Pop rock infiltrated hipster and class struggling revolters as soon as it started, so the scared middle class could feel in fashion.
Check out the big band safety Benny-Lee & The Ken Tones supply with the “Rockin’ and Rollin’ Santa Claus.” Strictly for the schmo from Kokomo.
There’s always room for bubblegum. Gary Glitter swamps up disco, bebop, and country for his “Another Rock and Roll Christmas.” Is he singing or heaving?
Retro Aussies ‘Ol 55 sneak a touch of boogie woogie soul into over-electricalated over-drummed “Rockin’ Xmas.” Little lateral move needed for this dance, just bopping in place would be fine.
Mambo is one of those great dances named for the music, like disco. It may have been hatched down south in the ’30s, but no one cared until the big band concerts, movies, and radio shows of the ’40s made us Cuba-crazy.
Sadly most Merry mambo tunes simply torture old standards with a salsa beat. But this is such primal music it has generated a few original songs.
Billy May with the Orchestra capitalize on the fun with “Rudolph Mambo.” While not technically a song, the few interjections: ‘What the heck is the ma-ambo!’ jazz up this swinging ballroom routine.
“We Wanna See Santa Do the Mambo” by Big John Greer picks up its feet and moves surprisingly gracefully across the turntable. This is doo wop done mambo.
“Mambo Santa Mambo” has become an important December dance tune, The Enchanters deliver a perfectly passable paso doble version. The Bobs whoop and groan through every maneuver, but keep it light hearted and lively.
For full club flavor sample Cabaret Diosa keeping a bongo beat with “Merry Mambo Christmas.” Ay Santa!
El Timbo may tug at your heart strings, however, with his poor childhood Christmasses warmed only by the mambo. “Mambo Christmas” tells a story with funny voices, two languages, and an odd pop-electronic beat. Beat that.
If out of work, Santa could pick up some training at the local community college, i’m sure.
But the consequences could be dire–
Herein lies the lesson: Casey McKinnon warns of the resulting nihilism often resulting from liberal arts classes in her bouncy fun pop tune: “Santa is an Atheist.” Well, he didn’t start out as one but, see, what happened…
It’s a pretty sad and lame joke that since Santa services kids, it’s not oral or anal–so, thank you Sigmund, it’s sexual.
Not much novelty gold to mine here, but there are lumpy nuggets to chew.
A lagubrious Karl Speegle moans his carol “Santa is a Pedo” as if he’d lost a bet.
Moving on, we may have touched upon Andy Dick’s “Santa’s Yule Log” earlier. It’s so wigged out creepy though that i need to inflict it upon you ‘gain.
Culturcide celebrates Santa’s perversity with an ambiguous age difference between Sinter Klass and the subject(object) of his affection in “Santa Claus was My Lover.” Is the love underaged? or just May/Dec? And hey. kids, we don’t really encourage the plagiarism of karaoke machinery to write your music, but a Michael Jackson song just writes its own parody here.
Best on parody here would have to be the squirmy take on The Kinks’ ‘Lola’ “Santa” by Joel Kopischke. This gets creepier the more genius it gets. I think it’s gay-consensual, but it may also be a crime. Can’t really tell.
Old Dr. Demento discovery Barnes and Barnes present their perverse pop present “I Had Sex with Santa.” This also is not necessarily felonious, but the insoucient joy (“…and then I had a beer!”) and naive frivolity of this act leads one to darkness analogous.
Bob Rivers’ take on this is the classic Springsteen turn on ‘Coming to Town’ with his parody “Santa Claus is Fooling Around.” Classic comedy (and i do mean OLD).
More outraged (and rightly so) come The Mistreats and the punk screaming fit “Santa Stole My Baby.” Vent along if it’s happened to you, too.
Gotta hear the blues, though. Bobby Parker gets angsty with “Sandy Claw Stole My Woman.” It’s painful, that’s what it is (not the guitar).
Here Comes the Mummies do a word-jazz heavy number on that Fat Tub of Goo with “Secret Santa.” That’s is one merry mo-fo you should not let down your chimney when she‘s home. Great fun video, but this may not be about Santa after all.
Best party music for your girl getting’ birddogged by Babouschka is “Santa’s Beard” by They Might Be Giants (not a remake of The Beach Boys), a real crowd pleasing stomp in honor of jealousy and heart-broken-ness.
Okay, chicks dig the sleigh, but in his off duty hours, doesn’t it jive that Father Christmas is riding that hog low and slow through town, giving every little girl and boy visions of chopper burns. Get out of his way if you know what’s good for you!
The Rocking Scoundrels give us a “Sidecar Santa” with a hard-driving electric rhythm and a dash of rockabilly. Sons of Advent ride!
