Mall World: enthusiast

Just like some kids love the trip to the mall to see Santa, some mall Santas love to answer the calling of living the dream.

Mickey Rooney attempts to capture the early years in the Bass Rankin TV special groaner ‘Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town.’ All the tropes get discovered including what will come true “If You Sit on My Lap Today.” It’s so deadly serious a showtune, the young tune out of the show.

The Heebee-Jeebees admit to being a regular guy who just can’t wait to be stood in line for as a “Shopping Mall Santa Claus.” Country stomper humor.

Mall World: okay

After a time or two, kids are resigned to see the department store Santa. It’s just a job, after all.

Joshua Creek details the critical three-year-old’s concern about “Santa’s at the Mall.” This folk-grass strummer weighs down the youngsters with mythos angst.

Whit Hill and Latini steel guitar the rock blues in “Going with My Cousin to See Santa at the Mall.” Their lassitude is exceeded only by their drawl.

Mall World: hope

The super-supenseful stomach-jumping season of Xmas can be seen on the faces of the children daring to wonder and want. That line leading up to the mall Santa is dense with dreams.

See if you can listen to JP Hoe’s earnest emo “Shopping Mall Santa.” I highly recommend this cazh-pop romp as he delves deeper and deeper into daring desire.

Cardoors tootle out some old world folk warning of childish list-making. “I’m Gonna Sit on Santa’s Lap” is declarative but off-putting.

Eddy Arnold adds some disaffected country twang to usher the boys and girls for “Sittin’ on Santa Claus’s Lap.” It’s Lawrence Welk-worthy oompah. But with the best intentions.

Mall World: first look

Perhaps not everyone knows about this stranger it’s okay to talk to and take candy from. But December is full of exceptions to the rule.

Gluon Love tutors the tots with their how-to “Santa’s Lap,” an introduction with happy garage fun. Heartwarming!

Jacobsen Brothers dramatize the intro of a wee one to the huge hirsute one with disastrous results. Pop techno glee is “Santa? Who’s That?“

Mall World: sidewalk

The Mall Santa is way over a hundred years old, despite the ‘A Christmas Story’/The Simpsons pilot/Billy Bob smearing you’ve recently seen. Check out 1947’s ‘A Miracle on 34th Street’ for heaven’s sake. But whether it was Colonel Jim or someone else, keep in mind the dressed-up fakir you sat on to snap a cry-your-eyes-out pic started as a Salvation Army recruit ringing a bell and begging alms for the poor outside the meccas of marketing.

Check out the bell-ringer folk ballad from Larry Nestor: “The Kettle.” This finger wagger should tweak your capitalistic conscience, but tends to fall flat. Proselytization should bring a little more impact.

A sad, tinny recording of the Yogi Yorgeson revisitation of “The Street Corner Santa Claus” barely does justice to the classic sentimental 1954 oompah novelty.

Killer Lights

Let’s sneak in a last couple songs about the end of Christmas lights. Or, rather, an end BY Christmas lights. Cue the Cryptkeeper with some horrible pun.

Crap Factory blazes some insta-death metal gargle out of “Strangled with Christmas Lights.” Okay, not exactly in our theme.

Birthing Stirrups also incompletely goof on “I Can’t Help But Strangle Myself with Christmas Lights.” Unintentional garage.

Let’s depart with 10th Grade Cutie’s “Hang Me from the Christmas Lights.” It’s garage.

Poor Lights

Even the impoverished want the reassuring ambience of Christmas lights.

Maxwell, Miranda Parsely get 1940s retro with their pop playfulness “Christmas Lights.” They’re spending their last dime on those li’l bulbettes. And they’re so nearly happy!

Abandoned Rugs also make a play out of their misspent pennies on “Christmas Lights.” But their hijinks are the stuff of sitcoms! Ha!

Who Cares Lights

Some of those modern singers lament their existential blues with bourgeois frippery in the periphery. Xmas lights? Whatever, the world’s a hole!

Urban rap takes this to heart, evidence MaRlo with “Christmas Lights.” Even if you get killed, man. Lights.

Swagkasper23 calls out the indifference of those “Christmas Lights,” even if he dies… Again rap for the loss.

Closed Heart Surgery rounds out our rap needs with “I Hope Christmas Lights Burn Your House Down.” I suspect girl troubles started it.

Young Statues echo alt “When the Lights Go Up” as a surrender to the inevitable.

Austin Hartley-Leonard dreams about being “Under Christmas Lights” as a symbol of emptiness (echo echo echo). Resigned maudlin folk.

Chanukah Lights

It’s not a contest, but Hanukkah started using lights first to celebrate late December. Maybe not the most songs about it, though.

Eli Goldstein rocks the pop with “Night of Light.” It’s heavy, regardless of the rap solo, because you know ritual, reverence, history.

More Jewish rap? “Light Your Lights” by T-Chai (feat. Rihanniwitz) relies on a backdrop of Oy-vey-ee-yay-ee-yay. More for the youth group than the elders.

The ’05 cast of ‘Wicked’ gets into the candlecraft with “The Chanukah Song (We are Lights).” A traditional celebration orchestrated for the whole stage. Wotta production.

Hasidic breakdown from 8th Day in their boy band jumper “Miracle of Light.” Huh?

Ari Goldberg leans into the bouncy pop of “Hanukkah Light.” It’s uplifting, which just seems weird for that holiday.

Stranger Things Lights

I’ll admit to watching the first season of Stranger Things, but was so racked by how glacial and derivative it was that i pretended i never did.

But, gotta tell ya, Ingrid Michaelson’s ‘borrowing’ of the “Christmas Lights” bit from that show to tell a tale of romantic hardship goes a whole ‘nother dimension of weird. It’s a fun alt-lite number, and i completely dig the animated video made for it, but please don’t have hype-culture inspire anything but humorous songs! Please!