Category: rock

Painful childhood memories contribute to BLUE ALERT rap from Yabba in the syncopated “No Christmas.” So poor, there was no Christmas. Plus which, that’s Santa in blood; I’m killing them raindeers I don’t give a fuck As shot start to spray that 8 year old me. Hard times. Now she rich.

Goo Goo Dolls address the rockabilly to the naughtiest of eight year olds: “You Ain’t Gettin’ Nothin’.” Underage drinking, grand larceny, pet torture… i think 5 to ten would be more appropriate than nothin’. Super cool.

Matt Dorrien uses rose-colored glasses to “Sure Miss Those Days at Christmas.” Sure there was snow and tree shopping, but also Long ago when I was eight I can still remember My parents fought all holiday (All those broken dishes). Ironic easy listening pop.

Matthew West similarly asks Take me back to eight years old (These days Peace on Earth is hard to find). Strangely the pop “Hope of Christmas” is in simple prayer. Do eight-year-olds do it better?

Eight years old and in a wheelchair… in line to see Santa–holy cow! “Santa’s Prayer” by Doc Edwards and the Buffalo River Boys is a plodding country tear-jerker about the coma-bound trucker daddy. Holy Moley Cow!

Now a “Hat Made of Mistletoe” could be a creepy number, but Cody Johnson’s barn-burning fiddling and the childish revelation: Miss Darla, how you sparkle like a shiny new toy, And I know I’m just an eight year old lonesome cowboy leads us to be happy for the little entrepreneur. Yippee-kiss-ya.

Just as sure is the protagonist of Bruce Hornsby’s leader of the tree searching posse song: Such a strong boy could haggle too; Eight years old could arm wrestle you, Fast as a horse and slick as a snake; We’ll make it snappy and won’t be late. But this ragtime rocker becomes “Lost in the Snow,” and this little kid is dying…

Surely all the eight reindeer songs have been posted already! Well, they get the mention in other songs, too.

But there’s The Christmas Notes’ “I Wish Santa Could Play the Banjo.” Bluegrass hollerin’.

And “There Is a Santa Claus” by Heather Noelle Holley. Grating pop.

Also, “I’m Waiting up for Santa Claus,” some boss garage from The Zygomats.

Moreover, Johnny Silverhams amateur raps “I’m Really Santa.”

Then there’s Jeremy Walker’s “Not so Wise Men Anymore“–weird electronic country easy listening.

No to mention “Who is the Real Santa Claus?‘ a slow salsa pop worrier from Richard Melvin Brown.

Which links to his other slurry kidsong “Amos the Little Elf.”

Neither Jesse Reid’s “Soon It Will be (Christmas Day),” a folk rocker.

Additionally, Begonia fingerpops and R+Bs “It Won’t be Christmas (‘Till You’re Here).”

Plus–God help us–the persistent pop of Mariah Carey’s “Oh Santa!“

To say nothing of “Christmas Time of Year” by Betty Anne and Brain Watts. Boot scootin’ country.

Alongside is the plucky folk rock of Swimmers Jackson singing “Christmas is in You Heart.”

Further comes the brassy big band of Jamie Cullum’s “So Many Santas.”

Too, NewLaw’s “It’s Christmas Time.” Driving folk pop.

On the side, we find The Oak Ridge Boys’ “Reindeer on the Roof.” Honky tonk.

On the other hand, Nicky Loves You folk rocks the counting song “8 Reindeer.”

Au reste, Listen & Learn Music’s kidsong counts “The Other Eight Reindeer.”

With all that is Amy Baker’s big jazzy band’s “That Christmas Gift.”

By the same token, Kitty Wells kidsongs her country “Ole Kris Kringle.”

Penultimately, Lil Romeo and Hillary Duff want you to “Tell Me a Story (About the Night Before).” Playful rap.

Finally, Dead Freedom goes double-meaning with the hard rock of “More Balls than a Christmas Tree.” You still there?

For many Xmas is a time of happiness. Can we count how high up this joy? Cloud nine, duh!

In “Christmas Came Early” Peyton Glynn may not be into Christmas that much. I wake up every morning treat it like a holiday, he raps–adding (i suspect only for the rhyme): I’ve been on cloud nine. Sufficient talent, though.

When Brittany Bloom is the present for you she souls out: On cloud nine we’re floating. “A L-O-V-E Christmas” spells it out for you. Diva overboard!

ChrisWoo is feeling it, too. Yeah, I’m on Cloud nine, Your heart’s next to mine, so “This Christmas Feels Right.” R+B flirtation.

Christmas with you, It’s the only thing, puts me on cloud nine, mumbles Gareth Heesom in his bluesy country. But, see, “Christmas Without You” isn’t that.

