Category: rock

Some more et cetera mammals–this time the cool, exotic jungle kind:

Tigers need to get into that Nativity scene more often, i mean it just looks chill with that stripey killer lying beside the Baby Lord… or is that just me? Okay, see how nuts this gets with the “Christmas Japan Tiger-san Song” as posted by Ergesr Mikasoraesa. Hello, kitty.

Now i don’t think we need to get any more hippopotamussier than we have already, so check out same formula with an even more hilarious (bigger) “I Want an Elephant for Christmas” by the Peter Pan Carolers.

But if you want a Real Song on the topic, lets take a moment for Hank Thomspon and “I’d Like to Have an Elephant for Christmas.” Yee haw, merrily on down.

[And we’ve already gone into the Heart of Darkness with Les Paul and Mary Ford with “Jungle Bells (Dingo Dongo Day)”–though i’d go there again.] But let’s segue that into The Superions starting the conga line with “Christmas Conga (Jungle Bells).” Not many animals, but do the watusi!

If you want all the animals in one place, let Bah & The Humbugs lead you through “The Christmas Zoo.” It may make you do a childish little dance.

Some wild animals have been sadly house-broken. Curious George brings us, Grey Griffin as Betsy sings to us “Our Christmas Monkey.” But her question remains: why no Christmas monkey song?

Answering the question, in fine ‘sixties pop-rock style, are The Barbary Coasters with “I Want a Monkey for Christmas.” Those kids are going to be in so much trouble! But somehow i feel like surfin’.

Granted, bugs are fairly complex critters on the taxonomical chart. But there’s not a cornucopia of Christmas songs about blobby floaty things in the sea (not even sponge Christmas carols about Bob) (nor worms!–someone get on that!).

On the other hand, there’s a buttload of holiday hymns for cephalopods. What’s up with that?

Some of these are nonsensical hoax-cult children’s addictions like “A Squiddle Christmas 5 Opening Song.” This could-a been TV series at the turn of the Millennium claims to have lost original copies and now only odd scraps show up on youtube. Was it ever real? Who cares?

Slightly more palatable (not) is The Singing Zoologist, trying to Bill Nye The Science Guy-up the joint, with “Merry Christmas Cephalopods (A Science Song for Octopuses, Squids, Cuttlefish, and Nautiluses).” Try not to learn something while celebrating, i dares ya.

Continuing the sad caroldy tradition of clumsy substitutions for traditionals, Pirate Stu sings (when not losing his place) “Jingle Piratopus” i guess about a pirate octopus. And Christmas. Arrr.

To cure your sense of childish glee, Face Full of Fist continues their Octopus saga with “Octopus. A Punk Christmas Nightmare.” Like all great OG punk, it tells a story. Actually for a song, it’s pretty talky.

If you’re finally ready to rock your suckers out, then tune in Jason Morris’s hip “Twangles, The Christmas Squid.” It rocks around the ock, it does. Tell your friends.

Little Richard, Al Green, Bo Diddley, Chuck Berry all start to chart their success in 1955. Hop those socks, chicks and daddios.

The Chordettes hit with ‘Mr. Sandman’ the year before, and its puckish author Pat Ballard penned a novelty Christmas send up this year. Dorothy Collins charted to #51 with “Mister Santa.” Hey, that’s kinda funny.

Please, keep in mind, we want to rock and we want to roll. But we need to marry up doo wop, the blues, some jazz and some attitude here.

Let’s dole out the doo wop, baby cakes! The Voices look dapper and trim. I’ll let their “Santa Claus Baby” and “Santa Claus Boogie” speak for them. ‘Cuz i can find no more ’bout dem. Yet, they send me.

Bluesy and sultry Johnny Moore with his Three Blazers scorch their way through “Christmas Eve Baby.” Lock up the women!

Jazz standard bearer Louis Armstrong (he’s only 54 years old here) is still churning out the beat in 1955.  “Christmas in New Orleans” paints you a trumpetty landscapes of happenin’ holiday whoop-de-dos you wish you could get to.

That funny gospel exclaiming bit gets the workout with “Christmas Gifts” via Walter Schumann and Jester Harston exhorting us all jazzy-like to get going with the Christmas shopping.

After their #1 ‘Earth Angel’ (on the R&B charts) The Penguins released “Christmas Prayer.” Their  heavenly harmonies connect churchy gospel to doo wop to the blues to that next level of cool.

“A Cool Cool Christmas” frostily delivers more doo wop by The Sabers. But this time they call it rock ‘n’ roll. Get some! The backup wailing and saxophone craziness makes one lose control, it does.

Let’s add some electric guitar and–voila! “Rock ‘n’ Rolly-Polly Santa Claus” by Lillian Briggs.

Some Cleveland schoolmates wanted to be as good as The Moonglows and The 5 Keys. They called themselves The 5 Stars and played dives and clubs until a couple recordings came out in 1955. (Dave Clark by then had redubbed them The Hepsters.) “Rocking’ and Rollin’ with Santa Claus” is one of their hits, and it’s a keeper.

Santa must’ve had work-related accidents before now.

Ron and Tyler Goudreau from Canada muse over whether “Santa Claus was Bitten by a Zombie” and one time or another. They’re not terribly clever about it, but they do rock it in their family room.

On the other hand, we all need to allow for sadness (i saw that in a Pixar movie).

So here’s a how-to self destruct from the Sick Puppies: “Killing Myself for Christmas.” It’s millennial rebellion! Take that Mom and Dad!

Since love loss leads so easily to commit seppuku, we need an anthem for suicide watch for the Nativity.

Please consider this Up With People version by Private Instigators: “Please Don’t Kill Yourself this Christmas.” Complete with a PA hotline phone number at the end.

I want to live–to open presents!

I know… you were hoping for some metal… some death metal…

Almost there (i’m a little old for headbanging regularly).

And I KNOW Weird Al Yankevic has a comedy classic “The Night That Santa Went Crazy” but despite the hints of elficide, it’s mostly about torture-killing the reindeer and we’ll deal with roadkill in another week or two.

So to start you out of the grisly world of grinchy life-taking (check out my Halloween week from last year as well), here’s cute little Londoner Silver Darter, singing about luring you to his cabin and relieving you of your burden of breathing for the holidays: “The Face of Death.”