As Mrs. Claus evolves, she’s hashtagged neglected because the Saint of the house is gone for 24 hours one day of the year. (Wait, given the rotation of the earth, and the length of the solticial night… is he gone 30 hours… 36?)
Cornball country from Skip Ewing asks the patient matron not to cry with his dismissive “Mrs. Santa Claus.” Later is good enuf, y’know. [Jim Jensen makes this one more middle of the road. Adding insult to injury.] [The Oak Ridge Boys make this some big ho ho joke. Beer better be open by the time you bring it!]
Singing the blues with funky raw blues, The Eerie county Monster Hunters do not sugarcoat “Mrs. Claus’s Blues.” She’ll be alone this Christmas, tho i picture her smokin’ and drinkin’ and cheatin’ at solitaire while doin’ so.
Short Term Memory lays out the whole sordid abandonment issue with “Mrs. Claus Has the Blues for Christmas.” Sultry jazzy blues. Stranded woman ahead!
Most of us know Mrs. Santa Claus from her list o’ chores. Certainly when Nat King Cole sang “Mrs. Santa Claus” back in 1953, the definition of the homemaker was the housework done.
We should know better over the decades, but just about the time of the Millennium Hal Willis also presents the mindless domesticity of “Mrs. Santa Claus,” a pop country salute to the jolly house-slave.
Overlong and undertalented, Bob ‘The Music Doctor’ Blake’s “Mrs. Santa Claus” offers the least appreciation for all she does.
Talented but old, The Olympics meld an unfortunate elctro-beat into their soul touting how “Without Mrs. Santa Claus” the shopping might not get done.
Let’s leave it at the twinkly punk cover of NKC’s “Mrs. Santa Claus” from A Proper Kiss. The sassy dirge-like pronouncement of the lyrics adds the irony i was looking for. Thank you.
Being the wife of the big guy is NOT a thankless job after all. Let’s sing our cheers to the deserving doyenne of polar domesticity.
Swinging kids add a churchy urgency to R+B in “Let’s Hear It for Mrs. Claus.” Beauregard Youth Choir seems to color inside the lines, however, and i’m not hearing sincerity only harmony–great harmony.
Sherry Hursey kicks off the chant in “Thank You, Mrs. Santa Claus.” The best she seems to do in this kidsong, however, is support the Mr.
Acknowledging the underappreciated qualities Jessie Farrell swings some country for her “Mrs. Claus.” When this chanteuse asks ‘give her a round of applause’ she sells it, kids.
Let’s have a hand for “Mrs. Santa Claus” girl group The Quinto Sisters. These pixies made the TV variety circuit in the sixties and might still be ca-rooning through the Catskills today. Jumpy, catchy, pop rock hyper. [Alma Cogan debuted this number–1954–with gushy perk.]
Richard Knechtel’s “Thank You Mrs. Claus” is unassuming praise couched in jazzy folk fun. Matter-of-fact suits her wonderfulness.
Not enough songs portray the happy ever after Mr. and Mrs. Claus share.
The classic here is the country old school twanger from George Jones and Tammy Wynette (we’ve played it before) “Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.” Here the old couple is held up as a gold standard for happy marriage. (No actual Santa wives are harmed in this song.) [Robin Vosbury & Linnea Fayard Allen add a powerful new guitar riff to this anthem.] [Shaun Loughrey & Carrie Benn make it more backbeaten rock’n’roll.]
Three Day Threshold (feat. Lyle Brewer) drop us a love letter “To Mrs. Claus from Santa.” Hard blue grass breakdown, but sweet as honey.
Bee bop rock delight from Guy Sherman details the why wherefore and how of that woman in “She’s Mrs. Claus.” The possible names are rostered as well. (Layla?) True love.
Diggin’ the shoobop soft rock of Del Zorros with “Mrs. Santa Claus.” Sounds like a party when the lights go off. Romantically so, don’t worry.
Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus is such a mighty institution that we hardly give a thought to when he was single before.
