Jesus Christ! poorly worded

Some seriously adoring songs about the Only-Begotten come out all wrong. “Let’s Make a Baby King” takes the punning penchant of CW song writers and makes us regret liking down home humor. Seriously, guys?

I like Jesse Winchester‘s rocking country take. Can barely hear the words.

Hard driving bluegrass from New Grass Revival takes the sting off, as all good bluegrass should. Still creepy.

It’s a woman’s job, I guess, to bear the brunt of the unfortunate turns of the the word and the world. Wynona Judd has a smokey whiskey–almost dangerously earthy–version you should consider. Then find someone to confess to.

Jesus Christ! the ‘rents

A newborn means new parents. Mary and Big Joe get some good screen time in the story of the Nativity, but few enough songs about them… just stable scenery for magi and drummers.

Tim McGraw has a gentle country ballad about “Mary and Joseph.” Don’t quote chapter and verse here, I think he takes some liberties (makes ’em sound kinda white if you ask me). Pretty song, though.

Jesus Christ! cw birthday party

Many peoples in many languages offer up birthday thanks for this time of the year. Some odd translated versions haunt me. Nassiri keeps to twenty words or so to sing “Happy Birthday Jesus.” Lots of multicultural kids help. Rashid M. Khan has more cool, less English with his “Well Come Jesus” song, shades on, away in a mantra.

In our country Reba tells the kids to hush up while she narrates the True Meaning of Christmas. Fortunately she also sings about presents in time for the X-Man, offering “Happy Birthday Jesus (I’ll Open this One for You).” Somehow i see her waving around a Coors when she says that.

Merry Mistletoe: Hale, Anderson, BLUE ALERT

Lynn Anderson retros the CW with “Mr. Mistletoe” turning a harmless tradition into a suburb or lust and lies.

Lucy Hale (from TV) pops country with her “Mistletoe.” It makes me think all possible lyrics combinations for the subject are already used up.

Then I stumbled over potty-mouthed Kyle Dunnigan. His “Fuck You Mistletoe” has given me the strength to go on, or at least listen to more country scrying subtext.

Merry Mistletoe: who now

Some you tube artists break out and score millions of views. Most don’t. Doesn’t mean they don’t have passion, verve, rhythm. Usually they do have a crowded crooked bedroom, poor sound, and an itty bitty range of talent.

Ann Wave sings her “Mistletoe” warning Santa not to bring presents (she just wants the right kissing). And she leans into it, overcompensating for the blonde hair.

Thanecha, on the other hand, sets her shot in the decorated front room (and name drops the tree), but seems to be reading off her lyrics and chords from her notes. Regardless, she has slightly more sense of humor and a raw talented voice (singing–her speaking voice grates) that overpowers for the rented guitar. Her “Mistletoe” weeps gladly.

United We Christmas Tree Stand: don’t tread on us

We gotta admit it, we define ourselves by our borders, and that exclude any of y’all that might be different, or attack us. Bottom line, it’s not our ingenuity, or industry, or even our entertainment business that makes us America. It’s our warlike response to every problem. Take arms! Drive back the doubts and fears with bullets! And honor those in bloody uniforms as the real Americans. The rest of us barely count.

Eric Homer Music sings us wise with “Christmas in America.” Soft, gentle country music with an urgent message about honor and stuff.

Jess Lee has a killer rehearsal in her garage with the boys for “Christmas in America” for the troops get the brunt of our patriotism. It seems to be a quid pro quo: you soldier boys have the burden of being away from home (not the proud duty of protecting the unprotected), so we will sing and stand and salute (ordinarily we’d not care too much). Fair trade? That’s what you get.

Ostensibly about the Newtown tragedy, David Lenett’s posting “An American Christmas” ramps us country rock to make a fine song that includes ‘those who wear our uniform.’ But it’s inclusive.

United We Christmas Tree Stand: wall st.

While we’re on the subject of bailing out Santa…

…of the many US milestones we might inaugurate a carol to, Wall Street seems too apt to pass up.

Watkins and the Rapiers fiddle up a folky grassy bit o’ blues with “Christmas at Occupy Wall Street.” It lands as a sentimental Old World reflection of the times. In this live recording the lads might be a bit in the bag, tho.

Phil Coley kicks up a lively country swing number with “Wall Street Christmas,” which oddly seems to counter current conservative trends and takes up an ironic everyman snark–Cut it out, congress! Danny Mack‘s version is slicker and thus less proletariat.

Xmas Dance Party: shimmy

The shimmy is a dance move wherein you hold your legs still then rotate axially along the vertebral column shaking your shoulders one at a time forward and back. It’s what strippers do to demonstrate their value, so i’m told.

The Embers point out the appropriate rock ‘n’ roll step with “Shimmy in a Winter Wonderland.” It’s a slight rock take off on the old standard, but it inspires.

The naughtier bits are unveiled by Julie Tussey with “Shimmy on Christmas Day,” It’s country/disco all in the name of love, man.

An kooky children’s version comes from Randy Sauer. “Shimmy Down the Chimney” can be danced to, but it’s a watcher’s guide how to tell who it is entering your house actually.

“Shimmy Down the Chimney (Fill up My Stocking)” by Alison Krauss combines the sultry with the uncomfortable. Look away. But do listen. I hear that disco again.

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