More speicifically, Spring Lovelle claims, Hot cocoa in a steaming mug keeps us singing and dancing on cloud nine. But “This is Christmas” is that jazzy vapid pop of greeting cards and generic well-wishing. I fell onto cloud seven.

New Found Glory rocks out their need to find the perfect “Christmas Card.” Since you make ’em feel like their on cloud nine they’ll never give up looking. Not for 2:07 anyways. Great shopping music.

Why watch the clock around the holidays? Ask The Federales. They’ll tell “Santa Don’t Stop at the Bar Christmas Eve.” …before you know it you’re waking up in the parking lot at 9am on Christmas morning with the sleigh’s radio on pretty loud… Rockabilly with a little lounge and excellent steel guitar whining.

Deathsex Bloodbath’s “One Christmas Night” is a one-night stand. In the aftermath, all the Xmassy imagery is now naughty. But it’s 9 A.M. and mum expects you… childish garage nudge-nudge.

Nostalgia’s a time-keeper. “Christmas was Better a Decade Ago” is the ponderous pop plodding we get from MAIC: 9 am I open my eyes I see that it is snowing outside; I walk downstairs, I get dressed up, and then i stick my tongue out to the sky–Do u realize it′s all in the past?

Set on an Xmas Eve at 9 when the power cuts out and Dad scrambles to save the night so he sings “Have You Seen My Love?” Drew Dillon pours his heart into this gentle pop showtune.

Will Santa come tonight? I’ll wait all night from nine, belabors Laura Fireball in the laid back pop tune “However Many Christmases.” The accent that makes most of the words sound like over words is autotune.

“Snowfall” by William Hutt is an alt-folk portrait of love and wondering. The city after nine is the best time to observe this.

Wanting December to last forever, Jessey Wyzgowski sashays vocals around some pop folk guitar in “Divine Christmas.” Some fun! Go outside in the snow…Or we’ll stay inside by candlelight Drinking eggnog ’til it’s half past nine.

“Santa Don’t Forget the Whiskey” is the bluesy rap from The Southern Rap Commission. Especially since Liquor stores shut down at nine o’clock tonight. Fun.

But, now: It’s after 9, on the night of Christmas Eve–so it’s time for “Groovy Christmas.” Andrew Cassara mashes up R+B and lame pop. Tweaks more than grooves.

Sleighbells ringing, carol singing, pop a cork of red after 9, ooh, ooh ooh ohh, ooh ooh, maunders Bubblez in the unplugged, overwritten charmer “Bring Out the Wine.” The poetry’s got game, even if the same two chords over and over don’t.

Christmas morning? Don’t oversleep! Get up, get up (it’s twenty-five to nine) Come and see the big surprise, chortle Carlos Fandango Music in “Feel the Magic.” Throat closing Brit-pop.

“Christmas Round at Our House” is full of numbers: midnight, quarter past three… and–Uncle Joe’s been on the lager; He’s been at it since half past nine And now he’s getting flirty with Barbara–She’s the girl who lives at number five. This rocking mess of dysfunctional family and great expectations is more soothing than you might think. John C Evans is a sympathetic songster.

What else is a 10 for Christmas music–?

10 pounds of shit in a three pound bag is a gift possibility for F.B.A. with time running out. BLUE ALERT “All I Got You for Christmas Were These Riffs” is the actual gift. As well as a buttload of complaining, in heavy rock.

Heavy blues from Honey Davis, who is ambivalent about going home for the holidays. I had to stop at the station Put a couple dollars on number ten… but she imagines a head on collision might be better than seeing her babies again. Man, that’s a “Blue Christmas.”

Also losing the thrill, Fruitcakes old through their “10th Christmas Together.” Regretful celebrations. Drunken piano bar caterwauling.

A measure of Christmas Eve’s approach, by Boyzone, is Streets are finally emptying, Ten shutters coming down…. “The Hour Before Christmas” is a self-important piece of dense pop. But it’s sooo pretty.

“Obodo Oyibo Christmas” is a planned African trip to visit family overseas with 10 bags each. Eko the Beat keeps the beat magnificently.

Jake Paul, the self-made celebrity, taunts: We the Team 10 elves, who the hell are frickin’ you? in “It’s Christmas Day Bro.” Rap that tries too hard.

Starshine Singers kidsong in harmony “Shopping Bags.” They got lots! Including 10 CDs.

Jonathan Coulton and Jonathan Reddick have a plan: Look, I couldn’t find a single Teddy Ruxpin anywhere, but they’ll still be just as popular next year And when I find a stash, I’ll buy ten. They’re taking “One Christmas at a Time.” Pop whooping.

The kids want stuff [Bobby wants a ten-speed English racer], But Alan Jackson only wants you to “Just Put a Ribbon in Your Hair” so you’ll be his present. Slow country love song.