“A Harley Davidson Christmas Song” by Richard Steel Hemingway adds hard country rock to some odd mumbling about that weird old beard-o with the motorcycle. It’s lulling me to sleep….
More fun is a ditty posted by Texas Outdoor and Motorcycle Roads club. It’s uncredited and of poor sound quality, but “Biker Santa” is a moral tale of misjudging a man by his leathers–country western style. A flashback to the ’70s.
Tony Vosik & The Kids nail the awkward-rhythm of novelty music (off-key electric piano, lackluster back ups) better with “Santa on a Motorcycle.” You may be singing (in order to drown them out) and swaying (from nausea), but you’ll be glad when it’s over.
What’s it mean to be a pimp? Frontin’ for the ho ho hos? Running the whole dang show like a master mack daddy? Pimpin’ is bein’ in charge. Leave it to Sleigh Boss.
Louna Maroun & RefugeFromReno claim only that he’s a ladies man when they outline his proclivities in “Santa Claus: P.I.M.P.” but they sing it so party-time i gots to give it to ’em.
The Broadlawn Posse motown up their hip hop for a melodic melt down on “Pimp Daddy Santa.” Good and bad girls are covered.
But, in our reggae styling Determine determines that “Santa Pimp” is merely a hard man not to be messed with. Or he’s not real.
Our friends from Saturday Night Live have also determined that the godfather of naughty is ol’ “Sump’n Claus.” With awesome power (and cash) he rewards the naughty, by means of his own code of rap rules.
Clever clever Mistletones pay homage to blaxploitation with “Chimney Shaft.” Shut yo mouf.
Michael Tolcher has the skinny though. In his ballad “Santa is a Pimp” we learn how the magic of Christmas Day rolls easily off his mighty mighty gloved fingers. That’s the power of pimpin’. Listen for the last line of proof and you too will believe.
Orange is not much associated with winter, it being all autumnally marked. But it should be the color of the roaring yule log in the heart-warming hearth.
And it is the color of those things you (used to) get in the Christmas stockings (treats because they were rare for this time of year). Old El Vez will walk you through the idea with his low class family recounting “Orange for Christmas.” It only seems depressing, until you hear the catch in his vocals.
Let’s return to those thrilling days of post-9/11! Chuck Varesco has a dated bit o’ funny about the alerts and state of fear malingering in the air even at our special time of year: “Code Orange Christmas.” Sing-a-long with the bouncing Dick Cheney head.
So let’s make some fun of those rascally rat-catchers! While Garfield, Heathcliff, Sylvester, and Hobbes have no notable carols about themselves…Grumpy Cat (and friends) sing about the travails of being good for Santa in “It’s Hard to be a Cat at Christmas.” Since this is Friskies sponsored, mostly they are forbearing and petable. Yeah, right.
I can’t abide animal sounds morphed into words/carols to humorous effect (though i do own the albums). So let’s just say Talking Kitty Cat is passable while singing “I Don’t Give a Damn about Christmas.” The lengthy skit set up is somewhat helpful. I liked the song more.
Another previously famous cat, Stimpy, is terribly disgusting with his holiday rendition of “Cat Hairballs” to the tune of ‘Jingle Bells.’ Parts can be the worst.
More aggressively “The Kitty Ate the Tinsel On the Christmas Tree“–a confessional sung by the Marty Gold Children’s Chorus like they’re facing down a school auditorium full of beaming, filming parents. Seems like a self correcting problem, eventually.
Apocalyptically, “The Yule Cat” eats naughty children for Christmas. You may learn the legend and the dread courtesy of The Hull Soul Collective. Or you can garage rock to Mozart Rottweiler with Sinister Undertones also revelling in this Icelandic traditional saga.
Back home, Shorty ond Kodi get precious and mean (appropriately cat-like) with their “I’m Climbing up the Christmas Tree Neow” complete with dopily adorable videos and sfx.
Ever Since “A Visit from St. Nicholas,” what’s it been now–like 95 years? mice figure prominently into the season’s greetings. But C. Clement Moore suggested they shut their holes.
Instead they sing/are sung to.
Seriously, celebrities get behind these.
Check out Debbie Reynolds and Donald O’Connor with “Chrissy the Christmas Mouse.” This is what good boys and girls listened to.
Apparently the little guy (disease carrying rodent) helping the big guy (St. Nick) is what it’s all about. “Santa Mouse” may be familiar to more of you–he got a gift for Santa! Burl Ives does his regally laconic version and it’s a real lesson. Bob Morrison updates this with rollickin’ pop flute. Now i can do the frug! But, it you want to really swing, let’s drop in of Jerry Vale (he of ‘Ciao, Ciao, Bambina’, ‘Arrivederci, Roma’, and ‘Volare’ fame) and really mellow down to the beat “Santa Mouse.”
