Year-round Yuletide oddities
The future was ours in the ’80s with pagers and home videogames and… the telefacsimile. Now, like in Star Trek, messages could be beamed through wires to be recreated onto what seemed like paper for a lucky recipient miles away. Only a dollar five per page at the Kinkos to get that info to your landlord–don’t forget the cover sheet.
Some 1990s school assembly song touted this wild technology with pop dance party disco in “Fax the Facts.” It’s not your father’s letter to Santa!
Once we have computers, we have all the troubles of the world.
“The Grinch Hacked Santa’s Computer” claim Lil Poverty Angels with their stream of Christmas-ness rap improv.
“Santa Claus’s Files have been Hacked by the NSA” by Funny Once is the song you expect, not the song you deserve. Tired pop metal.
Computing devices have been around since the Bible (when was that?!), but the electro-version that has become our beneficent overlord kicks out in the 1930s (thanks, WWII). Most every bit of tech we will concern ourselves with in our little timeline hereafter is some weird descendant of this mechanical thinking apparatus. So let’s sing!
Brian Gari admits “I Want a Computer for Christmas” with retro shu-bop rock naming all the components, cuz it’s funnier that way.
Joe Algeri has a precious folk/pop ode to “Computer Xmas.” I dig the dial-up intro, psychedelic outro, and can’t-turn-off-the-drum-machine interlude. Dynamite stuff.
Not precisely a means of wishing Merry Christmas, the splitting of the atom still added a chilly air to all humankind. At least o couple of songs celebrate this big bother for the holidays.
Oh, sure, there’s ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic with the 1986 novelty standard “Christmas at Ground Zero.” This jump jazz still holds up the humor standard even after excessive plays.
Perhaps you could try the nihilistic minimal pop of Goop, instead. “Nuclear Xmas” is the Devo-tastic tune that electronically gets us bobbing and clapping to Armageddon. ‘Nuff said.
Where would Christmas be without television? In the home, individual, special. Instead, we have the homogenized milky white dreams that all see when we close our eyes. Ahh, America.
Oh, i’ve supplied you with Xmas on TV type songs before. There’s always a couple more….
The Skootles point out (with alt-jingle bell) that “Christmas on TV” is not the same as reality. It’s rather soothing, think i’ll just turn my mind off for a minute–
Justin Lacy serenades us in that’s-not-quite-english folk with a hope for better. He wants a “Christmas on TV” then it’ll all be better. Then he woke up.
We may have touched upon Christmas cards last time, but it was the authoring of such. Now let’s deal with Gutenberg’s great grandchildren.
I Greyhound (and others) get together and relive the ’90s with their growly blues rap “Christmas Catalogue Blues.” There was a time when the mailbox at the curb was full of junk, not just your emailbox. This is good stuff.
Captain Sensible, co-founder of UK punk band The Damned, stretched out solo style to hit with a cover of the ’40s tune ‘Happy Talk,’ followed a couple years later with “One Christmas Catalogue.” (Only No. 79 on the Brit charts.) This actually, very gently, criticizes consumerism with sprightly pop music. A Something Awful contributor Adnachiel parodied this at s-l-o-w speed.
Some Christmas party songs don’t address the party animal in the room, they ARE the animal. When you listen you are enveloped in party vibes.
Red-x Chesta is laying down non-stop dubs with a “Christmas Party” that pingpongs the beat with the pulse of the party. (He’s usually BLUE ALERT but i don’t get that here.)
The other kind of rap rolls out from Ru Paul with “Christmas Party,” a dance number that autotunes and synthstomps like the best blowouts do. Where the kids at?
The Joe and Glo Experiment noodle around with alt folk pop creating the scene with their “Christmas Party.” Can you hear it?
Even God-fearing uptighties need a social gathering to observe how others festivate.
Justin McGurk and The Boogie Men boogie down with the “Christmas Party” of the year. They’ll be making plans, AND celebrating the birth of Christ. Full plate there.
Tara Lett whitens up the “Christmas Party” by ‘making the living room a dance floor.’ She goes about as wild as she can. Hint: there won’t be much clean-up afterwards. Limp pop rock.
Some parties stink of uncoolness.
The Withers score with more up-to-the-minute pop parodies in their “Christmas Party.” BLUE ALERT it threatens your attendance.
Yet the promises of ‘jello, red angry jello’ make us consider it–even if we’re the only ones to show up. Please follow the bouncing Santa into Koo Koo Kang Roo’s “Please Come to My Christmas Party” to see for yourself. It’s synthed retro pop, so dress accordingly (elf suit!).
Apart from family (and Jesus), the big deal on the Christmas calendar is the get-together, the todo, the bash, the celebration for all the peoples you’re supposed to remember the names of. And for excessive drinking. And introducing everyone to your id. Oops.
XTC has a pop party intro “Countdown to Christmas Party Time,” here offered in full length demo-mode. Invitations, instructions, intentions… they’re all here.