Year-round Yuletide oddities
This Bob Dylan reinvention for the soundtrack of the 1973 film Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid reached No. 12 on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart… one of Dylan’s most popular post-1960s compositions… the Western Writers of America chose it as one of the Top 100 Western songs of all time.
Buzhard Dakota leans into the grace and soul of it with “Knockin’ on Santa’s Door.” More pretty than funny.
Lynette Alice Fromme was a casualty of the ’60s from hallucinogenic drug use and excessive counterculture deprogramming. She had been a cutsie California entertainer but was exploited by Charlie Manson to help out with his murder spree to ignite the inevitable apocalyptic race war. Her big headline grab after Charlie was sidelined was shooting at President Gerald Ford (the least likely target of assassination ever), resulting in 34 years of incarceration.
Reverend Glen Armstrong takes a turn at psychoanalyzing this pop culture footnote, concluding that “Even Squeaky Fromme Loves Christmas.” It’s worth your while to peer into his bouncy pop lyrics and judge his own stability.
Taylor Alison Swift’s country career has been heart on sleeve since high school, writing and singing about what she knows: white girl privilege. She inspires and bores generations of suburbanite teens with her mix of vulnerability and bitchiness. And she’s blond.
Evan Taubenfeld has a wish this “Merry Swiftmas.” His tribute to the megastar is adorable and appropriately as cutting edge country as a Walgren’s credit card. (Watch for his list of second-raters he won’t settle for.)
Alcohol for Christmas? How ’bout not?
We’ve already had J. Denver ask Daddy to not drink, but the rest of you might resist the elbow bending.
Riesa Rose Harris sings in her kitchen–perhaps as a bulwark preventing the guests from storming the liquor cabinet. “Non-Alcoholic Christmas” is strong country-gospel and she’s got presence. I wish her house had better acoustics.
The Bob and Tom Show presents “We Won’t Get Drunk This Christmas” as a show stopping laugher. It’s a talky roster of regret over vomit, harassment, and accidental violence. You know, the usual. Cue the lafftrack.
Kindevog rip on Tool’s ‘Sober’ with “A Sober Christmas.” Raunchy fun if a touch BLUE.
Jonah Lee rock a “Sober X-mas.” Sobriety here is court ordered, so i guess we laugh at him. Again, a dash of BLUE. (Last minute has outtakes.)
Lunch at Allen’s turns the humor upside down for a melancholic, soulful slow Celtic country number “Sober Up for Christmas.” Damn, now i feel crummy and heartbroken. Well, Christmas is a time for hope and redemption.
Hey wait–that’s not Santa who’s drunk, it’s Daddy!
The big dog of novelty songs for drunk Xmas daddies is John Denver’s “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas).” His angelic voice makes this saccharine slice of cheese barely tolerable. Alan Jackson clones this into a hit for a later generation, adding but a nasal twang. Laurie Leblanc makes it swing, honky tonk like. The Original Five stamp bluegrass all over it, and make it a party. Crossfire makes it lounge rock, just about a 6 on the Elvis meter. Sean Na Na makes it surfer rock, with bongos man. Harry Buttocks and the Hemorrhoids make it punk, but sweetly. Hot Socky make it punk, but nasty.
Smiley Bates slurs his Canadian country music all over “Daddy’s Drinking All Our Christmas.” That’s honky tonk music what’ll give you a hangover. Tommy Hester covers this with a bit more crooning, just as much pain.
A man and a couple chords can strum up a story. Rod Picott even adds some violin and a splash of percussion but keeps his “Dad’s Drunk Again on Christmas” simple and moving. It’s not just a song, it’s the funny horror of living in that household.
Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen bring the sentiment home for me with “Daddy’s Drinking Up Our Christmas.” These down home musicians who smoked every brand of country there was (and hit once with ‘Hot Rod Lincoln’ in ’71) know how to effect every affect out of strings and vocals. Drink it in, cousins. (The Christmas Jug Band have a sadder version. Skip it. John Guliak over enunciates his pop version. Skip it too.)
The idea of Santa stinking drunk is easy pickings for upcoming songmeisters. But how’d he get like that?
Chris F. explains in “Drunken Santa Claus Song (Santa Claus is Drinking at the Bar).” Okay, the title really explains it all. Chris simply reiterates while banging on his guitar folk style.
Santa stumbles into the wrong crib in Stevie Rite’s “I Got Santa Claus Drunk.” This rap fable reveals the lure alcohol (and other drugs) have on travelers during the Christmas holiday.
Not only urban ballers, but cajun cats corrupt the Claus. “The Night That Me and Santa Claus Got Drunk” refers to Travis Matte and a certain weak-willed delivery man in a reindeer adjacent vehicle.
Alex Anthony’s troubles lead him to the bottom of a glass in “Santa Got Drunk.” He is wildly energetic for such a sad holiday sordidity. And i suspect Santa isn’t drunk at all in this song about writing a song. Hey.
Matt Rogers’s “Drunk Santa is Coming to Town” delivers all the sophomoric FM DJ humor you could hope for. Check your list, seriously, this has all the comic tropes to play at your holiday Vegas-themed frat party.
