Year-round Yuletide oddities
Now that we’re afraid of the home invader who judges your worth, let’s beg “Don’t Kill Me, Santa.” Or better yet, let’s have The Oh Wells do it for us.
Let their millennial pop (love that trombone!) carry you to a land of paranoid sugar plums dancing in your head. Perhaps they’re no Seafood Mama, but they’ve got a great club presence.
Slamming guitar and heavenly harmonies from Ebeneezer Pop and the Scrooges gives us retro British Invasion style jingle. It also suffers from pontifically illustrated videography. “Santa Claus was Dead” may haunt you with its musical skill, but i doubt it’ll trouble your immortal soul.
Here’s the CLASSIC! s-word song (as made famous on the terrific John Waters Christmas compilation) (NOT the bleeped version on radio shows nationwide)!
Rudolph & Gang “Here Comes Fatty Claus.”
Well, this is a sweet one. Because the hectic holidays are a time of love and the pressure’s really on to make the day count, 12/25 can result in a frustrating and expletive-laden fiasco of just-missed mistletoe moments. Shit!
Kailen Beitel and Chris K Payne act and sing Rob van de Meer and Yfke Berckelaer’s ode to modern romance: “Shitty Christmas.” Can i get an awww!
Now that we’re in the realm of obscenity, we need to realize bodily functions are so taboo that their mere mention indicates wrongness. So shit don’t just mean shit. It means unwanted presents; it means trouble i don’t want to deal with; it means lies.
Not all of us are ready to use the S word, so some will settle for ‘crap’ and You Know What I Mean. (I can remember back in the 1970s when a local radio station bleeped out that euphemism in the Paul Simon song ‘Koda Chrome.’)
Some tender up the word like a turd: “Don’t Give a Crap about Christmas” by Noodles and Ole play the sped up chipmunks bit to make the dirty word funny. Their satire is tiring and too apologetic, though.
So, in order to get in the spirit of angry hard usage enjoy Patsy Hoolahan’s singing toilet and “I Won’t Take Crap for Christmas.”
A softer movement from the Hilton Family.
These Vancouver (B.C.) partiers know how to entertain. And even better, how to connect Christmas, for J.C.’s sake, to yellow snow. I can’t find much about them apart from their Youtube channel, so good luck tracking down their albums.
But please shake it twice, zip it carefully, and listen up to The Ded Beats’ “Peesing in the Snow.”
The Disney Channel spews out fun/funny kids shows like a St. Bernard does his slobber. One wackadilly from 2011 (and going strong) concerns the music career ups and downs of teen best bandies Austin (Ross Lynch) and Ally (Laura Marano).
If you deign to study the video note the presence of audience members… without the context of their eight-year-old adulation this is harmonious horseplay. Ridickio.
So: Austin and Ally with “I Love Christmas.”
Russ Crowley duoed up with Kenny Hausmann in ’09. They have gone onto form In2it, and are a bit more rock. And i feel the rock here, but this is toe tapping’ finger snapping’ bubble gum. Tell me you love me!
Tommy James was plucked from obscurity when DJs started playing his ‘Hanky Panky.’ He went on to produce, like the Shondells (‘I Think We’re Alone Now’).
But he couldn’t stop. In the ’70s he tried country (didn’t everyone?). In 2008 he tried a comeback with the surviving members of the Shondells. The album was I Love Christmas. And our less than listenable tune here is “I Love Christmas.” Sometimes the love of the season is amor qua amor.