Mall World: not him

Worse than finding out that Santa isn’t who the media make him out to be, is finding out that guy in the mall is somebody else altogether.

The Kids get American rock with their punk attitude singing about how “The Santa at the Mall” sounds a lot like their Uncle Paul. Crushing Christmas revelation!

If we’ve learned anything from TV, we know the Bart Simpson terror of discovering it’s dear old dad who’s the “Mall Store Santa.” The Old Salts make it worse with this bluesy rock recounting of the old man perp walked by the cops out of the mall.

Mall World: complaints

Kids may not appreciate the whole sit and wish mall Santa scene. How far do they push?

Krismas Kookies barbershop quartet the list of travails with their “Shopping Mall Santa.” It’s like being fired for malfeasance in a monotone.

The mall under construction is but the first of the troubles for “Steamrolled Mall Santa” by Birthing Stirrups. Punk observations of an absurd corporate season-scape.

Howard Morris returns to his “Department Store Santa (After Xmas).” The same tune, the same tadpoles, but some bitter vinegar for the part-time employee (is he being accused of sex-trafficking?!). Rockabilly country.

Mall World: uninnocent

One of the biggest problems for the mall Santa is keeping up with those crazy kids. The pre-teens wanna be smokin’ and drinkin’, the single digits wanna be too cool for yule, and the toddlers wanna be Kim Jong-Un. Where’s the youthful purity?

Sean Madigan’s “Mall Santa” has gun-toting, broken-family psychos to whisper in his ear with this easy-going rock bopper.

Howard Morris’s “Department Store Santa (Before Xmas)” has to grow up fast in this rockabilly spoken-word comedy 1960 classic.

Mall World: tragic

Will being the Santa down at the mall ruin your life?

Jarrod Dickenson judges the ankle-biters in his “Shopping Mall Santa’s Lament.” The power his folk ballad wishes it wielded is hinted at in the kazoo solo.

The burlesque romp from the musical of ‘A Christmas Story’ “Up on Santa’s Lap” might be period appropriate, but this showcase around the ‘you’ll shoot your eye out, kid!‘ barely delivers. Do your job, man.

Mall World: pathos

Would you rather be a grind mall Santa or have a grand mal seizure? Think about it….

Hot Buttered Elves garage rock the never-ending beat of the “Department Store Santa.” Existential Advent.

Brad Haley drawls from home “Santa on the Corner of 5th & Main.” No fortune or fame… is it even really Santa? Country sorrow.

The poor orphan “Christmas Carol” asks the department store Santa if she can have a real home for Christmas. Jim Jensen takes the country pledge and… well, I do believe you can see what’s coming–if you’d just stop crying for a sec.

Greg Wilson brings in an old country weeper about that old guy what gets no respect, the “Dime Store Santa.” Paid his dues, did his part, tried his best. But then he died. How is that fair?

Mall World: hard knocks

One of the downsides of being a mall Santa is the job. It’s not all guffaws and giggles. It’s, at times, tough.

From the Something Awful Christmas album, Ian Jenner outlines the requirements of the gig with the uncertain rock stumbler “Mall Santa 2.” It’s not pretty.

An Teeder runs out the road (garage) rock for the travails of the traveling “Mall Santa.” Feel the chimney, man.

Mall World: adult love

Trix may be for kids, but Santa is for everyone. Adults, hide not your need for santaffirmation, it will winnow your heartstrings to thread.

filnobep has an odd series of gangsta rappers sitting on Santa’s lap and wishing as far as urban crisis will let them. Most of the beat-men don’t sing, however, so let’s rejoice when “Tay-K Sits on Santa’s Lap” and lays down a rhyme. The guy who improvs as Santa is pretty good, too.

Not sure where “The Santa Mannequin Challenge” got started: bored millennials/fundraising goody-twoshoes? But try Lil Poverty Angels tutorial on how to get into the Xmas spirit without moving. Word jazz rap.

Slidawg & The Redneck Ramblers paint you a pitcher with the Bubba who tells Santa “All I Want for Christmas is a Billy Bass.” Look it up, kids. Redneck light rock done right.

Improv Everywhere elevates the flashmob into original street theater. Which can go really wrong. But it doesn’t with “You’re Never Too Old to Sit on Santa.” Showtune heaven.

Mall World: magic

Is that pillow-packin’, scraggly angel-hair chinning, old fool at the mall in December worth your while?! Look again, he might be mighty, mystical, mythical, magical….

The hero of the shopping day is “Mall Santa,” according to Cobra Cobra. Guys, he saves a kitten and struts off into the tree set and stuff! Cool retro pop.

“Mall Santa” by Jordan Higgs seems to be just a guy–but he promises you ANYTHING YOU ASK FOR (provided you’ve been good). That’s a victory lap. Folk garage pop.

Mall World: wild for it

How crazy do you have to be to be a mall Santa?

The Gebharts aren’t crazy about their “Shopping Mall Santa,” but their dry as a hangover garage-quiet-rock makes their protagonist gonzo as blueberry Wheaties.

Murder the Mood metalicize “Mall Santa” to transform into stand-in Big Red. It’s like a secret identity, but head-bangin’ is the power.

Welcome back, Red State Update! “Sit on Santa’s Lap” is a chimey white easy-listening rap that threatens and invites in varying amounts. It’s off the Rails Steak House!