Category: country sort of

Bill Shipper minstrels the most Santa of tales: “Santa Needs a Bailout for Christmas.” Funny, timely, educational, snide–all-American!

Omar Gaudet tells us “Santa is an American.” Well, i didn’t want his job farmed out of country. Country pop; gum-smackin’ in fact.

The shimmy is a dance move wherein you hold your legs still then rotate axially along the vertebral column shaking your shoulders one at a time forward and back. It’s what strippers do to demonstrate their value, so i’m told.

The Embers point out the appropriate rock ‘n’ roll step with “Shimmy in a Winter Wonderland.” It’s a slight rock take off on the old standard, but it inspires.

The naughtier bits are unveiled by Julie Tussey with “Shimmy on Christmas Day,” It’s country/disco all in the name of love, man.

An kooky children’s version comes from Randy Sauer. “Shimmy Down the Chimney” can be danced to, but it’s a watcher’s guide how to tell who it is entering your house actually.

“Shimmy Down the Chimney (Fill up My Stocking)” by Alison Krauss combines the sultry with the uncomfortable. Look away. But do listen. I hear that disco again.

Wrapping up the alphabetical alignment of Santa’s helpers: Twinkle is just another elf. Rendered in Henderson Tapscott’s emotional alto warbling, however, “Twinkle the Christmas Elf” is a force to reckoned with, a good worker who makes a difference.

Teresa Hui plays “Strudel the Elf” in order to bring us a report of the working conditions at the North Pole. All she brings us however is a lesson in Deutsch. An a shared sense of how itchy it is to be an elf.

Corey Doak has the big tell-all about the elf-experience. What’s it take to become a toymaker? What’s downtime like? Grooming standards? “Scruffy the Elf” answers all your question. You may not like what he has to say, but you must hear him out. You may not want to look, though.

One of the more well known elf-types, recently, is Buddy from the fish out of water motion picture Elf. Well, like too many other sell-outs this got made into a B’way musical. In ran 57 performances and closed. It later played briefly in the West End, Seattle, and Halifax (where it broke box office records). It knew the end was near when it was re-imagined as an animated TV special with Jim Parsons.

Here, late in the show, is the pitch for a kids’ book to save the publishing company: “The Story of Buddy the Elf.” It is sung by Sebastian Arcelus and sounds like every other song in every other musical, right down to the percussive kicks by the chorus line built into the tune.

The Rambos cook up some Southern Gospel cum disco with “Christopher the Merry Christmas Elf.” This gets weird, gang. You may become proselytized.

What else is wrong with driving during the holidays… Oh yes, everyone else.

Rev. Vince Burke does karaoke (to ‘Winter Wonderland’) for his congregation with “Stuck in a Manila Traffic Jam.” He brings down the house. Or uplifts it. Not sure.

Even more fun, the Hollytones yodel comically with “Gridlock Christmas.” Roll down the windows and crank it up!

Let’s pull over for a bit.

Muzyka plays a sad lonely song in a sad lonely venue. “Truck Stop Christmas” smacks of a folk ballad, like that guy what got stuck on the IRT. Mostly it’s slow and overstuffed.

Much more appropriately, An East Nashville Christmas album presents a panoply of earnest country songs. In the spirit of charity for the homeless, artists tend not to get credit. So hold your applause for “A Truck Stop Christmas.” It’s more sad Dad can’t be home, but the slide guitar makes it come alive in grief.

If you want to see a picture painted of the colorful working class stuck in a greasy spoon for that special day, please tune in to Marc Allen Bennett’s “One More Truck Stop Christmas.” It’s caffeinated, greasy, with a side of boot scootin’ ‘tude.

Besides Santa, what is this magical relationship truckers have with Xmas? If it’s family, it’s a tragic misplacement of values!

David Currey tries to modulate his country tune into a proper carol “A Trucker’s Christmas” with all sorts of piano noodling and singing range. But him missing kids pales next to when he vows to ‘pop the clutch and gear that sucker down.’

More country/folk with a percussive blast of Allman brothers, Maxx Mann swears sorrow for his “Trucker’s Christmas.” But his blues are balls out upbeat.

Pretty as a pop tune, country singer Johnny Dan’s sort-of country song “A Truck Driver’s Christmas” is a slow dance pout about not being home. One two three, one two three.

Of course Red Simpson jerks tears the best with his “Blue Blue Christmas (For This Truck Drivin’ Man).” Are truckers so irresponsible that they can’t keep a calendar on the dashboard? Quit whining and put the pedal to the metal!

Granpa Robert Spurgeon delivers the standard ‘Jingle Bells’ spoofery with his armchair “Trucker Christmas Song.” Trouble with the law? That ain’t yule!

Summoning his honky tonk powers, Dan Brayall altos “Big Rig Christmas Tree.” Finally he’s celebrating being on the road again. Why so sad for the baby J, you other musicians? This truckers’ creation is gonna ‘save the day’!