Year-round Yuletide oddities
Santa’s lap (at the mall) is a metaphor for sex, at times. For the truly twisted.
Joey & Rory juggle the kiddies’ wantings with the adult flirtatiousness of “Come Sit on Santa Claus’s Lap.” It’s country barn pop.
Casdaluchi Ent & Luchi Toons get confusedly, ungrammatically not-quite-growed-up with “Sit on My Lap Like Santa Claus.” The broken music box beat distracts from the weak-sauce double entendres, but the rap is earnest.
That’s one find slab of holiday ham, that mall Santa. Objectify!
Sean Revoltah grunge party pop the “Mall Santa” with some grrl grabbiness. Fun.
Too Cute! exclaims Matt Roach in the American rock folker “Sidewalk Santa.” He’s one smitten kitten. (Even says ‘please’!)
Chubby Chasers Anonymous, let the meeting begin. Who would like to admit their wandering gaze has seared a mall Santa recently? Anyone?
The FuMP’s Amy Engelhardt’s reels from the department store sitter’s inappropriate selfies in the slightly obvious comedy showtune “Saint Nick Dick Pic.” Sorry.
Sarah Lynn Strange dials up a diva storm on Jill Louise Leger’s “Mr. Mall Santa.” This show tune stops when the panty drops.
What’s sadder than a mall Santa with an empty lap?? Nuttin’! Makes me think about missing other companionships….
Smokin’ Joe Pilloud cries out with some smokin’ blues about wanting a little more close-up attention on “Santa’s Lap.” Hey, bay-bee.
Tell me it’s not so! Mall Santa’s touching!!
No Assumption metalicizes the pedophilic tendencies of the giving oldster with their “Mall Santa.” They’ll none of it.
The Buglies dramatize that nasty fiend with booming laughter in “Santa’s Lap Dance.” Excuse me while i go wash. Garage atonal porn.
Not exactly forgivin’, but appreciative, Lil Poverty Angels unload their word jazz electronic rap on “Santa’s a Dirty Old Man.”
Could that mall Santa be some kind of evildoer?
Billy Bob Junior seems to be more negligent of sense than criminal when he hollers the redneck epitaph “Hey Y’all, Watch This!” as a rent-a-Santa. As told by Slidawg & The Redneck Ramblers.
How bad can mall Santa be? Let’s start at the bottom.
G-Zeus X has a liltin’ folk pop ballad about the “Mall Santa” who wants to come over. But he’s creepin’ me out. What to do?
Cheetah Dave takes a closer look at the 1$ version in his “Outlet Mall Santa.” One eye, but many smells. Fun percussive garage family rock.
Mall Santas come in all shapes and sizes: lonely loser, scamming pedo, wasted wannabe… let’s just look at the bad role model.
Ace and the Kid go see the “Mall Santa” much to their dismay. Driving pop punk lists his hygiene problems in colorful detail you can dance to.
Mommy, there’s something wrong with Santa Claus–he’s sweating, swearing, and spewing! Ok, kids, 2003’s ‘Bad Santa’ rocked our ironic socks off as the saint was portrayed by the skunk. But it was only quote-unquote funny because we knew it to be possible. What kinda loser takes THAT job!?
Henry McGoo seems to be “The Second Santa at the Mall.” Garage rock from Honecomb Bunker takes us back to those good old days of glue-sniffin’, gun-totin’ old guys trusted to kids.
“Blotto in the Grotto” is the best illustration of this nightmare. This music-hall brit-pop comedy from Little Timmy Tinsel & The Fairy Lights rollicks a rock-’em sock-’em scene from the department store. Hey, is that Dad?!
We’ve all seen that photo: the howling kid on Santa’s lap, another ruined (and expensive) photo from the mall.
Michael Gurley takes us there with his cute, comic kids’ song “I Ain’t Gonna Sit on Santa’s Lap.” Aww, he comes around after his tantrum!