Year-round Yuletide oddities
Cliff Richard has an uplifting holiday paean full of children’s chorus and sentiment. It’s gooey fun and may cause joyous swaying.
I guess the Deutshc and Ukrainians love this.
But ‘tube site The Poke has put together concert footage of heavy metal shockers Slipknot syncing to “Mistletoe and Wine.” Not to be missed.
Another overplayed contender is “It Must have been the Mistletoe” proving once again that laundry lists of Xmas imagery make a song. This ’80s easy listening lump of coal hit big with Barbara Mandrell in ’84, but got most of its attention from the movie ‘Love Actually,’ which’s soundtrack slipped in a Barbra Streisand take.
Vicki Carr, Thomas Anders, and Jana Peterson also sing basically the same thing. It’s like all the siblings brought the same marshmallow salad to the big family dinner. Even the Northwest Girlchoir Ensemble out of Seattle plugs it as a dull-witted waltz. (Okay–there are some obvi misfires: Heather Poduska Florence Foster Jenkins the song into torture.)
For a hot DJ mix to jazz up this old thing, fire up Nicole Henry on Billy Paul Williams’ fusion. I give that an A+. (Big fan of his Reindeer Room album work–check it out.)
So how ’bout we settle on the smarm: a canned TV Christmas special from 1980 wherein Tanya Tucker and Glen Campbell heft big hollow presents up the snowy walk to see Minnie Pearl? Some chemistry at least.
We’re getting divisive here, another proud American tradition–but not our chosen theme. So let’s not link to any more songs about them vs. us: racism, sexism, classism, ageism, heightism, weightism, politics (yes, virginia, there’s haters’ christmas songs for all of them).
Let’s blend, melt, be together.
Pat Benatar belts out some extremely light rock with “Christmas in America.” They grow up so conservative, don’t they? Naw, she’s godblessing us all, even her grownup head banging fans.
Baby baby bae, you know i don’t want no presents, no toys, no cash, no distractions, no trash…
It’s YOU only that i want.
Now, don’t run… this is a Mariah-free zone. We don’t play the overplayed.
But, back from the ‘Fifties and more was “You’re All I Want for Christmas” a monster hit recorded by Bing, Al Martino, Frankie Avalon, Sarah Geronimo, and Filipinos Rico J. Puno and Nora Aunor.
The Larks got an old timey rock ‘n’roll croon-y feel with “All I Want for Christmas.” Boy band doo coppers! Poetical!
Pretty a cappella from The Bobs warmly round the hearth espouses the need so gently, gently. “All I Want for Christmas” is sappy done right. (It’a about the friendship, babe.)
Down home country wants to sentimentalize as well. “All I Want for Christmas Dear is You” is a bit of a mouthful, but when pronounced faithfully gets you back in the house into her loving arms. Buck Owens knew it. So did Travis Tritt, Louis Mandrell, Clint Erb, Heart LeBlanc, The Playtones (mmm, honky tonky), Swiss Highwaymen, and Cajun Paul Dwayne. (Who are these guys?)
Updating the music, Casey Shea beatboxes the R+B sound with “You’re All I Want for Christmas.” Bubblegum, kids!
Even more modern, the dB’s garage the beat with that old fashioned too-many rock stars folk-harmonizing kind of sound we remember from the ’90s. “You’re What I Want for Christmas” wants you to want to like them.
Give the girls a turn! Judi Silvano goes whiskey club jazz with those loooo-ooong held notes singing “I’d Like You for Christmas.” She maintains her notes so long, Chanukah gets in there, too. Raise the highballs for that xylophone solo! Julie London sexied it up way back when. But, gee, she sounds like a Playboy cartoon.
Boogie woogie style from Foghat (!) sets a whole ‘nother mood for “All I Want for christmas is You.” Highsteppin’ and finger waggin’ would not be out of the realm of possibility here.
Cowboybilly rock is all i can think to call the Fleshtones’ “You’re All I Want for Christmas.” I hear Elvis, Gene Autry, with a hint of Thunderbirds. How you gonna resist?
Caro Emerald and Brook Benton over-orchestrate their latin lovin’ with “You’re All I Want for Christmas.” It’s cute and consensual.
MOR (middle of the road) rock is that symphonic pap you hear in the elevators. Why would you do that to the Beatles… oh, actually they did sound like that.
B’way has killed the musical genre, making most cool tunes sound the same. The cast of “The Drowsy Chaperone” mash sax and ‘ba-doo-wa’ out of doo wop goodness and into harmonious building, building, climax with “Rockin’ Christmas Angel.” Wipe your mouth.
Sha Na Na resuscitated rock for a nostalgic craze in the ’70s which left the door open for all manner of retread revisioning nonsense. Exhibit A: The Hollydays counting their paces through “Christmas Rock ‘N’ Roll.” It’s nostalgic like the Red Scare is nostalgic.
Kid music also has done what it could to ruin rock. The Wiggles desperately want you to sing along with their redundant mundane “Rockin‘ Santa.” Poor sound quality, too many long ‘o’s, nonsense.
Cutting out the (101 Strings) middleman, Bradley Gillis goes for the older crowd with his 1980s styled “Santa is Rocking.” If the band Chicago is rocking, so is this.
