Category: show tune

The Winter Failure puts out a Christmas Album every year. I thought i hit pay dirt when i found The Winter Failure Musical, but it turned out to be a colorful story about Roger’s quest for love OR a career (he gets neither). The songs in-between the funny narrated bits are modern standards (“All I Want…“??), however, so more of a revue than a musical.

I will instead rely on P.S. It’s Christmas, an original high concept album about a human named Grizzly abducted by an alien named Far-Naz (for short) (“Dear Grizzly I” explains some with a showtune/kidsong kick). After returning to Earth, they write songs to each other daily (“Dear Grizzly VI“–a dance indie), bros helping bros with romantic tips (vulnerably alt: “Gosh I Hope She Calls“… in response Far-naz offers to crater her in the rocking “Dear Grizzly III“) and other existential crises (the big folk music ask: “Why“). [Some of these songs have appeared on the blog afore.] The folksy indie approach surprisingly adds to the sentimentality of friendship (“I Can’t Wait!”). It’s Xmas totes adorbs especially in the new age “Dear Grizzly VII” where the alien spots Santa! I’d see this if it were ever staged!

Notice has been had on the ‘Nativity!’ series of movie musicals beforehand. But in 2017 a staged musical was put on the boards retelling that story of battling primary school pageants (the posh vs. the public). Guess who’ll win the contract to be made into a movie! (No one, that was a lie.)

Plagued with multitudinous tiny voices reverberating in ‘harmony,’ the best of the over two dozen pop & rock songs feature soloists and their inner struggles. “My Very First Day at School” for example. On the other stage left, however, “Our School Nativity” is a series of audacious auditions with sob stories (like in ‘A Chorus Line’), followed by the resentful, regretful “Dear Father Christmas” in which the kids heartfeltedly wish for better roles. The kids’ show, finally, is skippable. Before then the “Herod! The Rock Opera” is but a smattering of screaming, but the borrowed Andrew Lloyd Webber guitar riff sells it for me. Another quickie, “Review,” caught my ear, as the most horrible man in town savages the public school’s previous unassuming attempt. Yowza.

Let’s get nuts. Songs are the backbone of my blogging, but they’re also the spine of the musician, the vertebrae of the album structure, and the central nervous adjunct of the on-stage musical. I’ve been in a dither lately when I resisted someone foisting the Star Trek musical episode soundtrack on me, claiming i wasn’t a fan of musicals. But that’s like NOT being a fan of music. There’s good and there’s bad. [Granted, here on the blog, i always include good and bad songs together… but i’ll snarkily judge for y’all.]

Musicals are an expression of story: full of character development, plot twists, setting context, and philosophical outcome. Then there’s book and score. One group is an excuse for the other. For our purposes, the songs matter more.

[I’ve stumbled over many a musical during my years of sampling so we’ll revisit some songs, but we’ll avoid all the Hallmark mistakes that toss in a number or two, and all the church/school jamborees for the 2nd grade performers, as well as the BIG SHOWS like ‘Holiday Inn’ and all those TV specials you know inside and out {For a much better blog about those see: ChristmasTVHistory.com}.]

To begin with, the tragedy of the Rouse Simmons (‘the Christmas Ship’) has broken wave before on the blog… but Chicago boasted a seasonal run of “The Christmas Schooner” for twelve years beginning in 1996. Set in that fateful pre-Wars year of 1912, the troubles with immigration (“That’s America“), poverty (“Song of the Hungry Peasants“), and modern morality (“Loving Sons“) supersede Christmas (“Winterfest Polka“) and the impending shipwreck itself (“Questions“)–the show ends by the final voyage the fictional Molly.

The 1910s Midwesternism of the setting lends itself to an operettic feel for the show. Each number is a warbling/belted out old-timey stretch. The drama of the big success of the first run of trees in “The Christmas Schooner” works well for that. But, i’ll admit a fondness for the suspenseful foreshadowing in “What is It about the Water?” Lots of shouting braided with boys’ choir and journaled angst. And pretty piano, too.

Damning used to be the worst thing you could do, like excommunicating. Now you can say the word in a children’s show. People!

