Or perhaps the television set is the big star. Mindy Carson leads us through a big band tinkler where she admits “I Want a Television Christmas.” This 1950 commercial is meant to change your household forever. For the kids. For Christmas.
Love songs for millennials might be lazy, but they set their own standards. Netflix and chilly weather, anyone?
Kieron Liley realizes family fulfillment when they’re all gathered around the “Christmas TV.” Unplugged low-key alt-folk with an attitude.
Prettier pop strumming accompanies the fun flowers of “Xmas TV with You.” It’s a place and a time, but mostly, girl, it’s you.
Hot UK duo Slow Club seem to hope “Christmas TV” will bring them together. The many wistful ways of pop folk love slightly include the holidays and the boob tube.
Chris Isaak nails the loneliness and hopelessness of TV Christmas specials broadcasting in the background of that empty home. “Christmas on TV” is a country weeper with just the right twang.
To paraphrase Voltaire, If television didn’t exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
TV has made us as much as we’ve made it. TV has made Christmas what it is today. So obviously, we need to focus on RankinBass specials and Hallmark magic love movies that play once, twice, twelve times a year. But NO. We here at novelty Christmas music dotcom must ever hunt more elusive game: the sudden original song in the serial experience. No, not awkward caroling by our weekly stars, but actual entries into the canon of never-heard-that-afore celebrations of the holidays. Honestly, an enormity of these will be from cartoons. And i will allow cartoon specials/albums from established characters. (But NO musical variety shows.)
And i’ll start with something else weird: Christmas songs about TVs.
Ancient M.A.N. revisit their childhood with all those specials i promised i’d overlook and how much they taught us the true spirit of Christ. “Christmas Cartoon Song” is maudlin folk with a touch of alt.
52 New Things focuses on the offerings of “Christmas Day TV.” A later generation (slightly before cable, it sounds like) also uses folk (with mad fiddling) enjoys those special family movie selections that preempted soaps.
Modern despair from The Deckchairs who watch “TV Xmas” and drink to forget. Party punk.
The Buddy System gets alt-retro with “Xmas on TV.” More music, less message! Just like TV!
When you don’t know what they want, when you don’t have the time, when you don’t care–
Big bald whiteys Super Secret Project beg you not to get them crappy presents. To Pachelbel’s Canon in D minor SSP go all in with “Cash or a Gift Card.” Not that’s a carol.
Some live it and love it. Kyle’s Xmas is a show sponsored by Colorado Public Radio. This year he brags it’s gonna be a “Gift Card Christmas.” The reason for the season.
Black Jesus is sending you love telling you to “Open up the Gift Card.” BJ54321 means it from the bottom of the envelope.
Reactions to bad presents vary: disappointment, disappointment, rage, disappointment.
Okay, and light regret. Marc Sardou visits the materialistic guilt that might make you a nongiftarian in “What Gifts You See.” I’m not falling for this humanitarianism!
Another Taylor Swift parody (‘Bad Blood’) twisted into”Bad Gift.” Thanks, Bella Godiva.
What you really want to do is “Keep the Receipt (This Christmas).” The Bad Detectives go folk rock classy and make me tap the toe. You should be writing this down….
Certainly those are better than the drawling doddering Bob Blake with attempted country music in “Christmas Gift Returns.” I’d like to exchange this song, please.
Garfunkle and Oates get gnarly with “Present Face.” Knowing them, this is like orgasm face but worse. Sprightly folk.
What’s worse than NO presents for Christmas? Bad presents. Some givers just have a knack.
Of course, the classic here is the comic parody “The Twelve Gifts of Christmas” by Allan Sherman. Surely you’ve heard this one. And all that other stuff.
Annoying Orange you might suppose gives terribly, just as it sings “Christmas is for Giving” terribly. Kidsong crap.
Stars from the Nick channel appear in a holiday special of some comic merit preaching how “Bad Giftin’ Grannies” are what you deserve, you thoughtless punks. Pop hip hop.
Axis of Awesome present the jazz showtune “What a Terrible Gift” like a piano bar downer. What a Great song.
Metal from King Diamond and Holy Grail crow “No Presents for Christmas.” Same song, different lead ins. They’d just set those presents on fire anywho.
The original tear jerking “The Little Boy that Santa Claus Forgot” hails from Phyllis Robins. Light jazz with excessive orchestration. Wait, my face is leaking.
Much More Upbeat, riddim from Nicole David dances out “No Gift.” See, she got busy. Check later.
An amazing Christmas song, rivalling ‘Fairytale in New York,’ comes from The Hive & Cyndi Lauper. What terrible people in “A Christmas Duel.” What dirty secrets. No presents! No! Get away from me.
Recalling Devo, Yulenog hollers “I Want Presents!” only to be told No–again and again. It’s just a matter of waiting for the right time, but –oh okay booboo. Alt-pop.
Kidsong wants to ruin the fun with proper behavior in music. “Don’t Shake the Presents” by Gerry and The Crocodettes warns about spoiler alerts or some such humbuggery. Faw. Pretty good ragtimey rock.
“Little Wrapped Gift” from Rough Shop harmonizes some kid folk about impatience. Nice.
Another gutbuster for me is Toby Turner riffing on the Creed ‘Arms Wide’ song with “Who Opened the Presents.” Damn i like this one. (Some censoring for your viewing comfort.)
Less hilario is Jayden Rodrigues with “Open Presents Time” to Gangnam Style. Yeah.
Cool jazz from Kevin Kammeraad and Friends about “Opening Gifts.” They were in a hurry and (even with scat interlude) got ’em opened in one minute.
The presentation is that moment when you get handed that precious parcel, when you come face to face with that dream in colorful paper/bag… ahhh… HERE WE GO.
A song about specific gifts for specific people should be presented on this blog another day. But “Gift of the Magi” from Squirrel Nut Zippers is all about the presentation/opening. SPOILER ALERT: it’s an O. Henry story. Drowsy bluegrass. So sad.
Murray Webster has a 30 second fanfare of dixieland proportions in “A Christmas Gift is Waiting for You.” You could make it the ringtone of the phone you wrapped, then call it when you want it opened. Or something.
The coolest ta-da present song is the bluegrass breakdown “Your Christmas Gift” by Steve Ivey. I highly recommend you play it from the next room as you ceremoniously approach with the item in question. (Unless your offering can’t live up to this build up.)
What’s a holiday season without regret? Let those blues come out to play!
Jimmy Reed from 1971 adds some funk to the blues and gets mushmouthed for “Christmas Present Blues.” He’s upset about you, baby. Show some ‘preciation, honey.
In the 1920s rap sounded different. The Rev. A.W. Nix represents how “Death May be Your Christmas Present.” I mention it, ‘cuz it’s on quite the original blues collection album.
Screwing with the genre, Wheels Fargo & The Nightengale get Cajun honkytonk swing for their “Christmas Present Blues.” Infidelity!
