Category: Childrens

Animals love Christmas time. Well, sheep more than goats…

And as we’re feeling more Christian that time of year, we love animals more. Well, puppies more than black widows…

Now i respect the animal husbandry involved in barn birthing, but Come On those donkeys get more holiday loving’ than they ought. So let’s work our way slowly up the phyla to Mammalia.

Starting with bugs!

Not much infestation this time of year. In fact some ‘Christmas bug’ songs are about influenza and the craze o’ Christmas! Let’s save those for later.

The most famous insect hereabouts is Charles Dickens’s “Cricket on the Hearth.” (You thought his only noel novella was about ghosties? Bah!) There’s a 1913 recording by Christie MacDonald and Reginald Weerenrath, but that poor of sound quality leaves even me wanting. 1967 paired Marlo and Danny Thomas in a Rankin Bass animated attempt to class up kids’ programming. No one cared. The only version of the title track “The Cricket on the Hearth” i can access is from a crappy VHS recording. To help determine its worth, check out the Red Ribbon Review. You could watch the whole 22-minute thing on youtube, but i figure four and a half minutes is plenty. (Danny’s intro is seen much more clearly at the end of this.)

Why have we been slogging through the 1950s? What’s so big about 1958 in particular?

Stan Freberg’s iconic “Green Chri$tma$” comes out this year. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. You should listen to that one again.

But… get ready novelty nerds, David Selville goes #1 on the hit parade with The Chipmunks’ “Christmas Don’t Be Late.” (You know it, so don’t bother listening.) It’s just that, well, weird Xmas music never does that NUMBER ONE chart-topping thing.

Copycats like The Happy Crickets rushed in to capitalize on this sped up sputtering sputum of spirituality. And, behold,that did not further the cause of cool new music, kids.

So let’s look at the also-rans.

One possible exception to twee helium voice equaling empty nonsense might be from cowpoke Sheb Wooley. 1958 features his big break-out ‘Purple People Eater.’ As has become fashion, he drops a holiday follow-up “Santa Claus Meets the Purple People Eater.” Watch for appearances from Sputnik, rock, and reindeer hands.

Flash in the pan Patsy Raye and the Beatniks drop a couple hepcat platters around now. They’re probably not in it for the money. But if free readings of ‘Howl’ don’t do it for you, listen up to “Beatnik’s Wish.”

12-year-old Augie Rios continues the tradition of adorable prodigies with “Donde Esta Santa Claus?” and the remarkable flipside “Ol’ Fatso.” Kids demand the darnedest things.

From the UK Lanconshireman Ken Platt (‘George Formby the Second’) sings the childish “Snowy the Christmas Kitten.” I love the drollery of the Brits; even at their silliest they do NOT condescend. This might be the sweetest Xmas song ever. Or the most treacley.

Linn Sheldon hosted a Cleveland children’s TV show in the ’50s and portrayed characters, like the pointy-eared elf Barnaby. You know, like Krusty the Klown. So here is his legacy, another animal-based carol (i’ve got to showcase animal songs here soon): “Boofo Goes Where Santa Goes.” ‘Course when i went to high school, boofo meant something else.

Shut up, children. Fun tunes for tots take a backseat this year. These few are neither fun nor nice. Kids are brats, yeah?

“Nuttin for Christmas” sold best for 6-year-old Barry Gordon fronting Art Mooney’s orchestra. Better remembered ala Stan Freberg (w/Daws Butler). Also in the same year by The Fontane Sisters, Joe Ward, and Ricky Zahnd and the Blue Jeaners.

Don Charles presented The singing Dogs in 1955 with “Jingle Bells.” (So it’s not from the ’70s like your parents told you.) Novelty music history!

Maybe it’s just me, but there’s little difference between amateurish country recording and kids’ music. So, to fill in our peanut gallery, let’s consider Sue Childers. These sample recordings, “Ooh! Ooh! Golly Gee!” and “Kiss-Mus-Tree” catch Sue early in her modest career. Dig that accordian.

Let’s take a moment to get childish. Now that we’re into the Beat generation, kids are kooky fun and kinda cool. Their innocence is un-square. So listen up to the swingin’ sounds of juvenile yuletidiness.

