Category: Childrens

Whether you’re mad or Muslim, wanting nothing for Christmas is a time honored form of insanity that ranges from gee golly goodness, to slick tricksy manipulation.

Rodd and Judy share a tale of a little boy who asks “Santa Fix My Toys for Christmas.” Those nights of daddy weeping into the bills has worked its magic on the little tike.

Shawn Colvin is satisfied with just you, sweetie. So when she sings “I Don’t Need Anything This Christmas” she means she’s fed up with the season and just wants a time out with your company. Yawn.

Rockin’ country Raul Malo ( with a helping hand from David Andrews) rants “I Don’t Need Anything for Christmas.” It’s boot stompin’ appreciation of you. Again.

Caravan of Thieves gets that swing thing ringing with “I Don’t Want Anything for Christmas,” once again stepping off the reindeer racetrack into a quiet room –with YOU.

Punk jump with Dirt Box Disco (what else would you do with ’em?) to “I Don’t Want Anything for Christmas.” The (but you) is understood, but said anyway.

Punkin’ the folk music come verily New Found Glory exhorting “Nothing for Christmas.” This is gentle grunge, puttin’ the loves on you.

Sad electric ballideering from Stan Huffman (white Motown) in the form of “I Don’t Need Anything for Christmas.” Hold your baby, Stan!

Quick diva detour via Tamar Braxton who asks for “No Gift” because she’s (altogether now) got you. Nice rolling range, but nothing to see here….

Three Wise Guys croon up a tempest with “I Don’t Want Anything for Christmas,” but this time it’s material. They don’t need you, honey. Maybe peace on earth. Maybe. Just none of that present crap. (With a bit more soul  and a cool ‘grass fiddle Laura Gibson, McKinley, Kristin Hersh, Tony Furtado, SLara Michelle, Steve Berlin, Jim Brunberg, Linda Hornbuckle, Art Alexakis & Stephanie Schneidermann sing the same.)

Big E Dude lets it slip that “I Don’t Want Nothin’ for Christmas” is reverse psychology. He lets it slip what you coulda got him, if you felt bad about his humility.

Let’s make it easy on you and do one of those 200 year old call-outs where the steps are explained to you. The Hokey Pokey hit the charts back in the ’80s as a popular foot mover, but you know it as kid line dancing

So… It’s Debbie Doo. It’s  “Christmas Hokey Pokey.” I’m so ashamed. (But thorough: you also get “Reindeer Hokey Pokey” by The Kiboomers–that’s what it’s all about.)

Elf names that start with the letters E-L just scream alliteration which is all you need for a children’s song. I guess.

Mitt & the Merrymakers tell a tale of naughty “Elmer the Elf,” who redeems himself because they say so–okay? It’s got a lovely local western swing duo sound going on and makes me think of Gene and Dale. Not necessarily a good thing.

Frank Rossi knows a more helpful “Elmer the Elf.” This little helper will sneak down tighter flues so Santa won’t pop an O-ring trying to deliver. (Guess Santa doesn’t have magic after all.)

Our old troubadour friend, Dan Schafer, toots “Elmer the Elf“s horn. This little guy saved Santa’s bacon after he slipped and hurt his back. Santa, get thee behind me!

The Marty Gold Children’s Chorus blend harmonically in honor of Santa’s right-hand man: “Elmer Elf.” He seems dull, but can he beat that tambourine!

Even though elves are a Victorian notion mostly adorning advertising, they have been confused with chipmunks. Chorusing with helium afflicted voices, they chime in (with odd Manchester accents) with Bob Pryde for “Santa’s Little Helpers.” Frightening, man.

September happens now. Time to harvest, register, equinox, and get to work. We celebrate the hard working men and women of ‘Merica this month with a day off.

…So I had to wonder: does the North Pole get a day off? Rumors are it’s twelve twenty-six, but that may only be for The Big Guy. What about Santa’s Little Helpers?

We shall endeavor to use this month in holiday song to explore the pluck, the plight, and the playfulness of the elves. [I mean, it might have been dwarves, as recounted by the Les Tucker Singers and Gene Autry and others. But we covered this 5/6/16.]

We’ve been feed a log of bologna for decades, declaring that the special species that effects our gifts does so out of love and joy. Some cracks in this utopian facade appear as early as 1964 with the NBC broadcast of ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ in which–during the song “We Are Santa’s Elves“–the laborers are mischievous, and easily distracted during their team-building exercise. Bunch of sixth-graders, basically.

Mostly we get propaganda as with Mother Goose Club for Songs’s “Here at Santa’s Workshop.” The culturally diverse crew (including a Mexican mouse minion) fantasizes how cool it would be to be elves making toys nonstop (‘so cool!’). Quick, park the two-to-three year olds in front the imagery! (And yes, there is a song buried in there somewhere.)

Being with Santa? Helping get ready? Who doesn’t want a job?! Teresa Jennings has the big grade school musical number “I Want to be an Elf” here very nearly discernible by the Carillon Elementary kids. Are you pointing at me?

The Learning Station at least mentions the ‘joy of children everywhere.’ “Me and Santa’s Elves” may teach poor grammar, but it inspires with new age music, kinda like Enya. Menial 9 to 5 is full of fun sounds: rat a tat tat.

More caffeinatedly Golden Films (those guys that produce low budget Disney animations because the original story is in public domain) shovel out “Christmas Elves” (based–ha ha–on Hans Christian Anderson’s ‘Shoemaker’ tale), wherein we learn in the theme song that elves are more like drama camp cheerleaders with enough Ritalin in them to cause seizures. Boi-i-ing!