Christmas Countdown: 80˙

Brad Brewer is south of the Georgia line “A Palm Tree at Christmas.” This country folk is homespun and home-recorded. Kinda rocks, though.

Also deeply South (and warm) Craig Croker Jr. gently strums and folks and pop of “It’s a LowCountry Christmas.” I just about smell it….

Eighty degrees in The Keys is the least of Grandpa C’s problems. Featured in The Christmas Workshop Band Jingles’s “White Christmas Dream,” the rapping oldster is stuck in a horrible holiday loop. Don’t let it catch you. But, if it does, Pass the beer.

Also Floridian, Artie N croons the pop “Xmas in the Sun,” a Calypso-adjacent chill party. Not sure why he’s pretending Mexico–guess 80 isn’t warm enough.

On the other coast, “Boost Christmas” is much more Caribbean (?!?) from SUPERCHARGED (feat. Kwanza Jones & Matty). Pop bubblegum party spew.

Palm Beach is the high pitched pop squealing second-best for Kara Colvin “‘Til I’m Home.” If you can’t be where you want to be be where you are… i guess.

Christmas Countdown: 83

83 is still too warm during “Christmas Time in L.A.” for Chanté Moore. R+B about how beautiful it is in the sand. But i’m not not seduced by the pop rhythms. Could this be R&B ironic??

Malinda offers to Test every strand of lights and drape the tree in 83 ways for her “(Im)perfect Christmas.” Smokey jazz and bluesy wiles about how cool it is to be kinda dumb. Brrr.

83 years is the sentence in “Rudolph’s Story.” Jae Trxpp raps the Xmas tale old as time ’bout the two homeboys who accidentally shoot a kid, split the loot, get greedy, shoot one another, recover, lay low, then snitch. Sing along.

Christmas Countdown: 84

“Colorado Christmas” makes a comeback from it’s posting back in 2015. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band is at its most poetic here poking fun at California. Looking out the window of this Hollywood Hotel You’d never know that it was Christmas Eve. The billboards and the neon took the place of silver bells And the temperture is 84 degrees. Still too warm, boys.

“Miracle on 84th Street” takes Santa uptown with some rockin’ stylings a la I Don’t Know Margo. Crazy.

Christmas Countdown: 85

Isn’t 85 warm enough for equatorial Xmas? “Santa’s Going South for Christmas” sings Sammy Hagar with appropriate American rock about leaving the freeze and going to Mexico where the temp is mid-eighties.

Joey + Rory get more country rock with “Let It Snow (Somewhere Else).” Somewhere in the islands, it’s more’n warm.

A form of reggae rap livens Social Club Misfits’ “Christmas in Florida.” How you gon drive in the snow Wait …it’s Florida girl it’s 85 degrees.

Arthur Ray gets all slo-mo with his rapping “Christmas in Houston.” Whole lot more descriptive, too: Carolers on Texas Ave sangin’ “White Christmas” 85 degrees, hoes is sweet tea sipping G’s in they slabs got they 4-4s tippin’ Grippin’ wood grain with the candy paint drippin’. Uh, Blue-ish Alert.

The Dan Band notes no snow ’cause it’s 85 degrees (when it drops down to 70 people think they’re gonna freeze). “Christmas Time in California” is like that. Ironic boy band silliness.

Whew, let’s cool it down with ADHD (Animation Domination High Definition). Heather Anne Campbell’s Scientifically Accurate series takes on “Santa Claus” with a whole pile of numbers (speed of Santa, size of craters where he lands), but ends with 85%–the measure of countries WITHOUT child labor laws (who make the toys, not the elves). To the tune of ‘Coming to Town’ get ready to be offended, grossed out, and (perhaps) educated.

Christmas Countdown: 90

Set the car blinker at 90BPM to get drunk on the front lawn, rambles the random garage “Happy Winter Solstice” from Parking Lots. It’s Christmas, but it’s a mess. Like life, y’know, man.

Oh, yeah, and California NEVER gets seasonal. “Malibu Kind of Christmas” notes the heat (in the shade!), with the surfer rock The Malibooz make so cool. Check it.

But, you WANT it hot? Not sure where this takes place (Not LA, they say) but, They say it’s gonna be 90 or more! “Won’t Someone Please Tell the Weatherman It’s Christmas” yodel the honky tanking 42nd Street Singers. Is it climate change?

Don’t forget, North Earthers, The Southern Hemisphere celebrates 12/25 too. It’s hot there, though.The Frights point that out with their rocking “Christmas Everyday.” Along with Budweiser boxers, great apple pie recipes, and a peach candle. Paw-tee!

Christmas Countdown: 92

To kids from 1 to 92 is the demographic for Nat King Cole (and everyone else)’s ‘The Christmas Song.’ Not going to rerun that. AND most parodies don’t include the numbers…

The ’60s Invasion alludes to this range in their “Come On People (Have a Merry Christmas).” Only the finest in rock parodies for y’all.

But “Deez Nuts Resting” is a spoken word jumble from The Total Chaos Effect that’s both gutsy and nasty BLUE ALERT. The women he’s willing to lay is from 18 to 92.

Then there’s homespun For Iven’s proselytizing “Chestnuts Roasting Parody,” which does a more decent joke-pull on this subject.

Christmas Countdown: 94

A$AP Twelvvy gets all blerd with his rap: “12 Days of X-Mas.” I’m in a Santa suit Tree botanical, on 94th Street I’m a miracle Not for Comic-Con I’m a muppet boy begins the rap adventure of partying, shopping, and crashing. Don’t let the title scare you off, no repetition mars this swirl.

Back to the rockabilly! The Hollybells are lost, narrating: It’s not about the gifts Where’s my car I love this time of year I’m in aisle 94. “Christmas Simple” is just a swingin’ thing. Go, cat, go.

Christmas Countdown: 95

N95s are a symptom of “COVID Christmas,” a better-than-many-others comedy carol from Montague. Let the smarmy easy listening pop carry you to the ER.

Far away from home, and everything I know Cause only thing I see, is me on this open road South on 95, the thought of you keeps me alive. Jimmyjamster is getting there, baby, and “This Christmas” is the R+B road trip to your presence. So, okay.

Also getting there Jeremih and Chance the Rapper head On down Michigan Ave and hold my hand Take a red line from 95th to the End. “I’m Your Santa” is R+B rap with a romantic leaning. Awww.

Steve Pineo delivers unto us another Scrooge “In the Dominion of Mr. Klein.” This calypso rumba recalls when Mr. Klein he had a drink, told the poor people just what he think But don’t ever let the homeless say Mr. Klein never threw any money their way Because before he slammed the shelter door he threw 95 dollars on the floor And this was right at the Christmas time. And a one-two-three dip!

Christmas Countdown: 9:6

Isaiah 9:6 is the chapter and verse of the Jayby born. Sing it, but reference it.

The Corner Room puts “Isaiah 9:6-7” to pretty folk strumming. Then some reading.

Awana’s “Isaiah 9:6” is more motonous kidsong. Then big chorus.

JumpStart3 tries big party techno with “Isaiah 9:6.” Then more party.

Mr. Chocks’s “Happy Christmas” brings us salvation and no reason to be depress with a Jamaican backbeat in the name of that Bible quote. Mo’ message, mo’ poem.