Category: rock

WHAT ELSE? Boxes Up!

Is this not a holiday? Shall we not get our party pants on? Woo!

Since the tradition of Boxing Day is noblesse oblige Robb Johnson gets 99% appropriate with the mad folk “Boxing Day.” Eat the rich (treat you were given in your box)!

Matt Farley is finally back in guise as The Motern Media Holiday Singers. “The Boxing Day Anthem” is his usual crazed word jazz set to some kind of rhythm. Thank you.

Calendar days with names attract strange rituals. Along Europe, but mostly northern England, the day after Xmas heralds the Boxing Day swim which leads us to the bouncy folk of “The Boxing Day Swim Song” by Steve Love. No thank you.

England also touts a big markdown sale after 12/25. Renaud Buffoni gets high culture orchestral with “The Boxing Day Song.” But it’s all about crass cash.

Crazy Canucks The Holiday Hipsters rage the pop with “Carol of the Boxing Day.” On your feet!

WHAT ELSE? How’dyew Like Them Boxes

Boxing Day can be the scramble for hope, the angry search for what we lost. Breakup songs!

Courtney Barnett dances out the folky pop of the end of her rope. See she feels like a Christmas Tree on “Boxing Day.” Metaphorical with a cool beat.

Sondre Lerche fast pops the awkward confrontation in “Boxing Day.” Don’t be such a whore! La lala lalala la.

Blink 182 sways into fun poprock with “Boxing Day.” Does he accept her departure? Will there be throwing of things? Or is he ending it all?

It’s All Relative, Santa & Son

Is Santa the dad to beat all? Aren’t we all his family?

John Goodman sings about how everybody is somebody in “Santa’s Family.” It’s a showtune from ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Movie.’ Slow jazzy ragtime, but still treacly kidpop.

We all wish it, don’t we? “Wouldn’t It be Fun to be Santa Claus’s Son?” revisits our site now by Joanie Bartels. Kidsong cliche.

Maybe he really has his own kid. “Willie Claus, Little Son of Santa Claus” gets a cover by Jaye D. Marie to explain why kids are more trouble than they’re worth. Kid country on speed.

The “Son Of St. Nick” might turn out okay in the end. Swoony folk from Kelly Nolf & Wyndi Harp rocks out the possibility. Wotta hunk.

Santa’s daughter, on the other hand, is a handful. Soca from RemBunction tells the story of “Samantha Claus (I’m a Big Boy).” She brings out the little boy in the big boy with her presence.

I mean, does Santa even procreate? In “New Elf in the Family” Three Day Threshold and Aedan Byrnes revival folk rock out how Mr. and Mrs. Claus make more slaves. Blessed event, or bottom line?

EX-Mas, deserved it

So, I‘m the stinker?!

Cherrywodd ha-has up a buttload of Australian honky tonk for the irresponsible “Broken Heart for Christmas.” It’s catchy, it’s seductive, but you wind up with an pounding emptiness afterwards.

EX-Mas, what are YOU celebrating about?!

There you go, buying and exchanging, caroling and greeting–How Could You!? I’m extra sad because I’ve been left!

Transference from Chris Stalcup & the Grange repeating “I Hate Christmas” since you left me then. Bluesy honky tonk.

Green Cherries revisists ’60s pop with “It’s Christmas,” an ode to one-sided endurance. Just listen. Then you’ll feel as bad…. (It IS pretty.)

EX-Mas, devastated

Gobsmacked, shellacked, benumbed… the aftermath of the Xmas breakup is stronger than anesthesia.

“It Must Have been Love” was some kind of hit for Roxette when released just before Christmas 1987. The later lyrics of this pop sobber were later altered NOT to reference the holidays specifically.

Manic Mark includes snippets of 27 takes and part of an actual folk song, “My Wife Done Left Me & Took Everything but Christmas.” His Gary Busey routine is tiring and the song is hardly worth it. But, on point.

The Orioles spin us a 1948 croon-y toon-y about loss and hurt with “(It’s Gonna be a) Lonely Christmas.” I hear ya, brothers.

Dude York delivers the ’90s pop/rock fix with “Break Up Holiday,” with the need to leave. As pity parties go, it’s rockin’.

EX-Mas: the D word

Had enough? Time for the courts to get involved? You’ve been served.

Servo’s “Christmas Divorce” is jumpin’ ‘billy garage hotness which i suspect is slightly holiday themed.

