Category: R&B

Annie & Ben trample ‘Jingle Bells’ to sketch an amusing descent into chaos at the North Pole. “Wake Up Santa” they hail, hoping Daddy will set things straight. Kidsong blight.

Bud Kirsch’s lugubrious “Wake Up Santa” slows the roll call with country crawling pop. Neither the angel Gabriel nor the elves can do it. Threats are made.

Grampa rock from Ashford calls out “Santa Wake Up!! Wake Up Santa!” Off key shot calling from some armchair Claus.

“Wake Up Santa Claus” is equally atonal, but the big band backing Clarence Daniels covers for a lot of warbling.

Another diamond-in-the-rough novelty gem, “Santa’s Funky Wake-Up Call” by Rick Quarles (The Singing Science Teacher) does indeed get funky. He may have saved Christmas. Uh-oh, he didn’t!

Look to the skies! (when looking for Santa) advises Karl Vrålstad with new age country in “Ringing for Christmas.” Takes itself pretty seriously, but it’s pretty serious stuff.

Kidstuff from bickerers Scott and Mia Staton who pop out “Hey Hey Santa” to get his attention Christmas Eve. Cute and annoying at the same mo’.

Life-size Aussie dinosaur puppets churn out the pop “Magical Christmas.” Let’s all look out for the sleigh, they recommend, along with other chores. Kidsongs do that.

“Funky Sleigh Ride” from Chris Meijer and Carl-Johan de Neergaar (feat. Pia Bergler, Alexander Larsson & Stina Meijer) gets the funky beat down, but the order not just to look out for, but Watch Out For S.C. rankles a bit. Danger, Goodwill Robinson!

Dedicated to all those up past their bedtimes, “It’s Christmas Time Again” is family-friendly rap from Tyler Van Den Berg. It’s a whole show.

Kelly Clarkson has reasons to be up late: I need your arms now /Wrap me up all night long in the R+B stormer “You for Christmas.” So not sleeping with–?

Less obvious, Courtney Lashelle claims she “Don’t Need Christmas” so long as she got you. Up all night I stay awake/Playing our favorite song, she R+B purrs… then soul shouts later to get your attention. Yes?

Catherine Pittman tries for the olde-timey operetta in “A Mother’s Christmas Dream.” Too loud to be a lullaby, too boring to be a dream.

Enya New Ages “Dreams are More Precious” to put you in an hallucinatory mood. What day is this?

“A Christmas Sort of Dream” from We Know, Plato! explores the minutiae of the holidays with retro pop fancifulness. Some fun.

When you’re all I want for Christmas, then you’re my “Christmas Dream.” Thus reasons Ivan Tolbert (feat. Tyler Stone, Ashton Cash, August Royal & D. Ella Flowers) with finger popping R+B. You don’t have to be asleep for this dream, but you might wanna sleep WITH her.

What else can we do in bed Xmas Day?

Hey Monea! pop down the fun with “Christmas in Bed.” They don’t need the snow to show them where their lips should go. (?!?)

Eliza Doolittle also wants to spend “Christmas in Bed.” This time the finger poppin’ R+B smooves the innuendo into a rocking rhythm (not rolling, just rocking).

Even more “Christmas in Bed” from Jade Novah soulsters the R+B back into romantic realms. But, when she says she doesn’t need any gift wrapping in bed… am i reading too much into that?

Christmas stocking troubleshooting certainly involves technical issues, but can deal with overall seasonal hiccups as well.

The Martial Arts key into ’70s hard synth (pop verging on punk) to cry out heartbreak in their flaming “Stockings.” I’m doing the slide! I’m about to pogo!

“Stockings Hung by the Fireplace” according to Goiter incur one significant problem. Experimental weirdness.

Trouble in paradise in the form of “Stockings,” a wonderful retro pop-sterpiece from How to Swim. He feels abandoned, but rhymes that with no longer companions. Fun.

Those Death by Disco boys commiserate with hard rocking in “Hang Up Your Stocking.” Yeah, I know we’re through.

Shylo’s “Broken on Christmas” has a wish, but hanging the stockings gives no relief. You’re not here. R+B catastrophe.

Grownups want stockings filled as well!

C’mon back! Guns of Nevada funk up the American rock/country with a bottom line demand: “Liquor in My Stocking.”

Lynn Cornell hits a 1960 sweet spot with …not exactly RnR …not exactly R+B …not exactly big band pop …but exactly “Xmas Stocking.” It’s like a love song and a Christmas song had a baby …in a stocking.

The Men resort to begging (Santa) for their “Christmas Stockings.” R+B piano lounge list out their wishes: girls. And common sense.

Cozy up!

“Fireplace” by Sam Shrieve is pop on a romantic creep. All he wants for the holidays is you by the fireplace. Willingly? Doesn’t say.

Piano lounge from Benton Stokes looks forward to “Sitting by the Fire with You.” Sentimental fool.

“Sittin’ by the Fire (With My Dear)” is the repetitive calliope of a love song from Fruitcakes. Is it hot in here?

Deconstructivistically, The Non Traditionals soothingly croon about the need for a “Forest in My Chimney” to make the fire possible. So–those burning things… used to be trees?

Simile from Endiamonds slurs the indie pop of “You’re Like A Fireplace.” A smoke show, i reckon.

The cast of ‘Naughty… But Nice’ R+B about the “Fireplace Man.” He’s the almost unseen man on the TV version, but still seductive.

Does the fire scare you? Come closer–

Taken aback, the group Christmas! demand Santa “(Get The F​*​ck Back) Up The Chimney.” BLUE ALERT for their overreaction to an expected scenario.

“Comin’ Down your Chimney” by Orifice DeathFuck is a metal scattershot of abusive threats and shrieking. If that’s your thing. BLUE ALERT

What’s scaring me is Goiter’s “Stockings Hung by the Fireplace.” This experimental indie is light of tone and short of breadth. Yet, like a dentist’s drill, it does seem never to end.

HorrorScene’s “Chimney Creeping” wishes you Merry Christmas Baby amidst the echoic Prince impressions and R+B swirling. But, deeper inside, the threat becomes real.

Get on with it! Santa, hit the bricks!

Johnny Awesome and the Elves hard metal “Comin’ Down the Chimney Tonight” with a simple HO! HO!–HO! HO!–HO! HO! Let gravity take its course, St. Nick!

Cosimo sirens “Down The Chimney” as a hurry up and get to me missive for Ol’ Red. This syncopated pop insists rather aggressively.

“Santa, I Have One Request to Make” countries The Jolliest Elf (Tyra Madison) and it’s about that chimney mess he’s gonna make. Wait, are sooty footprints a problem? Do i need a vacuum?

Cabana Man tropically teases “Come on Out da Chimney.” Careful, a watched pot belly never toils.

“Get on Down That Chimney” funks out Holidelic. Badunkadunk. To. The. Point.