Polysomnography: Turndown Service

So, Baby Jesus is born on Christmas and all. And he’s tender and mild. No crying, first words, or weird poops. That just leaves beaming beatifically… and sleeping.

Tiny Little Baby” by Cheryl L. Gleason is about that heavenly slumber; but its kidsong punctuated with Shushes. Who’s making a racket? The donkey?

Softly Sleeps a Little Boy” is Michael Warner leading the chorus in… well… louder and louder chorale. Shush!

The Caroleers crescendo in a churchload hymn-otizing “Softly the Night is Sleeping.” It’s all solemn, serious, and short (from like a Readers’ Digest of hymns). Bow your heads and snore.

Polysomnography: Say Your Prayers

Go to sleep Xmas Eve… for God!

Mache uptempos “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” as a grateful prayer for the gifts You bring to me. Nice, but that’s like tipping before the meal. Or it’s not about Christmas, i guess.

Pat Boone adds childhood nostalgia in his “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep,” but his easy listening pits Santa Claus vs. Sandman. So it IS about Christmas.

Libera takes the act to church with the choir performing “When at Night I Go to Sleep.” I have slept there, too.

Polysomnography: Lullaby.10

Belinda Carlile’s Christmas gift to you is a (strained) “Christmas Lullaby.” Simple pop, like a lullaby ought to be.

The Ohio City Players seemingly stray off-topic with “Tinsel Town Lullaby.” Yet this bluesy jazz maintains the spirit of the season.

Emma Howett vocalizes spookily in the breakup indie “Christmas Lullaby.” She chews up hope for breakfast.

Counting and eating, Leigha Marina shrills out the children’s “Snowflake Lullaby.” No sleep during this one.

Annabelle Menard exercises her vocal range in the gospel-lite “Christmas Lullaby.” It’s tough to stifle the hosannas for bedtime.

Polysomnography: Lullaby.5

Jay Alan Henderson phones in his “Christmas Lullaby” with talent but no imagination. Easy listening can be hell.

Christmas Lullaby” from Baptist College of Ministry Concert Chorale is rad harmony, and great reverence. But piercing, mon.

Devolving into catchy pop, Neil Sedaka croons “Baby’s First Christmas Lullaby” with earnest–albeit quiet–gusto. Just right.

The New Christy Minstrels minstrel it up with “Tell Me,” that old routine about Tell Me a Story to help me fall asleep. Watch for the Linus solo in the middle.

A Christmas Lullaby” from Salt Lake Choral Artists is overly tabernacled, but sweet and charming. When a hundred people sing Go To Sleep, it affects you.

X Files-mas: Monsters

The notion of ‘The Monster’ predates all literature, and the Latinate root of the word seems to denote simply ‘Warning/Instruction’ (like literature is s’posed to do). Monstrophy tells us a lot about a culture. That’s what all these posts are about. Sometimes, monster’s a catchall for the odd outlier, the not-us. Here’s where those unspecific entries fall.

A+ Cake (feat. MC TC Mc) embody this generality with “We Wish You a Monster Christmas.” Listing centaurs, vampires, and your cat isn’t compelling. Nor is the parody (despite the rap coda).

The Universal Monsters were a successful film genre from the 1930s but reached great fame in weekend TV offerings during the ’60s. Lots of fun comedy and rock songs from that. Like Len Maxwell’s “A Merry Monster Christmas” album from 1964.

Santa’s Monster Bash” by Dwight Frye and the Crew of Creeps is a welcome bluegrass palate cleanser. It’s a who’s boo of creatures.

Peter Pan Records put out their own hodgepodge of silliness with the album Monster Christmas Mash. Lessons are definitely learned. Probably later ’60s, but rereleased in perpetuity.

“Monster’s Holiday” was covered here earlier (though i credited Bobby Pickett with Buck Owens’s version). The Plainsmen rock the hell out of a different edition (not exactly Xmas–but cool).

Monsters Christmas” from Ys is nearly subvocal rap about some injured victim trying to react to some threat of some kind. There’s a cool story in here somewhere.

Red State Update raises the roof with “The Day All the Monsters Came to Church and Got Saved.” They loved Jesus, too. A Christmas miracle.

Christmas Countdown: 700

Dionne Welch takes the reins of the church choir and announces “This Christmas” with soaring faith and awe. She begins: 700 years of our hearts crying out You sent your words through the prophets–and looks like prophecies of the Jayby’s birth rang out centuries before the first Christmas. If you’re counting (Matthew is).

Christmas Countdown: 1000™

Let’s keep the beat up with more exaggerations about how great Xmas is. Reminding me of John Denver (???) Clint Black wails “Looking for Christmas” to medieval instrumentation, but for a good cause: the Nativity. Does he find Xmas? Well, he closes his eyes and sees a thousand lifetimes since we’re all the Magi after all (hu-wha?).

Bonfire Band begins their “Christmas Medley (Joyful Song)” also back at the first Noel, in the land of a thousand. The other medlied songs blur together for me, but that phrase opened up some eyes–how many people for that Herod census?! Maybe that no-vancancied inn only had like two rooms?

O for a Thousand Tongues to Sing” is a hymn about proselytizing all ’round the globe. Takes a few mouthfuls. Ben Haake rocks it out with more a thousand words/years not being enough. His auditorium-full in this recording joins in to make it so. Raise praise for days.

Tunepushers ultimately amps up the adrenaline, though, with the cheesy pop of “There’s a Thousand Reasons to Love Christmas.” Pogo out the list! Oh Yeah! Can i get a Hey, Man!

Christmas Countdown: 1000

A thousand is like a lot. More than you could hold, puppy-wise. So get ready for the hyperbole section of the countdown (like millions wasn’t too much… though, Romans used M for 1000 and called it mille, ‘cuz a thousand thousands was like inconceivable). Christmas, after all, can be THAT much.

Silent Night” by Klip! Klap! from ‘Carol in a Box: A Christmas Musical for Children Young and Old’ is NOT the song you are expecting. Sure it’s pretty, but that’s because of the thousand lights ever twinkling. Percussive kidsong.

While we’re into the luminescence, Alan Jackson associates the Xmas city with where a thousand lights glow. (The country just gots the mistletoe, duh-huh. “Let It be Christmas” is gentle pop with a twinge of country.

Let’s go to God. The Carolleers sail through the hymnal “Now Light One Thousand Christmas Lights” to make the dark skies bright, which will signal the season, but–hey–let the Fire Marshall know, ‘kay?

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000

A million names for God?

Minister Felix prays to God for “A Million Christmas Days.” Quiet country folk, so sentimental as all get out.

Taking the elevator music approach to gospel, Sandi Patty belts and suspenders out “Light of a Million Mornings.” This celebration of JC soars a little, so just relax and let it wash over you. (P.S. That’s 2738 years, so He’s still got some breakfasts to go before we get there.)