Not too much Morse code or telegram songs for Christmas.
From a couple years ago, a cartoon special that was never made became a stage play, ‘A Tigglemeister’s Christmas.’ To wit: Santa’s best toymaker, Sniggle Tigglemeister, left the North Pole long ago, though no one seems to know why. With Christmas fast approaching, Santa’s toy supply is coming up short, so he sends a telegram to Sniggle begging him to return. But someone at the North Pole doesn’t want Sniggle back. As the entire quirky Tigglemeister clan makes its way north, head toymaker Hans Grumpleheimer will stop at nothing to lead them astray. Here’s the “One Loathsome Telegram,” the crux to the plot!
Wireless is magic! Like Santa! Radio connections are made well before 1900, so maybe the songs here might sound a wee bit old fashioned.
Pop music sounds way been-there done-that to me. Olivia Newton John loves “Christmas on the Radio.” She’ll even throw in a doowop or two. But it’s modulated mainstream.
Finding Favour instills more funky soul (and God) into the bluegrassy folk of their “Christmas on the Radio.” It’s third degree nostalgia.
Blasting into the Nineteenth Century the latest whadjamajiggit will allow us to communicate Christmas better.
Why the ‘phone might even replace the postals for catalog ordering! “555-Ho! Ho!” from Hal Willis is the country comedy that gets some to knee slapping. It’s sad, it’s funny, it’s uplifting, AND it’s pretty stupid, too.
Many moons later the idea of a telephone connection is taken pretty much for present. When separated “Christmas on the Telephone” may be the only exchange possible. Thus, saggy smeary pop tunes like Brian Gari’s.
And if you won’t even call… “Christmas by the Phone,” a rock driving country womper of heartbreak from Good Charlotte.
Somewheres over a century ago was recorded “I’ll Telephone to Santa Claus” as sung by Stanley Kirkby on Edison Blue Amberol cylinder 23315, 1914. Get a quiet corner to hearken, children, to the tinny timpani of antique jazz band.
We may have touched upon Christmas cards last time, but it was the authoring of such. Now let’s deal with Gutenberg’s great grandchildren.
I Greyhound (and others) get together and relive the ’90s with their growly blues rap “Christmas Catalogue Blues.” There was a time when the mailbox at the curb was full of junk, not just your emailbox. This is good stuff.
Captain Sensible, co-founder of UK punk band The Damned, stretched out solo style to hit with a cover of the ’40s tune ‘Happy Talk,’ followed a couple years later with “One Christmas Catalogue.” (Only No. 79 on the Brit charts.) This actually, very gently, criticizes consumerism with sprightly pop music. A Something Awful contributor Adnachiel parodied this at s-l-o-w speed.
As mammoth a cultural pillar as Christmas be, all our advancing technology serves it from the printing press to AI. No, i’m not going to include Alexa singing (yawn). But i will fill your month with novelty tunes that reference the overtaking crawl of advancement and progress machine-wise to our happy times from past to present (there is NO future).
Writing has been with us longer than Christ, so i’ve already offered some cards and letters in Christmas songs before now.
Brentwood Kids Company spell it out with “Love Letters of Christmas.” Whoa, not the steamy ones from a long distance relationship. Though X does figure in.
For the adult stuff, let’s tune in R. Kelly’s “Love Letter.” Brought to you by the letters R+B.
Keith Whitley’s “Christmas Letter” is a last testament by a dying old man. It’ll stand up in a court of law. And jerk some country tears.
Let’s work in more wit: Jerry Becker has a clever English lit showtune “The Man Who Writes the Cards” about the penman behind the Christmas greetings for you (and, well, you–i don’t buy those; prefer to make my own).
Christmas party season ends at some point. Now what?
For a fun addition, Jethro Tull weaves a newage rock tale about the “Last Man at the Party.” It’s a rollickin’ frolic about the wind down after all’s done.
For my money, the best holiday song is “New Year’s Steve” from Fortress of Attitude. Yeah, it’s not Christmas. But it’s on their Christmas album, and Steve’s party is rock awesome. My hero!
Not every Xmas fling is worthy of song. Some are best forgotten. Or listened to, then pretended to not really be a thing.
Dr. BLT (feat Roxie) complains “You Crashed My Christmas Party” with such bluesy American rock verve that the ‘bitter pill’ seems yummy from way over here.
The Walkmen pooh pooh the festivities of “Christmas Party” with Rolling Stones wah wah. They can’t stand it. ‘Cuz it’s over.
The Monkees can barely survive their pop/rock “Christmas Party.” One listen to it a year is enough.
Joy Riding is all ‘partied out’ in their “Christmas Hair.” Alt-pop that claims no more drinking, just wanna see your hair.
