Year-round Yuletide oddities
Owl City ends up with 45 pairs of socks in their NewAge rock “Peppermint Winter.” Unimaginative present, but good timing.
Lauren Davidson knows how to cozy up with the schlock country music, the fireplace, and the Sinatra 45. Sigh up with “We’re Just Warming Up.“
Ray Stevens has a different visitor on the night before Christmas. But “The King of Christmas” leaves him a 45 (that’s a baby vinyl record, kids) (and maybe some sequins on the snow). Bebopping rock from the King of Cornball.
.45 caliber weaponry is part of THUG LIFE for the rap-set. “Slay” is the purveyance of Sky Janga and King Redd. There’s sex, cancer, ice cold feelings, but no cake. Keep the gun in the console: 45 with the red nose.
More garage than rap, white-guy Kipp EZ wants his Colt 45 poolside in “California Christmas.” Wait, that’s a malt beverage.
Hey Santa Claus here’s a present from me All seven rounds of .45 ACP throat shreds Billy Creepshow for “Ho-Ho-Homicide.” This time, it’s poison metal.
Forgiato Blow is that one black MAGA guy wanting to cancel 46 in the lively rap “Let’s Go Brandon Christmas.” Curious? Warning: fallacies may occur.
AK-47s figure into the holiday rap rebellions of ice WRLD’s “Christmas List” and King Aiden’s “Hood Christmas.” Just a BLUE ALERT minute, ‘mo getchu some peace on earth, fellas.
Ben Folds Five hurts his hands smashing out grade-A boogie boogie for “One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces,” barely a holiday number in that it mentions his 47 inch height got him bullied and picked on, despite Mom’s promise of an excellent Christmas gift. (And that he’d grow up famous.) Brilliant craziness!
If Jesus were alive today… He’d have the history of the world
Tattooed across his ass, in 47 languages. So sez “Jesus Revisited” by Dead Hot Workshop. This garage postulation puts Mr. C in the ‘burbs, or jail–but w/o job. Heavy… What would Jesus draw?
Maya Huyan has a little story about getting presents for Xmas, it involves catching Santa publicly urinating at the point of her 48 Magnum. “Merry Litmas” is a wild rap ride, but it ends happily–like the whole BLUE ALERT was a dream….
Percy Parker is teaching times tables in “Warm Feet“–oddly a Christmas counter for boots for cows. That’s the kind of farmer Roger is, in Kidsong anyways. You’re expected to learn and singalong. Get to it.
The Wish You Weres are a punk band from deep in the heart of Kentucky. Their extensive “Wishlist” features each band member asking for their specifics: a toaster, a turtle , an Easter Basket full of dead chihuahuas… but that’s not the worst. What they got YOU (it’s under the bed) is the worst. This seems to be take 49, according to the lyrics. BLUE ALERT–so fun as expletive.
BLUE ALERT Blight Dolezal slips in a chipmunk filter to his rap”Trappin’ on Christmas” with lots of drugs, but Mess with the money and we pull the trigger–No child jobs we ain’t babysitters: 50 strippers, beat ’em to the bed Then go back to gettin’ richer.
Not terribly surprised by “50 Shades of Christmas.” Liz Moriondo jazzily R+Bs the usual wordplay into a near-decent ditty about blindfolded foreplay.
“Santa Baby” gets a remix rap treatment from The Christmas All Stars (Salt-N-Pepa · Onyx · Snoop Dogg · P. Diddy · Keith Murray · Mase · Joseph Simmons). Late night, stars are bright We gettin rocked! With the 50 St. Nicholas Start rippin this. Is it the cops? The money? The nunna my beezneez?
More tomfoolery from Jeff Dunham’s persona Bubba J covering “Roadkill Christmas” (which we have featured before from The Road Kill Band). The wife outwrestles the not-quite-dead deer peeled off the road, since she had 50 pounds over him. Har. Country music har.
Warbling surf rock is also silly. So “Santa’s Got a Surfboard Guitar Sleigh” (with a fifty foot deck!) is Julius Davis giving us the humor.
BLUE ALERT NoneSoo gets crazy in “3 Hos” with driving under the influence (getting bout fifty) and a backseat full of women. Careless rap.
Well, it guess it’s Christmas Eve when Carrie Underwood’s protagonist–with 50 miles to go–spins out on black ice and begs “Jesus Take the Wheel.” So, Xmas adjacent.
Codlist (feat. Still Stevens) plays the fool with the ironic lounge idiocy of “Crack Open an Ice Cold Christmas.” 50 years ago this day a baby was born in Bethlehem, This triggered a phenomenon known as “Christ Mas.” You celebrate in your way, and i’ll stay over here.
More money, more music. 50£ is not the same as 50$. Reptilians celebrate “Christmas is a Time for Giving” with all the British pomp of the homeland of Dickens. So take this fifty pound note And buy the biggest turkey in Haighs they proclaim amidst the ska pounding. My kind of party.
50p is not 50¢ either. So Slowthai is poorer in his BLUE ALERT “Slow Down (Santa),” a Brit-rap that suffers in need: 50p flats, 50p please
I was on the raise like a beggar in the street.
Also accented from worse off lands, “JOP Evil Christmas” rails against the poverty–with violence! When dah rifle yah buss the Christmas hot like Summer 50 caliber a spray like shower, blood a run a run out of boy body like water. It’s Xmas either way, innit? BLUE ALERT care of Aidonia · Navino · Deablo · Tanso.
Kaiser Chiefs give us a break with a singsongy alt-pop “Sunday Morning“–catchy as all get out. Reaching for better he finds: Sunday morning with your Sunday papers; Have your Sunday dinner with your kids and your second wife. It’s Sunday morning, read your Sunday papers, With your Christmas slippers on and 50 colour supplements.
Back to our irregularly scheduled anger: “Punk Rock Xmas” as slung by Left Unread is a childish tantrum of wanting what’s improper. I wanna drink 50 beers With all of Santa’s reindeers. And it’s not really punk.
A President Grant seems to be the respectful gift limit for Xmas. More is trying too hard (or covering something up), less is bargaining.
BLUE ALERT Frostbyt3 (feat. Josh Coleman) raps about the frustrations of shopping as well. in “Wishlist” he laments Walmart or Target, I got fifty bucks And the line is so long that I know that I’m stuck For an hour at least. Sad.
BLUE ALERT Boosie Badazz paints a prettier picture of “Santa Claus of the Ghetto.” In this rap A fifty dollar bill will make a kid smile bright
Thank you, Mr. Dope Dealer.
BLUE ALERT Mini Meish has a “Wishlist” that’s pretty naughty: some new titties Wit a big ole ass and hundreds and 50s–and that’s not including the sexual favors she’d like added. Girl rap.
BLUE ALERT “Red Christmas” from Ray León seems to whipsaw between killing and paying. Shawty like 50 and think she still lit: Imagine her raising them kids. Petty like 50 on insta, Results of the life that I’ve lived. Is that dollars? It’s intense, even for rap.
TIMŌRĀTUS presents us a charming heavy metal journey: “Christmas Present Conundrum (Courtney’s Crisis).” What should she get the hubby–last minute? Should it be a fifty dollar Starbucks card??? stay tuned!
Somewhere around Christmas look out for “The Snow.” Seth Rhodes plays pretty pop about watching All the people on 51st street Our eyes covered by an ice sheet. Watch you dance step!
The TV with the 5.1 sound makes it hard to relate to family all trapped together for the holidays. But Sam Newton trudges out a reluctant, dutiful “Merry Christmas” with notes of country in his pop.