Such a cool irony, it’s now an improv sketch. Painful Whispers treat us to an off the cuff sort-of folk song “Christmas Divorce.”

Trey Stone & The Ringers bring it home with “I Want a Divorce for Christmas,” an Elvis-inspired rock cacophony of woe and badly baked cookies.

EX-Mas, before the breakup

Sure we’ve trundled through songs about mistletoe, love, and hookups. What’s next–? Oh, yeah. The destiny of promiscuity. <sigh> Ok, dawgs and bitches, let’s talk. You love that adrenaline shot of love (dopamine), but then you develop a resistance to the effects, and need a new drug. So shove off! Lookin’ past yo’ clingy ass!

Got it?

Scotty Sire raps out the plan. “Lonely Christmas” is the response to the about-to-plan. It hasn’t happened yet, but drama needs a stage. And he’s got some moves.

Still suspicious? Pick up his phone! More how-to from Joshua Gilyard presenting Queen of the Ratchet in “Ratchet of the Bells,” a BLUE ALERT lovely (near) a cappella tutorial on how to call him out in time for the holidays. Wrestle that, girl!

New Found Glory trounces Christmas as as bad as expected. And they’re dragging you through the blaming mud. It’s leading up to something pretty harsh in “Ex-Miss.” ’90s pop cruncher.

ReduXmas: Sweet Christmas!

No one probably got the Luke Cage reference for the theme title here, but the songs about chocolate, cookies, and LORDY fruitcake filled the counters to the brim. (Do counters have brims?) So many more!

Sugar AND spice? John Legend visited the Grammy-winning ‘Colbert Christmas’ special in 2008 with an ode to “Nutmeg.” R+B delicious. You’ll be happy that you ate it.

German regret runs you through killedbycandy’s alt garage “Cinnamon.” Reminds you of happier times, like before you heard this song.

Filling out the recipe, The Withers go pouty parody with “Gingerbread.” (Somehow Something Awful’s Kruxy & Paladinus of All-Rush Mixtape make this even worse with their overlong version.)

Not so sweet are Brian Kinder’s Grandma’s “Christmas Cookies.” Plain old children’s mush-ic.

Toys!? Candyband punks out “I Want a Big Fat Cookie for Christmas.” I’m not actually sure confectionaries are involved. Hmm.

Back to our regularly scheduled comedy. Conan O’Brien’s talk show on TBS exuded a holiday jingle “Minty the Candy Cane Who Fell on the Ground” back the first year (2010). It’s not pretty, it’s not edible, it IS retro ragtime jazz pop.

Farmer Jason brings us back to the real Christmas sweetie. “Eat Your Fruitcake” power rocks (kidestyle) the golden-nuggeted double entendre of clearing out the garbage/poop by downing this December dump inducer.

Busting out the Buddy Holly beat, Five Chinese Brothers add musical class to the old “The Fruitcake Song” joke. Regifting is so different than retweeting, don’cha know.

ReduXmas: Dance Like Santa’s Watching

Another sloppy category: a number of songs i used referenced the kind of music, which (for the kids) was the kind of response we might have spasmed to react to this or that genre. I had hoped to find a particular holiday step or routine with each number.

Rock, for example. “Santa’s Rocking Machine” is a great song from Watch Out for Rockets. But it’s rocking the rock, not walking the walk. Still great, just fudging the theme. (Now i can only think about fudgey themes.)

Wait, you thought Santa sambaed? “Santa said, ‘No Samba’” according to Jerry Becker. You might wanna warmup first. It’s pretty frisky; he’s going to change his mind.

What we really want is the latest holiday craze like Girls With Glasses counting out the “Itchy Sweater Shake.” Infectious pop, albeit short.

Where’s the rave tune?! V2A infects us with the “Christmas Day Virus” so that we must all da-da-da-dance!

Or, more basically, Red State Update calls out the moves for “Christmas Dance.” Shake it like you wrapped it. Rock pop. (Watch out for the fake out ending.)

Or, more childsihly, “Rocking Christmas Stockings” from the String Beans. Very easy beat. Very boring kid pop.

Or, more awfully, JossiRossi gives us Something Awful with “Sexy Christmas Dance.” It’s so bad, it’s actually bad.

Or, more ‘comically,’ BenDeLaCrème suggesting “The Nativity Twist.” Na nana na na, crazy little number! Follow that star now! Everybody donkey!