Christmas Countdown: 880 BLUE ALERT

Aaron Walter flashes many numbers about in his spoken “No Bonus Checks This Year,” a holiday non-tradition to be sure. 100,000 seems to be the salary of the guy announcing your bupkis bonus, except for that 50% pay cut someone thinks he got. But you’re 30 working in this box o’ hell. I notices, however, that this is Circuit City store 880 (which Is sucking big time) (and prolly not there anymore). So, swearing.

Christmas Countdown: 900

Rizo is dealing with the haters hanging with the 1907 Syndicate and worrying about keeping up. “Life Goes On…” stresses the purpose, but eases on the mad rhymes–Fuck you if you don’t like me I’m just trynna make a living Buy everybody 900 dollar presents for Christmas… which must be the mark of success or something.

The Red Squares represent the smug SOB who tells his girl he’s right. So she takes a Greyhound bus back home for the holidays To be with her East Coast family 900 miles away–not a good sign. “Santa Don’t Stop for Me” is the logical call-out for a boy who’s as bad as any boy can be. But the music is boy band as good as can be.

Christmas Countdown: 911

What’s nine one one to you? A call? A car? A calamity? It could be so many things!

Some Karen called 911 when someone Christmas Day was seen breaking and entering in “Santa Got Arrested” by The Arrogant Worms. Bouncy pop. Just what we need.

Also calling would be Cledus T. Judd who can take only so much “Merry Christmas From the Whole Fam Damily.” Pop redneck country. [Cledus also avails of 911 in “Tree’s on Fire.” Fishing for spokesperson role?]

Pyreworks heavy metals the merry tale of children calling for help when “Santa Died” on the floor of their home–where’s Grampa?!

A 911 Carrera tops RuffGotRhumes’s “My Christmas List.” Inoffensive, nay playful, rap.

JohnLion compares a rare beauty to both Christmas morning and a Porsche 911 in “Sleigh Tonight.” Lusting rap for that red dress.

Nick and Gabe bring it back around to novelty with “Thank God (9/11 Wasn’t on Christmas).” This pop tribute begins with how awful people make the holidays, BUT… ‘coulda been worse. Thanks for the perspective, boys.

Christmas Countdown: 944

The Killers return with another of their killer mini-movie videos. “Dirt Sledding” is all over the place, a hipster poetry dialogue concerning who wants to bring whom what. Red Porsche 944 like Jake In “Sixteen Candles” may be what Santa wants to gift, but the narrator wants it simple: pretty girls, Christmas lights. Driving rock.

Christmas Countdown: 999

“Dial 999” is a fun children’s song about Santa crashing and needing emergency services. Plus a house fire, and a runaway cooked turkey. Pauline Willoughby has an odd sense of appropriateness, but when we realize 999 is emergency for the UK all is clear again. Those Brits!

Tortured banjo folk from People Who Look Like Things disses the religiously observant, claiming there are only “1000 Christmases.” Then we’ll be free. They keep singing about it so much, they note there’s only 999 more now. What’s got there goat (lamb?)?

Christmas Countdown: 1000?!

So many songs include the grand number 1.000 for Christmas that some of them just get weird. That’s OH kay with me.

Emerson & Cassidy adorably get the lyrics wrong in “Deck the Holly Thousand Polly,” a kids’ groaner that grandparents everywhere are sure to love.

Oppositely, some judge done sent a thousand families distant in “Christmas in a Cell.” Lil Tjay BLUE ALERT requests mercy for his race for the holidays in this lively rap.

Just as angry/festive Gary Mangred hates those carols Singing about the snow A thousand klo-metres away (as well as the toys, toys toys). “I Wish It Could be Christmas Every Year” would wrangle the true meaning of 12/25 out of the mess we’re in–but it’s so goofy hipster i gotta throw it in the whatever heap. Tortured uke folk.

Metaphorically, “The Castle” by The Flaming Lips is nearly holiday-ish. It seems to psychedelically describe some feminine apex, including her brain. Her brain = The Castle, which is brighter than a thousand Christmas trees. It doesn’t end well in this throwback prog-rock doodler; i’m guessing love was lost. But imagery still burns bright.

“The Little Girl’s Dream” is the Spike Jones spoof on The Nutcracker, so look out for the war ‘against the thousand mice. And bodily noises as instruments. Bloody symphonic nightmare.