Christmas Countdown: 55

The Crusty Jugglers warns us (again) about finding “Santa’s Boots” under your loving one’s bed when you return from truck driving Christmas Eve on 55 from St. Louis. All that overtime driving was to save up and buy you that ring, but–

Professional parodists Balderdash & Humbug complain about the early playing of Xmas music in “The 55 Days of Christmas.” Many of your least favorites (incl. novelties) are lambasted for your booing pleasure. [Warning: it’s a ’12 Days’ spoof.]

Christmas Countdown: 57

Mitchell Tenpenny, Meghan Patrick get extra nasal for the country values of “I Hope It Snows.” This is small town hominess, so Take a left on 57 so you can see the lights. Corny, but touching.

Odds Bodkin rocks out a children’s brutal education in “The Takeover Before Christmas.” 57 appears here as the floor of the clueless corporate overlords (and the ’57 Chevy Santa lands in during forced retirement). Worth a listen, no matter your capitalistic bent.

“Christmas in the City” is the heartfelt, sappy livelong to NYC from 5th Avenue to Times Square to 57th Street. Orchestral pop via Elizabeth Chan.

Christmas Countdown: 60

Quick sidebar before we begin: ‘Rocko’s Modern Christmas’ special of 1994 featured tunes with 60 in the title for no better reason, perhaps, than they were a minute long. So, quick shout out to Richard Myhill’s “Ho Ho Dance 60” and James Abbott and Alex Adams’s “We’re Gonna Party 60.” Mix those into your rumpus room soundtracks, stat.

Spirit of the West is also time-attuned, “Roadside Attraction” begins with the chill of 60 days ’til Christmas. The whole deal is about breaking out of your rut, but–you know–in time for the holidays is implied!

Time figures into rate, so “Supercharged Santa Claus” can get it from 0 to 60. Party rap from Kwanza Jones (feat. Matty).

But, we’re still in the moderate temperature zone. Pirate God whisper-raps over ‘Last Christmas’ rhythms a “Christmas Eve Freestyle” more concerned about the 60 degrees than the BLUE ALERT bullies and needs.

Uke swing from Christina Rose enjoys a “Summer Christmas” of some 60 degrees. Hawaiian vacays matter.

Let’s deep dive the nostalgia of northern Maine for a mo. “60 Watt Colored Light Bulbs” used to hang in strings over Main Street for a more festive community–according to Flooded Cellar and their homespun folk poppabilly. Woulda been a wonderland, woo woo.

Christmas Countdown: 64

We Speak in Sounds has a nostalgic look back in the choral pop “I Believe in Santa Claus.” ‘Cuz if you believe you might get a N64.

But, the Nintendo 64 is just one of the punchlines (lousy presents!) in “Fuck Christmas,” a BLUE ALERT time of disappointment for young rappers Gentleman’s Vibe & IFHT (feat. Peter Chao). Raucous fun.

The Arkadian hard rocks the point here in “All I Want For Christmas (Is a Nintendo 64).” Stand back! This is serious!

All right already with the games! Life is more complicated than that, like the Secret Santa dilemma when you figure out you got the Jew to buy a gift for…. But All Students goes all in with “I Don’t Know What to Get.” Turns out Hanukkah presents are all cheap crap, so Some raisins… A balloon… 64 pack of crayons… and Burger King coupons. Problem solved! Electronica rap.

Christmas Countdown: 65

It’s been a minute since we’ve seen ApologetiX, so let’s review their lovely Eagles’ parody “Hotel Can’t Afford Ya,” in which Joseph complains ‘They probably haven’t cleaned in here since B.C. 65.’ Rockin’ hilarious.

“Santa Claus is Going Down 65” is a Harold Rippy troubadour trip of confusing directions. Makes me sad, but i can’t figure out why.

Homeless or otherwise poverty-situated Wuden Boi chant/raps “Merry Freaking Christmas” to hypnotic raga. It’s saddening/maddening to be alone and on a cot and sweating in the sixty-five degrees. Phew.