Category: folk

Licking the Envelopes (BLUE ALERT)

Flip the script, it’s girls’ night at the novelty Christmas music chorale. Now, we’re woke enuf to know most of the songs about women are about men’s fantasies and are at times insulting, and at others criminal. But we’re here to shit all over everything any way…

Instructive male psyche goes into the little boy who wishes to Santa for a “Vagina for Christmas.” He’ll take care of it just like it were a hippopotamus.

Supposedly uncomfortable boardmen are mind altered by Andy Smushkin’s folk soft rock video “Christmas Cunnilingus.” It’s National Lampoon approved. Killer psychedelic guitar solo.

Fraudulent Unacknowledged Crooked Koran (BLUE ALERT)

While whooping it up, being true to our school, we might at times take other names in vain.

Certainly South Park is known for this xenophobic excoriation with Mr. Garrison’s “Merry Fucking Christmas,” a show stopping number you can holler to be racist, or be ironic about racists. Seen this already.

Justin Cooper playfully paeans the American way with “A Fuck You Christmas Song.” Tooting and tootling, we face alcoholism, patriotism, and apathetic despair. Love Xmas or eat shit and die.

Financial Unrest Concerning Kickbacks (BLUE ALERT)

Anger at overspending (and having to return crappy presents) excites 85% Jesus to rockin’ song with “Merry Fucking Christmas (To Some of You).” Wow.

But finally, a song that celebrates the 1% (with tongue in ass-cheek) for the holidays. Meanspiritedness trickles down, motherspender! Brad Sucks and John Benjamin present “Fuck You, Motherfucker (It’s Christmas)” as a quarterly economic lesson for the rest of us. Coffeehouse pop folk. Have fun with this one.

From Usurped Christian Kingdoms (BLUE ALERT)

Foul language against the competition as well? Sam Hill right! Get on board the cursing cruise as we drive-by Kwanzaa and Hanukkah too!

Thugzy Bunnie cracks me up with his hippity hip hop smashing on all winter celebrations out at the mall, beginning with “Fuck Christmas.”

Cuntgod rattles off the standard list with “Fuck Hanukkah.” Clotted metal punk with a hint of klezmer. Get the guy a lozenge.

The Skivvies (in their underwear) practice “It’s F*cking Hanukkah” for us live. Whitey rap is so hilario.

Much more positive, but also only a draft, “Light the Fucking Candles” from Eva Moon & the Lunatics calls on the Chosen to get with it. Fun folk rock.

HATE Xmas.15

What’samatter, Johnny? Did she forget to love you through the holidays? Do you project your insecurity onto Christmas, hating all the month-long? Join me in song, you sad fool.

Angry Johnny and The Killbillies trombone up the joint with their redneck folk “On Christmas This Year.” He’s not just lonely and drinking, he’s loading up the shotgun and not knowing what he’s doing.

So much more upbeat, White Town pop rocks “Why I Hate Christmas” with a sad sack tale about the married women that got away. Duh-ewd

Slowin’ it down even more, Chris Stalcup & the Grange gets honky tonk country, calling out “I Hate Christmas” ‘cuz you left me (and lost my dog). He’s been crying into his beer so long he encores his song 2/3 of the way through.

Celtic folk punk rock from Lenny Lashley’s Gang of One chant up “Anti-Christmas.” Divorce!? Isn’t it the Jesus of the season to forgive? Or maybe cancel the whole thing….

Begging with his weeping guitar, Jay Brannon lets you know “Christmas Really Sucks” since you left.

Down to a single uke, Zeld Starfire sounds nearly cheerful blaming “I Hate Christmas” on how you left her (did you die?). Tap that toe into intolerance.

HATE Xmas.14 (mildly blue)

Much of the resentment over the whoop-de-doo made over wealth for Twelfth Night is due to the DIDN’T-GET-WHAT-I-WANT horror that shapes children into adults. Santa vanishes! Christmas collapses! Life loses its luster!

Electronic zippiness underlines the horror of not getting–you! “Christmas Sucks!” Better Promises echoes out all over the roadmap of rock.

“Chr!$Tm@$ $Ux” underlines the rock sentiment from queen Alaska Thunderfuck. Fortunately she learns her lesson, TV special style.

On the other side of the spectrum Tim Cavanagh bellyaches about all his disappointments one by one in his blusey “Worst Christmas Ever.” Keep listening. It gets worse.

Punkers Mary Magdalan get their BLUE ALERT rude-off with “Christmas Sucks.” Anger overdose explodes into head bangin’ music/kids’ specials clips.

Rocky Zharp goes full honky tonk blues with “I Hate Christmas” at least in part due to the emptiness of the stocking. This wails.

Perhaps the most surprising novelty i stumbled over was JERRY LEWIS in character complaining about the junk he opened in “I’ve Had a Very Merry Christmas.” In 1953, we call this a terribly odd little recording.

In perhaps the prettiest song of this pettiness parade, Christopher Coats folk pops “I Hate Christmas.” (Hate to give him a BLUE ALERT, it’s such gentle f-bombing.) Love this.

Sick of Christmas: gout

Celebrating the end of the year like Henry VIII? Maybe you’ll develop painful extremities, too!

This subject raises the level of fun. Observe The Likes of Jeff Pittman compromised yet celebrating “Christmas with the Gout.”

Well, i certainly enjoyed my times listening to “This Christmas Everybody Gets the Gout” by Rock, Paper, Cynic (ft. Tico Souza). What a hoot of a folk rock message, antic and able. You have to go there to see what i mean.

Don We Now: Santa hat

The most iconic clothing of the season belongs to Santa Claus superstar. More people recognize this gear than Ronald McDonald’s. So, let’s take it from the top.

Aussies play with “Santa’s Bobble Hat” the irreplaceable nonsense sound to help Mr. Gifts get into the Christmas mood. Folksy kidsong.

Are we suggesting there’s more than one kind o’ Santa hat? Listen to the rap-sync country from Isaac Stancill “Santa in a Cowboy Hat.” It’s Bobby McFerrin-tastic.

Pop rappin’ “Snapback Santa Hat,” Dave Days ‘Jingle Bells’ your party with roof-raising to the mat. But is it Santa’s hat anymore?

Not only Santa need wear this specialty item. If you don the “Santa Hat” you might get a little sumpin sumpin, as pop folked by NSPS (and Deni Bonet’s sizzling fiddle).

Don We Now: sweaters

It’s that fashion of year again–deal with it.

What is it? Classic Brown drops a classy garage number about just being with you. And “Christmas Sweaters.” Existentially. ‘Kay?

It’s white trash: Katie Wilson (&c) parody ‘Bang Bang’ by corrupting a winter formal with their “Ugly Christmas Sweater” infection. (We’ve seen this before, but it’s a good parody video.)

It’s a present. Okay. (As previous) First Atom papound out the altrock “I Bought You a Sweater.” Waiting for the thank you….

It’s a sign: Lil Poverty Angels BLUE ALERT notice “Eggnog on Her Christmas Sweater.” Techno improv nonsense that claws in and makes you listen.

It’s what’s on: “Christmas Sweater” by Karina Mia deals with flirty seasonal romance which happens to have a ‘cheesy’ piece of clothing involved. Pop folk.

It’s what’s on the list: Justin Warnick just ticks off the things to build a Christmas night. “Christmas Sweater” is there, ‘cuz December. Snappy slow folk, but almost affectless.