WHAT ELSE? Can We Has Festivus

Protests against the Christmas combine have rallied and failed many times. Apparently the Frank Costanza bit in Seinfeld predates to the O’Keefe household, one of the writers from that show. I’ll leave it to you to research what’s the deal with this Dec. 23 hoo-hah, as i prefer to learn about life through song.

The story comes to us by way of Joel Kopischke with “The Festivus Bunch.” One man with a uke and some research catches us all up. Ain’t loinin’ fun?

Ben Kling attempts to catch you up with the sitcom mythos in his pretend Seinfeld: The Musical. (The woes of overpopulation, too much about nothing.) “Festivus” features bad impersonations, jazzy rap caroling, and a little humor. Enjoy.

Bob “Rogro” Grow is less successful with his adorable folk lovefest “The Festivus Song.” Some of the pissy annoyance is captured, but it’s a bit light-hearted to represent Angry America.

Also introductory by way of lounge jazz, Brett Houston cools out “A Festivus Holiday Jam” by comparing major celebrations one at a time.

Brian McCarthy gets weird with some horror movie soundtrack inspired moaner “It’s Festivus.” Appropriate. But i think melacholier than thou.

WHAT ELSE? Sick in a Box

Boxing Day can be confusing, just another random day trying to find its significance.

Ian Evans reminds me of Zappa with his experimental guitar wanderings and portentous verbiage. Try “Boxing Day” and say the first thing that pops into your head.

Gonna give Olav Risan the benefit of the doubt, his punnage of “Boxing Day” sets twangy deep country music to the task of overlapping domestic abuse with the holidays. True meaning targeted, but it’s a slight miss.

Malaprop gives us garage madness with their “Boxing Day.” Pissy worry and headaches for all.

WHAT ELSE? Boxes Up!

Is this not a holiday? Shall we not get our party pants on? Woo!

Since the tradition of Boxing Day is noblesse oblige Robb Johnson gets 99% appropriate with the mad folk “Boxing Day.” Eat the rich (treat you were given in your box)!

Matt Farley is finally back in guise as The Motern Media Holiday Singers. “The Boxing Day Anthem” is his usual crazed word jazz set to some kind of rhythm. Thank you.

Calendar days with names attract strange rituals. Along Europe, but mostly northern England, the day after Xmas heralds the Boxing Day swim which leads us to the bouncy folk of “The Boxing Day Swim Song” by Steve Love. No thank you.

England also touts a big markdown sale after 12/25. Renaud Buffoni gets high culture orchestral with “The Boxing Day Song.” But it’s all about crass cash.

Crazy Canucks The Holiday Hipsters rage the pop with “Carol of the Boxing Day.” On your feet!

WHAT ELSE? A New Box, Perhaps

Boxing Day is like turning a corner. New hope for everyone!

Merry Christmas/Christmas is over! hollers Xmas Movie Soundtrack in their “Boxing Day.” Insistent pop offers a hand into the next day. Remember me?

Poprant leans hard on the classic rock beat to alt the torture of tomorrow with “Boxing Day.” Something… anything.

Folk rock accompanies “Boxing Day Drive” opn the way to deliver the late gifties. Mick Thomas’ Roving Commission delivers on the genre that comes after the blues.

Matthew West sneaks in some Jesus with “Day After Christmas,” country pop with the retort that Christianity never takes a day off. Keep on Christmassing!

Maybe he’ll see you after Xmas next year? Sam DeMartino’s “Boxing Day” is a pretty folk pop song with his pretty voice with some pretty messed up stalker vibe.

WHAT ELSE? How’dyew Like Them Boxes

Boxing Day can be the scramble for hope, the angry search for what we lost. Breakup songs!

Courtney Barnett dances out the folky pop of the end of her rope. See she feels like a Christmas Tree on “Boxing Day.” Metaphorical with a cool beat.

Sondre Lerche fast pops the awkward confrontation in “Boxing Day.” Don’t be such a whore! La lala lalala la.

Blink 182 sways into fun poprock with “Boxing Day.” Does he accept her departure? Will there be throwing of things? Or is he ending it all?

WHAT ELSE? Post Boxing Blues

Kwanzaa isn’t the only holiday to pick up the after-Christmas slack. Boxing Day may have arisen in the UK centuries ago to remind the landed that tradesmen need a little sumpin’ as well. A box of goodies (or cash) should be left for those who come round the back door the first workday after Twelve/Twenty-five.

Boxing day represents a wide range of sentiments, therefore, including sadness.

Wading through the crap Dave Kleiner gets juke joint with the bluesy “Boxing Day.” Stuff he doesn’t want includes relatives, gifts, attitude.

