Year-round Yuletide oddities
Just a moment for positivity. Fuckin’ A.
Sex Bishops go modulated electronic pop (’70s Steven Hawking) for “It’s Christmas (Let’s Have a Jolly Good Time).” Unabashed programmed jollity.
Crudbump likes life. So “Fuck You If You Don’t Like Christmas” and so many of the other good things. More intolerantly tolerant pop. Holy God, reindeer dogs.
Is it funny because it’s inappropriate, or is it inappropriate because it’s funny?
Eric Idle doesn’t exactly corner the market with the higher number of targets to swear at. But “Fuck Christmas” racks up one of the highest incidences of that sound. Symphonic social commentary. Andy Shernold has a more musical version of this, like it’s a real song.
With a soupcon more wit (and sounding like the Pythons a bit), Kevin Bloody Wilson countrifies an elf screed in “Ho Ho Fucking Ho.” A barn burner of a bit.
You wanted the real dirt?
Certainly Denis Leary should be revisited for his funny study in contrasts “Merry Fucking Christmas.” It’s like something for the kids! In the ’90s!
More angrily, Corey Taylor middle fingers all y’all with his “XM@$.” You’ve been abused with classic rock tinged with country folk, you fool. Dance!
The F-word may have descended from the Dutch for ‘fidget,’ or a Scottish take on a Viking obscenity. It certainly did NOT derive from an acronym (Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge), but they’re so fun we will adapt that practice for our posting titles.
The power of the expression is its complete and utter taboo. It may have existed before the Middle Ages (when, according to my University of Oxford reference, swive was the nasty word for copulation) and was just too abhorrent to commit to print. But this is a new age, and fuck may be used as every part of speech in any context. It is a showstopper, an emphatic, a mood enhancer, a protest, hatespeech, and a rite of pasage. You name it… and Xmas songsters do.
All month we will whittle down the offerings of novelty Christmas music to feature a sensational recording or two (maybe reprising a past post if it bears a second hearing) for each day. So let’s stop talkin’ ’bout it and just do it.
Our first time we’ll take it slow. The bad words don’t really start until this song is largely over. But, please follow this TMI journey of depression and heartbreak as Matthew McPeck bemoans the loss of the one truly fun holiday in order to have a miserable celebration in “Fuck Christmas (I Wish It was Halloween),” an ’80s pop anthem so charming i’ll overlook the grammar.
Well, we just witnessed the end of all things. What’s next…?
Let’s bounce back from our hate.
Lewberger Band brings the season’s greetings to bear with “A Christmas Song for the Haters.” Biting of the tongue and forgiveness for all! It’s the rollicking pop folk Santa would do. (finish with a BLUE ALERT.)
Colleen Ballinger (out of her Miranda character) also forgives trolls with her “Christmas Haters” song. But it’s with mean ukulele condescending reading of comments. Pop snark. And kinda hateful.
Phineas and Ferb’s Dr. Doofensmirtz has previously admitted “I Really Don’t Hate Christmas.” Weee! That’s really something, an intense burning indifference.
Shiv Hurrah gives us gutsy garage with “I Don’t Hate Christmas” as much anymore. Roll the credits!
And then, tragedy. Bad things happens all year round. When associated with 12/25, Christmas stinks.
Such a tale of woe from The Bob and Tom Show, “I Hate Christmas” is the fate worse than death. But funny, y’know. BLUE ALERT
Perhaps this is the end of a particularly abominable year. David Lea descends into madness with his “Happy Christmas” pop celebration. Don’t you go that way. Not you.
Set It Off overreacts to the extreme with “This Christmas (I’ll Burn It to the Ground).” ‘Tis the season to kill them all. Lively melodic punk.
“Death to the World” has been on the blog before. H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society knows how to hate on Christmas. Submit.
Back to the goons of Something Awful. Thaumocrates delivers “Last Christmas”–not as nostalgic Wham! whimsy, but as the ever lovin’ Armageddon. No more Christmasses–that’s all, folks! Experimental psychedelia over ‘Carol of the Bells.’
We need another day to address Ebenezer Scrooge inspired songs. Not musical adaptations, but holiday hotcakes to play at home. (Not EVERY such tip of the topper, only those that feature how much he hates. Esp. w/Christmas mentions.)
Ron Doros homebrews his “Ebenezer’s Song” with fine folk finishings. Haunting.
Chris Hensen enters a songwriting contest with the “Bah Humbug Blues.” A bit sloppy and too much of the whole story, but it’s awfully swinging.
