Year-round Yuletide oddities
Again: Jack Douglass returns with the definitive gainsay “Santa Ain’t Real (So Grow the Hell Up.” Popsy dopsy, but this time tweaked beyond belief.
Blake Foster & The LTF Nonbelievers try to Dylanize the sentiment with their “Santa Claus Ain’t Real.” Seems cuter this way.
The Damned play with the words in their punk “There Ain’t No Sanity Claus.” Wasn’t that a Marx Brothers bit?
Remember 2021 when i posted “On This Beautiful Christmas Day” when Tiny Dancer begs to stay in bed? Big Eazy offers to smack ‘im upside the head to get the sluggard about. Classy kidsong rock that bears repeating.
Sliding from lullaby into alarm clock settings, “Wake Me on Christmas” is Christmas Kids Cottage slinging country pop and pretty harmony into utility.
Eraserheads solve the problem by hollering punk “Rise and Shine” so that everybody will shag shag shag. (And get presents, too?)
Size matters with gifts and stockings and nuclear attacks….
“(Christmas Greeting) Little Christmas Stocking” is the subject and the addressee of this bossa nova skit by The Rupars. Easy listening with high hopes.
Heck let’s just randomize the tunes; so what about this Dan Allaby brass scatter-plot: “Christmas Stocking“? What’s this neo-jazz nonsense all about?
Who gets a little stocking? You do! Yes, you do! “My Dog & Me on Christmas” is uke pop fun from Leslie Mosier. (The little stocking is for the little dog. You got that, right?)
Punk doesn’t truck in no stinkin’ stockings. “I Wear My Leather Jacket at Christmas” is about all Department of Creative Affairs cares about. Yeah, okay, it’s not ABOUT stockings. But we needed an angry UK tune that mentioned them.
Launch Kontrol might overenunciate for the genre, but “My Name Is Santa and I’m a Punk Rocker” sells it. He’s like the glamdad you never had.
Third Earth’s “My Name is Santa Claus” adds some hand clapping jug band to pop rock, which results in twisty fun.
Robert McCormick’s “I’m Santa Claus” begins with a ‘Silver Bells’ accusation, but finally rolls into a full confession. Odd.
Johnny & The Raindrops list out the chores aspirationally in the retro rock “There are Lots of Things to Do When You’re a Santa.” Almost not worth it.
Pom Pom Squad’s deliciously camp over amped punk “Hello Santa Claus” introduces old 12/25 as a partier (And I don’t give presents to cops!). Tune in!
Lil Kringle gently brings the rap with “Bitch I’m Santa.” He’s not mad, he’s just Santa.
PMP SLIM R+Bs his rap with his “Bitch I’m Santa.” Some rules, but–chill. ‘Kay?
Wyatt Pirtle’s “Bitch I’m Santa” is more offensive, but kiddie style rap. No Blue.
“Bitch I’m Santa” by Leekjaymusic is more misogynistic rap. Original style.
PIG PEN goes metal/punk with the rude-ass “I’m Santa Claus (And I’m Bangin’ Your Mom).” Adult situations, but no actual blue alert language. Did you see ’em?
Worth repeating: Fathead’s “Santa’s Drunk” celebrates as much as it chastises with some Motown blues. Danceable.
Greg & Brian take the POV of some assembly line elf who goes “Drinkin’ with Santa.” Daredevil hi jinx ensue in this honky tonking pop mess.
John Vosel & the Party Crashers also represent the elf contingent with the catch-all complaint “Santa Claus Blues.” It deals with bad gifts, drunkenness, and perversity. But it’s the blues. Whaddya goin’ ta do?
BearRon spins “An Unbelievable Santa Story” through gentle folk spoken word meandering. Yet this dream-like traipsing only begins with a drunken Santa (probably fake). Where it goes is pure enlightenment.
Brock Armstrong parodies Avril Lavigne with “A Complicated Christmas.” It’s a bitchfest against S.C. (Drink, smoke, cry!–wotta mess!)
The Missile Toads rage through punk about what a loser The Expected One has become. “Santa’s a Boozer” is the problem. Oi!
Primate Punk’s “Rudolph the Mohawked Reindeer” is pretty much what you suppose. Kid-friendly punk. Apart from one Santa stomping.
“Santa Claus Has Dreadlocks” fools around with a Carrib-beat, but Eric Stone is just kidding. Apart from one smoky trail or two.
Monsters from the Surf much improve on the theme with appropriate punk in “Santa’s Got a Mohawk.” See the difference in artistic integrity?
Nerf Herder lets their punk flag fly for the drolly hilarious “Santa Has a Mullet.” Business in the front, party in the hat.
For the Second Amendment, my government gave to me… the means of overpowering all bad things (segue from last month!!) with violence and grievous bodily harm. Guns have a troubled history. Are they just handheld cannons? Did they ruin Samurai culture? Do they taint everything America has ever done? Will they make the ideal holiday gift?
Part of my Christmas Lists theme of 2016 included this medley:
A gun – The Vandals with more punkish punk. Ian Yo Yo Yo (Jib Jab Brothers) go urban for the Red Ryder Rifle. (Still preferable to the ‘Christmas Story’ musical version.) Best of the range is Roy Zimmerman’s “Buy War Toys for Christmas.” Made Demento famous by The Twang.
Also previously posted was Seth McFarlane’s American Dad “I Want a Gun for Christmas.” The irony!
But there’s so much more! Granted much of it is lame, or low caliber (hint for level of humor), like Rocky Mountain Mike’s “The Christmas Gun Nut Song.” This Chipmunk parody seems to cut off before the shooting starts.
One of my favorite ‘sides’ is Wall of Voodoo’s “Shouldn’t Have Given Him a Gun for Christmas.” Post Punk with an unflinching backbeat. Call the news.
Country with real twang is the foundation for Company of the Steel Hound’s “Worst Christmas Ever.” Jobless, alone, paranoid… it doesn’t get much worse, i reckon.
Town Bike’s “[It Should’ve Been] The Worst Christmas Ever” includes illness, turkey outages, and snowlessness. But, there IS a bae handy.
Static Cadets garage band like kids when they offer the “Worst Christmas Yet.” This self loathing seems to infect Xmas more than be caused by it.
Men with Ven’s “Worst Christmas Ever” involves bad alcohol, food, and family. It’s sing-along Brintpunk fun, however, so–okay.
Colleen McNutt takes a moment to fun-up ‘Coming to Town’ with a “Doomsday Christmas Carol.” It’s what the internet’s for.
“It’s Christmas Doomsday” is one of those fooling around in the music room rambles by Michael Ambrozic & Friends. No worlds were ended in the singing of this electronica.
Jeweled Snakes synth punk their message of… uhm, being fed up? in the danceable “Doomsday Holiday.” Pack for bad weather.