Lonely Deer gets jingly and chimey with a lugubrious carol: “Save Your Tears for Boxing Day.” I dare you not to cry.

Regret from The Gasoline Brothers with “Hungover Boxing Day.” Careful, the soft bluesy rock is interrupted with sharp noises. Just for fun.

Jaxon Allred skips to the loo with a peppy bummer. All he loves about Xmas is gone on “Boxing Day.” Poor guy needs a studio adjustment.

The Withers contort The Beatles’ ‘Yesterday’ to “Boxing Day” with their hollow-voices warbling disappointment. Nearly funny.

Just as wacky, the Heebee-jeebees give us a doo wop “Boxing Day Blues” about the fat man in the red suit. Scat attack!

Relient K beats the guitar slowly for his “Boxing Day,” a folky pop reflection on what’s over. Gift over, man!

WHAT ELSE? Is It Racist?

Can we make fun of ethnic differences from a comfortable chair and NOT be mean-spirited? Is it fair to mock all but those we bear a burden of guilt from? What?

All i know is, please approach these wacky novelty holiday songs with care.

We’ve already considered “The Kwanzaa Song” from Futurama. Antic!

D.L. Hughley hires a white jewish guy to write the epitome of the Kwanzaa carol.Jeff Marx’s “White Kwanzaa” is a showtune of uncertainty, backpedaling, and a shared wink.

Gone in a wink is Sizone’s tecnho-garbledygoo “Kwanzaa is Here.” The message is medium warm.

Sam & Bill’s live “Kwanzaa Song” is the usual floundering of white guys with an uncomfortable topic. Attention deficit theater folk.

Barnes & Barnes apply more white sentiment onto “Kwanzaa’s Here Again.” This trembling hawaiian folk is awkward and light-hearted, not in that order.

WHAT ELSE? Yes We Kwanzaa

People of color outside the lines broaden our culture beyond the confines of the just fine. Let’s explore where happenin’ ‘other’ holiday music may lead.

Kidsong is elevated by Ama Chandra whose “Harambee” is a soft jazz hug of a song emphasizing but one of Kwanzaa’s exceptional principles.

Gorgeous gospel from Sweet Honey in the Rock blends seven powerful female voices into one harmony: “Seven Principles.” This is the best way to learn the foreign terms so you’ll know what you’re talking about. (Shivers!)

Bop Alloy (feat. Substantial & Marcus D) jazzily Motown raps “A Celebration.” The holiday by way of hard life.

Djoser Pharoah (aka William Scott) soul soars over folk rock with “The Kwanzaa Song.” No, i can dance to it. Come over and watch me.

Teddy Pendergrass’s “Happy Kwanzaa” is full on R+B love. This time we start with the music.

WHAT ELSE? Chaka Kwan

There are enough black in the USA that it’s not all straight-up straight laced. Black culture includes Republicans, thugs, choirboys, and brain surgeons. So. Are there outlier Kwanzaa songs? How weird does it get?

Kev Choice tries cacaphonous rap with his “Kwanzaa Song.” Sounds like anyone who could pick up an instrument did. But it’s upfront.

Deuce the Emcee samples out trad R+B Xmas music to back his mad rap “Harambee It’s Kwanzaa.” Seizure inducing.

Pop tribal from Steve Cobb & Chavunduka, “It’s Kwanzaa Time” starts out sweetly, then comes the frogmouth (is that s’pose pass for Louis Armstrong?), then the motor-rap (Bobby McFerrin?). Cartoon values for the season. Drum solo for an anticlimactic finish.

Georgia Anne Muldrow gets experimental pop with layered vocals and bells, bells, bells in “The Kwanzaa Song.” (I wish creative oddness extended into title making.)

Experimental reggae from Luqmann Ruth, “Kwanzaa Song” is inspirational, recreational, and crazy weird.

WHAT ELSE? No Kwan do

Not every holiday gets the respect it craves.

Roger Emerson’s “Kwanzaa Celebration” from the school assembly program December in Our Town: A Multicultural Celebration of the Season is for all kids, but it sounds like all-white kids. Brrr.

Dana Manno’s “Oh Happy Kwanzaa” should read as a fun kidsong. But it struts its high-pitched sass with snooty teacher condescension. No like.

We’ll bask in the funny Kwanzaa songs a little later. Some of the ironic approaches miss the mark so widely they need their own requiems. So brace yourself for Jeffrey and Luke Robles and their basement tape “The Kwanzaa Song.” Yes, it starts with an apology. Not enough.