But it’s a big world, someone has gotta pen that number.
Everybody knows “Santa Needs a Mrs. Claus” honky tonks Marjorie Michelle Rose with some suggestive wahwahs and train whistles. He’s just a man.
The Di Mara Sisters give us a behind the scenes in their paisano pop “Santa’s Italian Wife.” It’s cheesy in the tastiest way.
Soca from Brindley Benjamin travelogues the Caribbean with “Santa Looking for a Wife.” And maybe you too should shop Trinidad for your next significant other.
Mrs. Claus was always presumed to be: as far back as the 1850s St. Nicholas was like the US President and bachelorhood was not fitting nor proper. Reverse engineering supplied her with duties (feed the elves, compile the list, brush down the reindeer) and a personality–which varied with the decades. Doting, persnickety, peevish, demanding, sexy suited the contemporary matriarch of the time.
Did she have a name?! By the mid-XX Century funny storytellers were willing to brand her with some moniker. I mean, come on, agreeing to a name would show the dame respect, like with Kris. (Saints Row IV from Volition mentions Mary–yikes! is JC their kid?!) (I guess Peanuts cartoons also use Mary, but then Samantha.) (Movies make use of the names Anya, Margaret, and Carol–ha! good one.)
Rankin and Bass ‘animagic’ TV specials from the ’60s call her Jessica. We’ve tried the “Wedding Day” song (S.D. Kluger) from their 1970 Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. But check out her I’m-falling-in-love moment of pop song psychedelia “My World is Beginning Today,” sung by Robie Lester.
Welcome to the Millennium. In 2006 Bobby Henderson wrote a book satirizing religion (and perhaps science) as being a bunch of post hoc ergo propter hoc. In The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster our new theory that a pasta based entity created all allows that disproving is harder than proving (see ‘Russell’s teapot‘). This oddness became the new freak flag for hipsters to wave, since they liked the beer-drinking, pirate-talking, colander-wearing nonsense it promoted. Have you been touched by His noodly appendage?
Patrick Rebun and friends (The Oufs) gives us our best introduction “Flying Spaghetti Monster” with appropriate grunge.
This belief-system is wide ranging (shoutouts on South Park, Futurama, and a CNN segment), so it has many holidays–not just a 12/25 translation. (Which would be “Noodlemas.”)
But gospel inventions include “Amazing Taste” by the Pastafarian Gospel Choir invading the Arkansas Society of Freethinkers. Can i get a Ramen! [Herein is the reason for the religion: to insert itself among the established rites that waste the time of our culture–heck, i ‘member doing that with other younguns who touted Oy Danky Goo as belief in everything and nothing.] Also comes the so-called Spaghetti Monster hisself with a “Pastafarianism Hymn.” Devotion of the ocean!
Time for the ‘caroldies’: “O Noodly Night” from Dogeyed Welders is pretty and charitable. Funny.
Back to our regularly scheduled savior: Epiphany is a Christian feast day that celebrates the revelation of God incarnate as Jesus Christ, celebrated sometime after the New Year.
Christmas is that birthday moment, but the three wise men showed up later. And after that John the Baptist did his thing. So, the holy deal is a moment somewhere further along the calendar.
Let’s have a song!
Melissa McCrory gives it her all with the wandering gospel of “Epiphany Song.” It’s the thought that counts.
Martin Little’s amateur hymn “Epiphany Song” is just as off key. But sincere. That’s what matters.
Let’s call in the troops. The Epiphany of Our Lord Centenial Liturgy get down and Gregorian with their “Epiphany Song.” Now i get it.
Raising up to the rafters, Raymond Egan leads the congregation with his “Epiphany Hymn.” Soaring.
Plenty of Christmas albums tout ‘secular’ songs about snow, sled rides, family, and a certain carmine-clad gentleman. But a few songs go the extra mile to hale the day and scoff the deity. At least one day of celebrational tunes should embrace all that is not Christmas around this time of year. It’s a bit like NOT thinking about elephants, ergo difficult to be different than. But a coupla songs define that mathematical set.
