Category: folk

WHAT ELSE? Three’s a Crowd

Just enough fun songs to continue to mock the holy trinity of cultural clash around the shortest day of the year.

“The Worst Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa Song Ever Written or Sung” by Tony Caravan is word jazz of slight merit. Techno meh.

Virgin Mobile ran a series of song ads about “Chrismahanukwanzakah” with a peppy pop ensemble that somehow came off as reverent. The nerve!

Master crassman Heywood Banks calls on the capitalists’ gods with “It’s a Ramadan-Hannakah-Christmas-Kwanza-Pagan-Solstice Time.” It’s fast folk and Bob and Tom rated.

Matt Roach folk stomps out “Merry Christmahanukwanzaa” with tongue in sneering cheek. Whoa. Now you know.

It’s All Relative, that’s just awful

What better way to conjure how awkward family time is for X’s Bday than to sing terribly. Verisimilitude evokes.

Franker217 (no names please) tries his best with his own “A Family Christmas Song.” I’ll never be as brave as he, but surely i’ll be missing notes that well. Middle of the road lounge.

Veghalen (don’t unmask!) cobbles out some rock/blues with their “Family Christmas Song.” I guess they like Xmas?!

Naming names (with record contracts) Collier Bloom Band is more about the aural landscape than the song. So “Christmas with Family” is warbling and tympanic and jazz all over the place. Swing and a miss.

Anne Marie Pincivero keeps it simple with “Christmas is Family,” a guitar dirge of presents, and cheer, and mumbling.

It’s All Relative, Santa & Son

Is Santa the dad to beat all? Aren’t we all his family?

John Goodman sings about how everybody is somebody in “Santa’s Family.” It’s a showtune from ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Movie.’ Slow jazzy ragtime, but still treacly kidpop.

We all wish it, don’t we? “Wouldn’t It be Fun to be Santa Claus’s Son?” revisits our site now by Joanie Bartels. Kidsong cliche.

Maybe he really has his own kid. “Willie Claus, Little Son of Santa Claus” gets a cover by Jaye D. Marie to explain why kids are more trouble than they’re worth. Kid country on speed.

The “Son Of St. Nick” might turn out okay in the end. Swoony folk from Kelly Nolf & Wyndi Harp rocks out the possibility. Wotta hunk.

Santa’s daughter, on the other hand, is a handful. Soca from RemBunction tells the story of “Samantha Claus (I’m a Big Boy).” She brings out the little boy in the big boy with her presence.

I mean, does Santa even procreate? In “New Elf in the Family” Three Day Threshold and Aedan Byrnes revival folk rock out how Mr. and Mrs. Claus make more slaves. Blessed event, or bottom line?

It’s All Relative, oh… THEM

Not every family is YOUR family, especially not for Christmas. Some are iconic, others illustrative.

Most of these songs are amateur offerings to be kept behind family trees. “The Royalty Family X-mas” from The Royalty Family channel is just begging for attention with his slurring, her cleavage, and the little one’s ‘tude. Ragged rap.

The Sentimental Favorites detail the musses and fusses of the “Roelle Family Christmas.” Actually, i may have gotten onion rings on the way home from family gatherings my own self. Pop folk wackadoo.

It’s All Relative, from afar

Nothing measures love like the cost of a plane ticket. Will you travel ALL the way over the river AND through the woods to get to the Christmas jubilee at PeePaw’s and MeeMaw’s? Well, then you win Best Child, ya ol’ prodigal, you.

Some of those out-of-towners ain’t so welcome, y’see. Duck Logic Comedy counsel you with folksy patience in “An Extended Family Christmas.” Who are all these weirdos?

Just as twisted, the elderly reunion of Olivia Newton John and John Travolta for Christmas in the country pop “I Think You Might Like It” is as authentic as her lips and his orientation. Ooky.

Soul directs Ron Tyson to appreciate the whole pack when he croons “I’m Gonna be with My Family for Christmas.” Finger popping and doo-doo-dooing ensues. (And tears.)

Modern folk gospel sets the scene for Vincent Knight’s “Family Christmas.” This honest prayer of returning home is sad, sweet, and solemn.

It’s All Relative, faux fam

Can you fake a family? ‘Course you can! ‘Tis the season to fool Pee and Em about your marital status.

Is this really a problem?! Please re-listen to Sara Baker’s “(I Hate) Every single Christmas,” a showtune about nosy relates who wanta know about your lovelife, martial status, childbearing possibilities…. Eeek.

Team Natu has a folksy upbeat number in “Christmas Man.” I’m not sure if this guy’s a Craigslist ad, but you get the idea. Funny stuff.

It’s All Relative, too much!

New boyfriend? Bring ‘im! In-laws? C’mover! Blended fam? Uh-what! We’re running out of room around the holidays in our cozy house! Chaos!!

The happy-party-lovefest version of this sounds like Peter Andre with horns and uke and jazz and “Christmas Time’s for Family.” Can’t stop smiling!

Ross Bagdasarian (aka David Seville of Chipmunks fame) returns with “Let’s Have a Merry Merry Christmas” about the car crash of family get-togethers. 1953 big band pop hijinks.

In-laws are a popular bitch for Christmas. The Christmas Pranksters check the parody box with “My In-Laws are Coming to Town,” which i guess smells worse than Santa Claus doing that.

Celtic wonder from Mark Cummings also worried about “Inlaws Coming to
Town.” Now it’s philosophical questions rather than rando rants. Thoughtful crying.

It’s All Relative, dysfunction

Oil, water, vinegar, gasoline… it takes all kinds to make one group of relatives. Go with it.

Lynyrd Skynyrd gets honky tonk American rock with the aw shucks celebration “Skynyrd Family.” They’re one short of an eight track.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Saturday Night Live had a running ‘Dysfunctional Family’ routine, including the commercial for the “Dysfunctional Family Christmas Album.” Pop psychology parodies.

Todd Yohn goes gay musical with “Dysfunctional Family Christmas.” Curious, but a bit ordinary for a colorful family collective.

Vancougar gets melodically mellifluous with their “Dysfunctional Family Christmas.” It’s a heartwarming celebration of what Xmas really means.

It’s All Relative, dogs BLUE ALERT

Troubles are part of the packaging when it comes to Christmasfamilytime.

“Black Dog Family” are better off without ’em. The old ones, anyway. Now, the new family (the little black dogs) are all Three Ninjas need. Awfully fun folk alt with commentary. BLUE ALERT–we hate ’em so much.

EX-Mas, it’s not yule…

The announcement for the Xmas break-up is traditionally quiet, with a slammed door for punctuation.

Way underplayed is the jazzy scat from Goldentusk. “I’m Breaking up with You for Christmas” calmly takes us through the presents, surprises, and exit. Almost missed it–

Matt Roach also strums matter-of-factly through the split. “Paralyzed” is the reaction to your rapidly vanishing backside, on Christmas day. But, this fine folk tale is not done. His emotional freezing will be matched with a physical similarity. Listen to find out why.

Before Braille more prettily drops the bombshell with graphic explanations. Alt crooning makes it worse.