Gary Craig one ups that parody with a Bing-along “Drunken Santa’s Comin’ to Town.” Different lyrics, more style, same humor mined.
The DiRaffs play it light cautioning ‘he shouldn’t fly’ in “Ho Ho Ho 2 (It’s a Drunk Santa).” This light pop rock from an undisclosed bunker is easy breezy stuff bordering on grownup boy band. But the message seems outraged. Huh.
An epic tale of Santa crashing, thrashing, then dashing off to AA comes by way of The Folksinger (Bill Evenhouse). “Drunk Santa!” is Celtic light and fluffy stuff and i think all kids (of alcoholic parents) should hear it.
Going full out children’s song, Corey Ott hopes you’ll play along with the ironic “Santa Got Drunk This Year.” If you elect to wink and nod you’ll have a silly billy fun time with that rummy lush.
Clyde Lasley and the Cadillac Baby Specials close the joint down with their bluesy rocking “Santa Came Home Drunk” from the early days when R+B was about to become RnR. It’s a fun tale of woe. You may dance.
It doesn’t take much imagination to discover the loads Santa is suffering under. Television Television presents Da North Pole Crew singing “Santa Got Drunk” because he’s just not loved. Come on, family Claus: stand by your fat man in this country comic gold. (Spoiler Alert: happy ending–except maybe for the reindeer.)
Post aftermath the holiday drunkeness friends may stage an intervention. All the world’s a stage, but you can’t use the exits in rehab. Play your part, dry out, maybe sing a song to laugh it off.
Cledus T. Judd, of course, has a bouncy country number “Christmas is Rehab.” Kacey Jones wackado-es this song with quick strums and flautist-ence. I, however, prefer the dirty folk version of the same song at a Holiday Inn by Richard Fagan. The pathos and Atticism mix well with the ball cap, oversized sunglasses, and endless unwashed tresses. Well done.
Dylan-esque blues from Willie Hensen in the form of a rogues gallery of recovering patrons: “Christmas in Rehab.” He gets into it, so i’m buying it as a Christmas miracle of hope.
John Prine-esque folk from Grover Windham in the form of confessional: “Christmas in Rehab.” It’s gritty and dirty, so i’m wishing him merry and moving to the other side of the room.
Also making amends, Joe Thistel leans into the country music with his “Xmas in Rehab Again.” It might be the filter on the vocals, but it sounds soul-searching.
More redneck humor arrives from the jolly holiday tune posted by superpont. Some club? Some bubbas foolin’ around? It’s bar-de-har humor entitled “Christmas Time in Rehab.”
Perhaps a bit more conciliatory, Bob Nevin diagrams the road to ruin with his “Drunk this Christmas” half heartedly. It doesn’t seem like a done deal, but that may be the folk-rock talking. I think a kind word to the gentleman might change his mind.
Great White Caps also is unconvincing while the lead singer’s voice cracks and changes through the stress of living up to the garage rock band image. These partiers in “I’m Gonna Get Drunk for Christmas” appear to be giffing through the motions. Or they can’t really sing.
Paul Sanchez slows it way down with gentle jazz for his apologetic “I Got Drunk this Christmas.” It’s not the blues, but it sounds like he’ll wake up with them tomorrow.
The Dan Band has ulterior motives for disappearing the drinks: “Get Drunk & Make Out This Christmas” explains how a man builds up the courage to negotiate for the gift he wants. Some uncoordinated unwrapping ensues. Pop country Irish candy.
Watch’a got planned for Christmas? Bottles! Yea verily, it’s a tradition to buy, imbibe, and belch up the birthday of Godboy. Or, more often, it girds the loins of those unwilling to face family, loneliness, and a general lack of purpose while trudging through black, bleak, endless nights. Bottoms up!
Dave Hutchins captures the blues while rock-beating on his guitar for a better than average amateur offering “I’ll be Drinking for Christmas.” Hutch knows.
More thoughtfully folk Scott Gagner jazzes up “I’ll be Drinking This Christmas.” It’s a spiraling snowflake of a song, so more sipping than slurping over the barstool, fellas.
Kristian Bush (it’s a guy) spells it out eff-ay-em-eye-ell-why (let’s deal with calamitous Christmas clan clashes later) in a modern country carol of high production values. When songs like “Thinking about Drinking for Christmas” sound this good i tend to hear encouragement to excess drinking, but to each hic own.
Time to dine for the Lord! Some suggest the solstice holidays are the time to binge on the big feast so you’ll be able to last until you can gather, plant, scavenge, or shop for more. Dinner is that big excuse for all the relatives to gather, what else are you going to do with all those uncertain uncles and cousins–mingle?!
May we bow our heads and throw down the big meal right at the start with the big guns.
Tennessee Ernie Ford was a Country Music Hall of Famer best known for ‘Sixteen Tons,’ though around here we admire his booming bass for his come-to-Jesus gospel numbers. “Christmas Dinner” may be overproduced, smothering his country drawl with too many instruments, but the boy’s oodles and oodles of charm calls us to the table. Let’s eat!
Bing brings it to the middle classes with “Christmas Dinner, Country Style.” Hoe down music can’t jug this smooth crooner. Slumming down to this mischievous mish mash of big band music made surbubans feel superior. Join in!