Dave Jay taunts the separation of church and state with “A Very Merry Federal Secular Holiday.” This rocks, but it’s really about Christmas Christmas Christmas. Shame on you for considering it otherwise.
YNW Melly comes from another direction with “No Holidays.” This reggae funk rap allows that some of us are way too down to get Gee Dee Merry (Yeah, BLUE ALERT).
Privilege allows Singalong Songs to offer a PC non-offensive carol for kids. ‘It doesn’t matter’ should not be a refrain for happy day, but their “Christmas Holiday Song” is a great party dance number. (They do avoid the term Christmas in the song, don’t know why it’s in the title.)
I lovelovelove Dan Bull’s lovefest folk-rap “Secular Song in Celebration of the 25th of December.” He goes to some length to list for you everything that should be noted for 12/15 that’s not Christ. Get a pen.
The easy way out is to mock carols with word-substitutions. Whatever. The BBC radio series And Now in Colour had a culture-bound bit about “Christmas Carols for Atheists.” Anglophiles rejoice.
Howard Billington reinterps testament from the non-believers’ POV with the fun and catchy pop “Atheist Christmas Song (The Meaning of Christmas).”
Tom Tighe gets more folk serious playing Jesus just a man in “I am Not a Wandering Angel (An Atheist Christmas Carol).” Yikes, it’s not about God after all.
Necessary repeat: “Santa is an Atheist” is finger-popping jazz fun from Casey McKinnon. Weee!
“An Atheist’s Christmas” which gets play because of Taiwanese animation is a mixed bag of the broken toys who don’t have God in their lives. Dreadful clubpop rap thanks to Tomo News.
Vienna Teng’s gorgeous symphonic number “The Atheist’s Christmas Carol” is so holy mystical i could hear a church choir render this to uplift all souls. It’s not contrary, only using human as the measure of miracles.
I’m not in the habit of posting songs in Austrian, but “I’m an Atheist (A Christmas Song)” is a clever coming-out pop number dressed up in an admission to atheism. Strange days.
Second City has a “Carol for the Rest of Us” about how atheists fake it to get along. Wotta production.
Much more focused, “A Christmas Song for the Doubtful” from Anna Robinson admits ‘notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat,’ but nails the back-and-forth with strong folk.
Freedom Kerl gets the anti-spirit in his DIY rock song “An Atheist Christmas Song.” Let’s focus on the gifts!
Dan Margarita (cheers to that name) straddles folk with “An Atheist Christmas Song.” He allows for the jolly holiday, but whines about his minorityism. Punchy rapping fun.
Follow Robert Crenshaw’s mystical folk ’70s rock journey to his “Atheist Christmas.” He wasn’t born yesterday (in a manger), he’s working this one out for pure bliss.
Although we have already included way too many songs for Black Friday (see 11/27/2015 post), i do recognize that riotous parade of stomp-yer-gramma as an actual holiday, separate but equal to Xmas. Let us then betake the shadowy rebellion ‘gainst that movement: Buy Nothing Day. From a goody-twoshoes blip out of Canada many years ago, this protest has grown to many (1st world, northernmost) nations. My favourite factoid was how no commercial television enterprise (save CNN) would allow advertisements for this lack-of-movement back in ’00.
Providing the global clout, French club music from Arseniq33 barks out your basic “Buy Nothing Song” for all your rage needs.
Nine Black Alps ups the garage quotient with value-added metal in their “Buy Nothing.” Caution: brands are named.
Chumbawamba merrily pokes at affluenza with their folky “Buy Nothing Day.” Four out of five anthems wish they had this much wit.
“Buy Nothing Day” from The Go! Team (feat. Bethany from Best Coast and The Girls At Dawn) is the usual upbeat yet scratchy Brit pop what sounds like it wuz done onna cheap. But it’s all for a good cause: anti-capitalism. (Which’s not an actual thing.)