Romeo615 gets n-word BLUE ALERT urban rhymin’ with his take on “Ebenezer Scrooge.” Not sure what the Minnie Pearl hogcallin’ is all about, but i likes it.
Funky R+B from Travis Hobson slaps a “Scrooge Song” with some sass. Bah to the hum to the bug. Yeah, like that.
Metal showtune from Black Adidas “Bah Humbug” sparks the lack of joy.
Mississippi Skinny Dippers bluegrass around the country with “Bah Humbug,” tongue in cheek o’ course.
Just as kidding, Tim O’Brien fiddles and banjos over “Bah Humbug.” Mountain life sucks.
Blues for whites, “Bah Humbug” from Danaher & Cloud jazzes and razzes the trappings from the dining room. When does Mama get a break?
Phil Gathany gets jazzy folk rock with “Ebenezer Scrooge.” Coffehouse weird.
Party metal lite with One Hell of a Christmas, something your gramma might get you out of the discount bins because you like that sort of thing, don’t you dear? Still “Bah, Humbug” is coolly singable.
Parody doowop time! “Scrooge You” from Richlove (& all the Something Awful peeps) makes us dance the hate away.
Keep up the comedy with Spanky Woods channeling his Heywood Banks into “Bah Humbug!” Jazzy hollering for the fun of the season.
I only have a corrupted copy of the A Christmas in Bedrock album, but i was after the “Don’t be a Scrooge” Motown hiphoppery Barney lords over Fred. Wild overorchestration to scare you into generosity.
Love Teresa Brewer summarizing the whole ‘Carol’ with her 1953 kidsong “Ebenezer Scrooge.” Spoilers! (Eddy Howard‘s take, not so fun.)
Bring on the star holiday abhorer, Scrooge. Dozens of iterations of this iconic humbugger include many apt songs.
1992 featured Anthony Newly frolicking through “I Hate Christmas.” He actually hates all people who celebrate it. Small, significant difference, as that is the actual title of the song.
Keith Ferguson and Bruce Greer lean more heavily on the Dickens text with “Scrooge’s Song” in the 2015 church and high school friendly ‘A Christmas Carol: A New Musical.’ The ‘cast’ Scrooge here makes less hate and more economic disapproval with his singsongy operatic LesMiz prattle.
The Alan Mencken 1993 ‘A Christmas Carol: The Musical’ roils about with the operatic Walter Charles bickering with the hands out in “Nothing to Do With Me.” (Don’t find the Kelsey Grammer 2004 Hallmark adaptation.)
Out of the Ark has their own ‘Bah Humbug!–A Dickens of a Christmas Carol’ with such 2018 assembly-ready kids chorus numbers as “Bah Humbug“–don’t sing hamburger again, Randy, I’m warning you!
Time for kidstuff! Must recap 1962’s ‘Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol’ with the heinous hee-hee of Jim Backus chortling “Ringle Rangle” an ode to coin.
“The Stingiest Man in Town” is the title song from a 1956 TV musical snuck into animation by Rankin Bass in 1978. Here Tom Bosley (a bug) sings about how mean Scrooge (Walter Matthau) is, not necessarily as relates to Xmas. “Humbug” is the better angerpalooza with Dennis Day (Nephew Fred) and Matthau himself. Hatin’ on the St. Nicholas. This is a hoot.
The most fun of the hate is the 1992 ‘The Muppet Christmas Carol’ with the cast toasting the miserly, stingy, awful “Scrooge.” Michael Caine towering over the little felt guys is so menacing.
Famous Christmas haters? Let’s start slow.
“Winona Ryder Hates Christmas” needs a revisit from us here. Thanks again Fake Shark Real Zombie. You the best.
“I Hate Christmas Eve” is a half-baked attempt to make a musical out of the ‘Grinch’ story. The whole troupe gets involved here, which is too bad. I had hoped for a bombastic belt-down from the big Kahuna bringing down the house, not a sympathetic kumbaya.
Some of this anti-Christmas sentiment features Backwards Jesus, otherwise revered as Satan, who intends to kill (and eat) the newborn Savior–for the holiday.
Medeia’s “Antichristmas” scourges happiness with their patented metal. Pass the baby blood. BLUE ALERT
Ice Nine Kills (also BLUE ALERT) continues the sentiment, pasting pop over metal with “Merry Axe-Mas.” Jinkeys, that’s up the butt.
CeDigest also juxtaposes melodic with menacing in “Antichristmas.” Probably BLUE ALERT, for all i can tell. Blasphemy, anyway.
Icon Park stays unmusically electronic with their “Antichristmas.” Mumbling about the luminous wintry scene hides the evil. Oh. No.