In a “California Christmas” The Boxmasters may hang ten. Lotsa word play with this slow rock. Roll with it. [See also “Hang Ten Santa” from Eric Stone for real surf rock.]

Counting down to Xmas may be a matter of minutes….

Drinking to forget, BLUE ALERT at it all, Kind of Like Spitting rails through garage about the frustration of a “Tyco Racing Set and A Christmas Story Fifteen Times.” Isn’t that a level of Hell?

On the first and the fifteenth come the checks, according to Lil Poverty Angels in their electro-rapping “Welfare Christmas Carols.” Can’t buy presents without ’em.

ILLITERATE UPSTARTS ARE TAKING THE LEAD WITH THE RAZZMATAZZ AND ALL THAT JAZZ; FIFTEEN HOURS CLOCKS ARE RUNNING OUT OF STOCK–YOU CAN SAY IT’S A HELL OF A XMAS CASE ! This is a glimpse of Victor Sierra’s rocking steampunk poetry calling out the madness of Merriness: “The Xmas Case.” There’s a rabbit hole up that chimney.

Shooting straight, Eleri Angharad gets lounge-y downbeat with: December the 15th I’m still getting your call And you say that you miss me while you’re decking the hall–The festive feeling got you singing the blues, But I think you’ve forgot who you’re talking to. She’s not “Santa’s Little Helper” after all. Go suck Eggs-mas.

Leo Sayer gets confused Down Under when he notes Well I’m half a mile from Canberra Where it snowed for fifteen minutes–Now it’s gone. That’s like “Christmas in July” down there. Next, Iceland! New age rock.

MxPx rocks out how in Fifteen minutes I’ll be touching down; I’m finally back in town to unpack my bags and settle down. For good or bad, they are “Coming Home for Christmas.” Another chore off the list!

Well, i could do with some more Sufjan Stevens! “Come On! Let’s Boogey to the Elf Dance!” is just about THE perfect-set swirliest of Stevens especially with 21 elves singing.

“The Twenty-First Century Santa Claus Blues” is more than existential. According to Nigel Mooney, it’s burnout–‘cuz everyone is a jerk. Swinging jazz.

Saint Etienne may be ironic wishing us a “21st Century Christmas.” The breathy millennial rock is all–oooh; but the lines about microwaving, toasting, and Thanks Uncle Jimmy Savile, they’re all like–ewww. See?

“Merry Christmas Emily” is a righteous rocker about an almost true love. Cracker beweeps the sad sack’s outcast fate missing out on that 23-year-old under the dead palm tree.

I am 23, she’s 22, observes Eisel in the twang-garage tune “A Goth Girl Christmas.” Sadly he’s BLUE ALERT broke, so this song could be enough (if he’d practice enough).

Megan & Liz are Feeling like a kid when I’m 23 on Christmas Eve; but their sickly sweet pop (country) “Thank God for December” is all millennial and out of breath over such surprising FEELINGS about old beaux, baby albums, and Christ.

At 23, the wisher of Pathseeker (feat. Nick Yung)’s “Wishlist” wants FAME–including the codeine and Kool-Aid, and the untimely end. A true rocker of indecipherable intent. BLUE ALERT, of course.

Gerald LaVert has the R+B blues. See, he had a fight with his baby on the 21st. Now it’s the 23rd, the day before Christmas Eve See, she called me on the phone at six She won’t be seeing me. Crooning and swooning, howling and growling, he tries to wrap his head around “Christmas Without My Girl.” Guess he’ll have Christmas without my dignity.

Trauma Cat also outlines the epiphany at the age of 23, but it rocks out the disbelief of “There’s No Such Thing (A Holiday Song).” Slightly blue, but all in on growing out of childish notions. Still, a blast.

Twisted Insane raps the bad news in “December 24th.” Despite holiday wishes he doesn’t leave any proof or witness. So, don’t get any ideas.

Collaborateurs reasons that everyone who’s up at 11 P.M. on “December 24th” is miserable together, but it’s the best they’ll ever feel. Ethereal pop.

Fed up with the hype Final Essay points out there’s “No Snow in Louisiana” with some hard rock gusto. Imagery includes: December 24th Louisiana’s dressed in shorts.

“Christmas Spirit (24 Hours in A&E)” is a mystifying melange of mentions and less-than-merry musings about the Mass o’ Christ. The Family Baloo give much music but few codebreaking hints. Jazzy but quiet rock.

Even worse is the road trip that begins on Dec. 24th and doesn’t seem to end. Corrida flavored rock from Jesús Villa tells of boredom, hunger, and loss of faith in “Christmas in the Back Seat.” Epic.