John Bartus sings to his own drummer with “Happy Holidays (My Own Damn Christmas Song).” This is a response to the haters of the term Holidays. Don’t act like I shot your dog. Fun lite rock.

Suffering from post-present depression, Olivia Dolphin piano bars “This Damn Christmas.” Seems to be missing you.

Sylvester the Cool Cat (our new Garfield?) also jazz bands the showtune “I Don’t Give a Damn About Christmas.” Anti-X… until the end.

Sheol, Gehenna, and Hades get name dropped in the Bible, but Hell arrives centuries later as taken from Old Germanic. It’s not as old as God. It’s a human thing. We need it. But do we need it… for Xmas?

Smiling Friends from Adult Swim has a brief ditty about “Christmas in Hell.” The jazzy pop is so light that they sing Aitch – Ee – Double Ell.

Why can’t every day be like “Christmas in Hell” goes the caffeinated pop of Young Satan. Careful what you curse for.

Softshoe jazz-time from Tennis Elbow welcomes you to “Christmastime (In Hell).” Politics are mentioned.

“Christmas In Hell” is where These Stains Are Who I Am discover themselves at an importune time. Spanky showtune for those who want to clap along with their ultimate and very detailed misfortune. Hee hee.

Full disclosure, the ‘Jolly Roger, the Christmas Pirate’ short musical theatre bit is only the last part of Bah & The Humbugs’ album Another Christmas Ruined. It begins with Santa (in disguise) questioning young Jenny about what she wants to Xmas in “The Only Thing on Jenny’s List.” Things turn ugly.

This causes Santa to question his raison d’etre. His existential crisis is summed up in the solo “I’m Not Obsessive.”

“The Spirit of Christmas Presents” haunts the haunted Santa to explain what is what. The moral of the song is: strength in numbers.

Out of the blue, pirates (“Jolly Roger and his Chorus of Pirates”) arrive–with a deal. They need help with the delivery of jacked booty. The waters are too hot these days.

The booty? “All You Need is Rum.” And it’s for Santa! (Boy, are the elves happy!)

Seeing his shot, Santa challenges Jolly Roger to an arm wrestling match–in the song “Arms”–as to who delivers Christmas presents!

The sponsor “Northern Lights” beer interrupts the longish match with an elvish commercial.

Spoiler alert–Santa wins. He’s “The North Pole Champ.” Elf dogpile!

Santa is so relieved not to be the target this holiday, he’s having “The Merriest Christmas of All.” What a party.

Jolly Roger gets his training from Santa in “The Tao of the Sleigh.” Apparently any monkey can do this, with the massive tech on Santa’s sleigh. The gifts will almost deliver themselves. Saying Ho Ho Ho, however, eludes him.

The actual story is just the postscript here: JR delivers, faces down the scary Jenny, and succeeds (and takes whiskey as well as cookies). Huzzah.

In “The Joyous Ending” Santa gloats. Jolly Roger shines. Phew.

That’s enough of that. Except for the men workshopping catch phrases. Oh, yeah–and don’t leave out your liquor.

Old salts know how to make the best of a bad thing.

Robert Palomo tries the parody tack with “Sailor Christmas Carols.” Hard workin’ men havin’ a larf.

The Green Monkey Christmas Chorale (feat. Gary Minkler) get into character with “Xmas Time for Sailors.”

“A Yuletide Sea Shanty” is a fun curiosity from Steve Parsons. Sung here by the Excelsia Singers this operatic tale of tempest tossed sailors visited by Santa & The Reindeer becomes comic, in a good way.

Want a boat? Build it yourself! For Christmas!

Hawksley Workman plans to “Build a House or Maybe a Boat.” It’ll be ready by Xmas. It rides like a showtune, but it’s pure lounge blues. Wild.

Lukas Graham sings about that boat you built but never got to sail. It becomes a big deal, because you are no longer “Here (For Christmas).” Pop about loss.

Or just act like it–Mikael Englund and Árpád Solti get full on musical theater with “Times of Joy, Dreams Ahoy!” Free, happy, skating, giving… it’s all patter building to shout out that final nautical send off.