Multiples of two thousands aren’t as easy to graph into our curve, but “Smell of Christmas” by Johnathan Boggarty and the Yoghurt Man must not be overlooked due to its experimental pop and grisly nature. The tons of whiskey needed to get through the horrors of the holidays outweigh the dead dog, blindness, broken families, suicidal tendencies, and overpowering odors of Santa. Happy merry.
Christmas Countdown: 2600
Jonathan Coulton and John Roderick hearken us back to 1977 and the best present a kid could hope for, the Atari Computer Video System–a game you could play on your TV that wasn’t Pong. Also known as the “2600,” this quantum leap in technology began the decline of Western Civilization. Who didn’t want to be the first kid on the block with one?! Repetitive pop madness.
Christmas Countdown: 3,000
Michael Shelton’s biochemistry lesson “3,000 Xmas Lights” is a tripping rock romance fantasy in which the Xmas metaphor is the least disturbing aspect. in the final line.
Mindy Smith isn’t getting home for Christmas. “The Snow and Three Thousand Miles” is yet another missing-you missive to music, this time slow country pop. Chin up, ye separated ones, love will find a way.
Crooning with tremolo, Stan Rogers laments that “First Christmas” 3000 miles away from home, working the holiday shift in the shop. Classic country downer. But, wait, maybe he’ll meet that runaway girl escaping domestic abuse….
OHEI & 500 Year Food duet a sparkly jazz mood with “Christmas in LA (or NY)” about taking sides for Xmas. Long dee relationships, a’know?
This Century is also closing the gap between long distance lovers. “Kiss Me Like It’s Christmas” smacks the pop with gusto and hope, despite being a continent away.
Christmas Countdown: 4,000
Whoops, lemme sneak some I missed: With 6000 miles between us, Gastronomical Unit wants to funk you a “Christmas from Far Away.” Damn, that’s good.
And, should give a nod to Sam & Bill’s “Hanukkah Party.” 5759 is the date for the Diaspora, I presume. Got this in album form (Christmas in July) only, but boy is this worth it. Or cut to 3:24 and join the worst party ever. BLUE ALERT!
Unfortunate parodies of novelty songs bode poorly, but the randomness of “All I Want for Christmas is a Two Ton Sheep” with its zany electronica and spoiled child vocals saves the day. Wool done, W. Michael Lewis.
Christmas Countdown: 9,000
Tim Minchin’s what’s-it-all-about-anyway Christmas song “White Wine in the Sun” is folk pop wisdom which truly celebrates the agnostic aspects of a religious holiday. He doesn’t say NOT, he doesn’t say YEP, but he does like the excuse to get together–even with his daughter (whose birth is celebrated when the song was written 2009) who may LATER be nine thousand miles away and called upon to reunite as family. I mean, was JC home for his birthday every year?
Christmas Countdown: 10,000
“When U C Me” from K-Drama culture rap-ferences Christ and his Xmas with the wish list of ten thousand souls he’s putting on his hit list. City life is tough.
Ten thousand miles apart was the cruelest winter in Heaven, according to Gareth Moulton’s “Cloud Cover (The Boys).” Poetic misery by means of unplugged light rock.
A fascination with the “Fairy Lights” makes _Patrickconnor smile. Folk psychedelia touches upon ten thousand smiles on Christmas Eve, otherwise–huh?
“Christmas Eve” by Nickel Creek is a sad alt-rock breakup song for Xmas. He’s got ten thousand words to say–and hope–but they don’t help.
The Caroleers bring down the countdown with the observation of “Ten Thousand Santa Clauses (But Not One Gift for Me).” Kidsong with a caution: careful what you grasp for.
Hey Kye is eco-shocked to see so many Christmas trees mown down after procuring their own up high like “The Mountain Goats.” Folk guilt-inducement.
Christmas Countdown: 12,000
The country jukebox boot stompin’ of “Six Tons of Toys” sounds pretty with the fiddling from Paul Brandt. But, me, i’m partial to the thrown away vocals and LesPaul fingering from Dave Dudley. That overload only sounds like big-rig trucking because it’s meant to. Still, it’s Santa with the twelve thousand pounds of kid-loot.
Christmas Countdown: 13,000
Sarah Golding notices how empty the beautiful Christmas Day is with you thirteen thousand kilometers away. “Same Sky” seems empty, though the slow piano pop is fulsome. ‘Scuse me, need a hanky.
Christmas Countdown: 15,000
The Long Ryders, of The Paisley Underground, get my attention with “Christmas in New Zealand,” alt-country about how they’re down under without you–so far away in America (less than ten thousand, actually–maybe Ireland, if you don’t fly? All right, the way the Earth works, you can never be more than 12,450 miles from anyone; so, poetic license). The song, however, is great stuff.
Christmas countdown: 20,000
Barely Christmas, Mary Chapin Carpenter has an epiphany in the arrivals section of some airport (after being twenty thousand feet up and seeing city lights look like Xmas lights) in her airy folk masterwork “Transcendental Reunion.”