Year-round Yuletide oddities
Are cowboys looking forward to the holidays?
“Cowboy Christmas Eve” by Bri Bagwell & Kip Calahan Young has all the pickin’ and fiddlin’ them boys need to work up the nerve to sashay up to the barn dance. Them ladies are a-waitin’. R.W. Hampton plays this as a duet.
Bobby Boyles downplays this idea as a meditation of the silence of the season. “Cowboy Christmas Eve” here is somber and religious. The wide open spaces’ll do that to you. Bary Ward takes this out of the front room into the studio.
Lynsay Ryan married a guy born 12/25. So she’s in earnest with her lite-country “Christmas Baby” song. She’s home with some range. With her sweetie.
Don’t take the kids! Not for Xmas! Oh, wait, Santa’s fair game. I mean, since ‘Nightmare before Christmas’ that’s just the cost of learning lessons.
While i might avoid the Danny Elfman original soundtrack, let’s cue up Romeon Hustle to see how “Kidnap Sandy Claws” plays in the ‘hood.
Draztik gets a BLUE ALERT with their mad rap “Kidnapping of St. Nick.” It’s all about unfairness of a closed economic system, but the video takes itself seriously (careful of the 1/2 minute epilogue where Santa gets back his).
Jim Boutell goes honky tonk with “Someone Kidnapped Santa Claus.” It’s all kidsong begging for the big guy’s return, but with beerstains and spilled ashtrays.
While codified and proscribed over 50 years ago, identity theft is now more than ever the new mantra of fearmongers everywhere. Digital age drawback, dudes.
James Schramm does a half-minute of driving pop honky tonk with “Christmas Identity Theft.” But it’s all about the cosplay. And forgetting to turn on your clones’ ‘phone.
The Global Positional Satellite system is more military development we have co-opted for our own miserable little lives. Sorry, but the masses are so greedy and will twist all the killing tech for mod cons. You know how you are.
“Santa’s Solar Sleigh” is Bryant Oden’s Songdrop’s kidsong to caution us about abandoning traditions (Rudolph) for the convenience of new stuff–like laser lights and GPS. Blame it on Santa’s brother, Bob.
Amateur front room murmuring from Suzanne Bautista also bewarns that when “Santa’s Got a GPS” then something something something.
The Krimas Kookies get barbershop quintet country for their “Santa’s Got a Garmin.” (If you’re not sure what that brand is for, perhaps a scary commercial will help you out.) Turns out the doddering oldster needs help finding your insignificant person for gifts. Hokums up with this stuff?
First thing, make sure everyone knows to come to YOUR Christmas party so they don’t do something stupid like accept invitations to some work thing or whatever–ugh.
The My Little Pony contribution “Come and Join the Christmas Party” rises to no higher than a preschool Disney Channel attempt, but IMShadow007 gives it all in a bouncy fit of froth.
A Valerie Collison children’s number for church assemblies leans on the baby King for the party’s raison d’être. “Come and Join the Celebration” seems nicely inclusive and honestly Christian. Color me charmed. And white.
WBCN talked The J Geils Band into recording “Come Onto the Christmas Party,” a country rockpop burner which was never released. Originally it was chipmunk style.
Conservatives can fun up the opposition just as good when it comes to The War on Christmas.
The Moron Brothers use some Kentucky logic to figure out who’s right with their “Politically Incorrect CHRISTmas Song.” It’s the bluegrass that makes my blood roar.
Brett Johnson skews the humor with his own “Politically Correct Christmas Song,” in which Christ is bleeped out but the word fucking is not. Get it? Bear with the gentle country folk and maybe, just maybe, you will. He changes it up for the twist of an ending.
What’s a spurned woman to do? Mrs. Claus doesn’t get her jollies on the night that counts and that itch won’t go away.
“Mrs. Claus is Steppin’ Out” is that sultry country dance number you might expect given the subject. Tina Mitchell Wilkins goes whole hog with the woo-hoos.
More suggestive country, now with more sugary sweetness, from Jane Sheldon. “One for Mrs. Claus” is pretty pop about the modern-day lady who goes out drinking while her husband is working. You go Teri Hatcher, i mean girl.
Families are different outside the pollution of urban sprawl. Time slows, flavors burst, eye contact is made (briefly). At Christmas families matter out in the hills and backwoods.
Cities can intrude even out there. An encore from Walter Brennan who chats out “Just Three Letters for Christmas.” This is best paired with Red Peters’s “You Ain’t Gettin’ Sh*t for Christmas.” Bad families!
Ginger Minj (feat. Carnie Wilson) holla onto the good ol’ fashioned “Down Home Country Christmas.” ‘It ain’t a country Christmas ’til someone calls the cops,’ they pop croon. Got it? This might be paired with Lauren Mayer’s “Good Old down Home Country Chanukah.” Yee oi.
Barry Ward gets quietly oversentimental with strong “Farm Family” values for the holidays. Folksy country that might make you stand and put a hand over your heart.
Overdoes it also from Barbara Mandrell and “Christmas at Our House,” a sappy pop country whiner (not improved by a tinkly Lorrie Morgan, nay nay). I do wish your last scraps of memories to be like these candy coated impressions.
Not that you need any more excuses, but when the family shows up with baggage and bottles one solution presents itself: two parts bourbon, one vermouth.
Happy families drink as well. Brian Tiernan offers up “A Christmas Toast” with banjo pop playfulness. Cheers.
Welcome back Kristian Bush who’s still “Thinking About Drinking for Christmas.” Honky tonk slurry fun at the intolerable family’s expense..
Big and Rich list out the problem/drink answers when they get drunk, drunk, “Drunk on Christmas.” It’s all settled with a bouncy country pop tune. (Jimmy Fallon covers this with one of these guys. More hooting.)