Is Kris bigger than all of these mundane human endeavors? Is he really gonna blow you all away?
Learn from Bah and the Humbugs through the story of “Hurricane Santa.” It’s lounge-tastic for a doomsday.
Doesn’t Santa help keep the order of naughty and nice? Isn’t he really a cop, all–you know–undercover and stuff?
I’ve already featured a wonderful tune “Sheriff Santa from Montana.” Krista Detor deserves a second date.
Sadly, too many police departments enjoyed the short-loved Cop Rock TV show and hope today to enlist community support with tunes like Hampton Police Division’s “Jingle Bells (Holiday Safety Remix)” wherein Santa assists and abets the boys in blue.
Pushing the envelope a bit, i’ve got to stop and drop a needle on Martin Mull’s Santa-just-saying-no exploration “Santa Doesn’t Cop Out on Dope.” The Jolly Old Elf has something to say about rule-breakers, so i think you oughta listen up.
When is an elf not an elf? When he’s a car salesman? David Wood’s “Ralph the Sneaky Elf” is more about Santa upgrading his ride to a hybrid. Don’t do it, Santa! Listen to that country mumbler!
More laudable, “Little Ralph the Christmas Elf” works tirelessly for the toy cause. Although he does whine–folk song style–about his grievances, and scores a day off for the elves. Instigator? Progressive unionist? You decide.
If you need that throwback cornball confetti tossing tune to draw your own youtube cartoon to… go no further than The American Song Poem “Randy, the Li’l Elf” sung by Bobbie Boyle and the MSR Singers. Wee!
Mix it up with Rappy McRapperson play-singing “Rappy the Elf” playing it cold (despite Gitmo). He’s no Fred, and he’s no gangsta, but that’s a good thing.
The Stardust Family Singers warn us about that elf delegated to delivering coal to the naughty ones–although “Randy the Rotten Christmas Elf” may have been up to worse (or down to better). It’s a jazzy, snazzy celebration of employees gone bad.
Elvis joins the Army just in time for Ike to invade The Caribbean and The Middle East. Mao and Kruschev are talking…but that Pasternak book Dr. Zhivago makes them Reds seem nice enough.
So, we’re rocking the world, am i right?
Well, Exhibit A: “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee (Teresa Brewer does a perfunctory pass at it as well) seems to indicate so.
And The Stanley Brothers take country to the rock with “Christmas Time is Near.”
Big band maestro Hugo Winterhaller jazzes up ‘Merry Christmas’ with some Samba ferality in his “Christmas Cha Cha.” This ain’t your grampa’s dance music!
But then there’s radio/TV hostess Ruth Lyons. She had been introducing big bands and hosting her own shows (like Petticoat Partyline and The 50/50) while she’s been songwrighting. But the wax she drops this year, including “Let’s Light the Christmas Tree,” “Hey Nonny Nonny,” and “Christmas is Getting Mighty Close” sounds pretty old fashioned.
Oh yeah, and who’s still selling Christmas music in 1958? Bing Crosby. Yeah, i know! Check out his polka-like daddy-kins vocalism “Just What I Wanted for Christmas.” Yeah, he wants the thought (that’s what counts), but he really wants you shopping. He does, you know.
1954: the Hydrogen bomb is tested and beats the atomic bomb squared. Joseph McCarthy is finally and fully censured. The Lord of the Flies and The Lord of the Rings get published. Both Ed Sullivan (Toast of the Town) and Steve Allen (The Tonight Show) get televised.
And Bill Haley and the Comets drop ‘Rock Around the Clock.’
It’s a new age.
Even the total squares of (British) pop like Alma Cogan are getting jazzy with the likes of “Christmas Cards.” It’s Glen Miller-ish, but portends girlish rock breakouts like Cathy Carr and Dodie Stevens.
The churchified country of Eddy Arnold in “Christmas Can’t Be Far Away” smacks of soulful singing like what Elvis will do. Not just gospel, but hopeful.
All that progress… despite the honky tonk whining of Sonny James in “Christmas in My Hometown.” In a couple years this Chet Atkins discovery would crossover to #1 on the pop charts (with ‘Young Love’), but for now his hillbilly dread dirge will help keep country in the outhouse.
“Christmas Bells” reveals that those who should have been breakouts, like Patti (1950’s ‘Tennessee Waltz’) Page, continued to get stuck in Lawrence Welk-y tame, lame, same ol’ same ol’. That’s a beat you can sleep to.
Arthur Godfrey’s pet sirens, The McGuire Sisters, never became the Andrew Sisters, who were pretty hip. Their “Give Me Your Heart for Christmas” hearkens backward to the ’40s pretty hard.
’54’s official Christmas Seals song “The Spirit of Christmas” by Kitty Kallen is pretty tired and by the numbers as well. I feel like it’s got subliminal tryptophan in the lyrics.
Worst of all this year, Rosemary Clooney drawls out syrup for young and uncool alike with “Let’s Give a Present to Santa Claus.” She was there, man, with 1951’s ‘Come on-a My House,’ but in ’54 she’s backsliding making the movie ‘White Christmas’ with Bing and Danny Kaye. Bored now. Want to rock.