Unable to remember the party at all, Hunky Graham posts his amateur fun uke rocker “The Christmas Party Song.” No regrets, until he recalls it.
“Holiday Party (Cocaine Tonight)” from “Co-Op: Original Cast Recording,” peformed by Renée Elise Goldsberry and Alex Brightman is that drug trip nightmare in the middle of a party that… i think you now what i’m talking about. Whew.
La Pistolas get silly retro rock for a Monster Mash inspired “Creepy Christmas Party.” Eek, your secret Santa got you a coffin!
One of the consequences of office Christmas party ribaldry is the casual hookup and subsequent shame spiral that can cripple a corporation. It’s the reason for the season, or at least a good way to win money betting on the office Xmas scorecard. (Gillian undressed in the copy room before 5 PM! 50$ for me!)
Johnny Fritz ushers in the ‘what-the-heck’ with “The Office Christmas Party.” Easy listening light rock just shows to go how naive is this guy. Romance isn’t that easy, bra.
Mickey John bull has a sing along darkly pop number in “The Office Christmas Party.” Get HR on the horn, pronto. We need more sensitivity training.
The predatory approach from Samantha Fields makes the easy listening pop of “The Office Christmas Party” sinister, like a 1930s man-hungry cartoon character.
Nastiness without the obscenity, “X-Rated Christmas Office Party” from Lil Poverty Angels is electronica rap that reads as more wish list than rap sheet.
The aftermath of messed up assignations may result in “Office Party Blues” an electric piano rocker of petty proportions from the Jacobsen Brothers.
A broken heart mars We Grow Up’s “Office Christmas Party,” in which alt crash-and-burn begins at the company revels. How ironic.
Now that we’re depressed, let’s dive into the dumps with the scratchy folk of Fugitives and “Christmas at the Office Party.” Ah, nihilism for Christmas. BLUE ALERT
Rudy Casoni brings the Sinatra-style mash with the progressively crazier “Office Christmas Party.” Yikes. Lounge BLUE ALERT
The call to arms at the office Christmas party is alcohol. Get as sozzled as possible so you can get all resentments off your chest and no harm done. Right?
Brent Burns slurs through his confessional “I Got Drunk at the Office Christmas Party,” a hoedown of oompah hilarity that offers no moral lesson at all. You’re welcome.
“Christmas Party Song” from Bob Rivers is the office party drunk that went all sorts of the wrong way. But the ornate orchestration and strong vocals (Karen Carpenter tribute?) make it fly.
Beatnik Turtle’s Song of the Day offers “Company Christmas Party,” a rock pop-up (with bongos!) which merely suggests drinking as the reason for all the celebratorily outrageous behavior. It’s all in order. Count it off.
John Vosel & the Party Crashers let you know the hangover dangers before they begin their electronic blues wiler “Office Party.” Wild.
Roberto Cassani rolls his Rs for an Irish sendoff “At the Office Christmas Party.” It’s syncopated folk (isn’t that rap?) about alcohol-fueled shenanigans.
Bluegrassy ragtimey warbling really sells the “Office Party” drunkenness. Shorty Garrett sends you home with a cautionary tale. (About how you can win the girl with an extra cup of wine.)
Ahh, the office Christmas party… a fine tradition since –1945?? Certainly offices have been our lot since before Scrooge and Cratchit. And parties are a staple of the Roaring ’20s. But the idea of stiff, formal relationships unbuttoned for an evening revealing the inner reveler–that comes down hard for the returning WWII vets, the sudden money Mad Men.
What do we have to look forward to at such a spree?
Some songs carefully document the beginning, middle, and urrgh! Like Ray Stevens’s “Annual Office Christmas Party.” Our humorist counts out the hours: from hopeful (easy listening) to crazy (jazzy conga). Kick line!
Canned Hamm & Friends (Neil Hamburger) introduces the usual suspects at a carnival rouser, “Office Christmas Party.” It’s a comedy song and wants you to know it.
Lauren Robb’s “Office Christmas Party Song” partakes of parody (‘Santa Baby’) detailing the horrifying hookups, inappropriate jokes, overdrinking, and exhibitionism. Cutesy.
More upbeat parody from Goddammit Jeremiah wherein the “Office Christmas Party” sounds lovely, just lovely. Pop con gusto.
The complaint of the salary man finds salve “At the Office Christmas Party” by Supposably. Kicking alt rock swing and sway. He got it out of his system ’til next year.
After an impressive bass intro, Roseate makes social commentary about her “Office Christmas Party.” But it seems to be with love. Or it’s the alt-jazz bounciness that defuses. I’d go.
Let’s go back to 1949 with Yogi Yorgesson’s “Christmas Party.” This Swedish big band burner is sexist and dismissive of overdrinking, but that’s the fun of comedy!
