Man shaggies the dog with a spoken word jive backed story that ends with “Santa Need a Cab.” It’s in the vernacular.

Applying metal, Halbstarke Jungs barks out “Drunken Santa Is Coming To Town.” (Then, Deutsche!) Watch the skies!

Gary Craig, in the style of Bing Crosby, croons an ode to Barney in The Simpsons pilot: “Drunken Santa’s Coming to Town.” It’s a fun parody.

A bit of the ol’ Dixieland from Beefus in the pathetic “Party with Santa.” ‘Tain’t pretty.

Actual funk from Jerry T. Band describes a “Naughty Santa.” There’s a barside altercation involving the Missus.

Mikey Geiger’s “Drunk Santa” is an electronic exploration with expletives laced in. Like that night you can’t quite remember.

Singing from Drunk Santa announces with pop electronica “My Balls (Are Hangin’ in the Tree).” Embarassing, but short.

Mr. Bowl of Jelly

Worth repeating: Fathead’s “Santa’s Drunk” celebrates as much as it chastises with some Motown blues. Danceable.

Greg & Brian take the POV of some assembly line elf who goes “Drinkin’ with Santa.” Daredevil hi jinx ensue in this honky tonking pop mess.

John Vosel & the Party Crashers also represent the elf contingent with the catch-all complaint “Santa Claus Blues.” It deals with bad gifts, drunkenness, and perversity. But it’s the blues. Whaddya goin’ ta do?

BearRon spins “An Unbelievable Santa Story” through gentle folk spoken word meandering. Yet this dream-like traipsing only begins with a drunken Santa (probably fake). Where it goes is pure enlightenment.

Brock Armstrong parodies Avril Lavigne with “A Complicated Christmas.” It’s a bitchfest against S.C. (Drink, smoke, cry!–wotta mess!)

The Missile Toads rage through punk about what a loser The Expected One has become. “Santa’s a Boozer” is the problem. Oi!

The Great Gift-so

Brandon M.C. points out that with new love it doesn’t matter that “Santa Brought Me Nothing.” A guitar exercise, more than an indie love song.

Any Given Sin seconds the emotion with the country-pop anthem “Nothing for Christmas.” Santa’s just kinda irrelevant here.

The Clarence Williams’ Blue Five ragtime the beejeepers out of “Santa Claus Blues.” No money means no honey, Red.

“Ho! Ho! Oh Nooo!” is insistent punk from The Bad Engrish. This is a BLUE ALERT level of complaint.

Somebody adored small children Emerson & Cassidy enough to cut an album of their lisping and spitting. “Santa Clause Is Not Coming to Town” may be social commentary on the capitalistic corporate scheme, or it may be dumb kids who can’t remember lyrics.

Jonwayne DJs old carols/movies to give us the mashup “No Santa.” BLUE ALERT!

Thomas Mac nightcaps the concept with the honky tonkin’ “Santa Ain’t Coming to Town (He’s Drinking This Year).” We’ll further deal with his substance abuse in a bit.

Herr List

Worth repeating: BearRon(Rob Barron)’s “Nuttin’ (The Dumb Original Christmas Song)” is a thoughtful folk ballad about how a kid will get even for his Xmas betrayal. Love it.

From Flying Bomb Presents Surprise Package – The Collectors’ Edition comes Rocket 455’s “Santa Ain’t Comin’ This Christmas.” Finely aged punk brought to my attention care of Pete th’ Elf.

Rough punk from Lion’s Law has the beef that “He Never Came Around.” You know who.

Richard DSouza translates (barely) “Santa Don’t Come to My Home.” Peter’s got a solution, though–

Swing from Steve Weeks who has a “Grievance with the Man in Red.” Someone’s been counting… how often he was GOOD. But, did it pay off??

Killer dad rock from Luke Nelson, who notes “There Goes Santa Claus.” Not that you can tell from the absence of goodies.

Even harder retro rock from Lee Harris demands “Get Santa Claus on the Line.” The complaint line, that is! Not even underwear, man!