Across the Atlantic, girly TV personality Diana Decker recorded a couple fun-time tunes. “I’m a Little Christmas Cracker” could be considered a junior tune, but it’s a party song. Not too many little ones’ songs include ‘a bang-a bang-a bang-a!’

I’m not sure how serious polka music is, despite my supposed Bavarian ancestry. It seems tongue-in-cheek and beer-in-belly, inspiring a silliness that makes square dancing seem scientific. Thurl Ravenscroft and the Mellomen (spelled several ways… in fact also known as Big John and The Buzzards, The Crackerjacks, The Lee Brothers, and The Ravenscroft Quartet) sang harmony back up for Rosemary Clooney, Bing Crosby, and Elvis. But i remember their sound better from Disney pictures (the elephants in ‘The Jungle Book’). So i’m going to say their “Jingle Polka” is kids ‘ stuff. Get hep to it, though.

Art Carney was a comic singer in radio shows of the ’40s (Pot O’ Gold) and impersonated celebs for humorous/historical effect. His catch phrase (i read) was ‘Ya know what I mean?’ Cartoon faced, he did even better on TV with The Morey Amsterdam Show and The Honeymooners.  If you’re unfamiliar with what a goofball he was, give a listen to his “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” and the inimitable flipside “Santa and the Doodle-Li-Boop.” Now i want one, too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSfGCReks9Q

A good percentage of the novelty songs seem aimed at kids, but the grownups buy ’em so they have to appeal to the adult consumer as well.

Russ Carlyle’s orchestra survived WWII to continue to play ballrooms in the ’50s in the USA. Apparently cashing in on ‘Mommy Kissing’ from last year he enjoins his children, Phillis and Jeffrey Carlyle, to sing “Santa Claus Looks Like My Daddy.”  I suspect helium was huffed during the recording of this vinyl.

After ‘Mockingbird Hill’ Les Paul and Mary Ford did well in 1953 with ‘Vaya Con Dios.’ Their wintertime single was ‘White Christmas’ backed by the childish “Jungle Bells (Dingo-Dongo-Day).” It’s one hep menagerie, cats and kittens.

Borscht Belt funnyman Red Buttons made his splash in show biz in the ’40s. By the ’50s he had his own TV show. The year in question he had a hit record with ‘Strange Things are Happening/The Ho Ho Song’ in which one side of the record one-upped the other. His Christmas entry is “Bow Wow Wants a Boy for Christmas.” Kids love Kosher schmaltz.

Mel Blanc had been a radio fixture since the 1920s. With his mastery of accents he kept us racist through the ’30s and ’40s in The Jack Benny Program, his own show briefly, and Warner Brothers’ cartoons. In 1953 he recorded “Ya Das Ist Ein Christmas Tree” with flipside “I Tan’t Wait ‘Til Quithmuth Day.” It’s all one take, folks. No splicing, no editing.

Corporate kiddie giveaway holiday records (VERY cheaply made–but FREE) start in earnest in the ’50s and i wish i could find more of the tens of thousands surely out there somewhere from a time before social media. “Merry Christmas Song” courtesy of Precision Plastics Co. has been kindly rescued by Raymond T to give us a taste. I also love a recovered freebie uncovered by Pete the Elf for which i can find no further info (could be from the ’40s, but it doesn’t sound like it). I call it “Merry Christmas from Line Materials.” You’ll know why when you hear the ending refrain. (P.S. i found out later it’s from 1960… shh, don’t tell)

Cricket Records was born out of Pickwick Sales greeting cards. In 1953 they issued dozens of 78s from ‘The Ballad of Davy Crockett,’ to “The Mexican Hat Dance,’ to ‘Jesus Loves Me.’ For Christmas another dozen mostly original songs were recorded by a stable of talent known as The Cricketone Players (no credit to the likes of Gene Autry, Dennis Day, and Boris Karloff). The album collecting these, that i grew up with, appeared in racks in 1959. It sold for $1.98. Off that album, here is “Little Christmas Stocking with a Hole in the Toe.” It’s formative stuff, gang.

So what does this amazing year have to offer for novelty songs? After the tremendous humor of Freberg, the childish glee of Peevey, the gonzo goofiness of Louis Armstrong, and the earthy purr of Kitt…well, a bit more humor, glee, and goofiness.

Long after leaving Spike Jones, Homer and Jethro are still playing up their backwoods tomfoolery parodying already novelty Christmas numbers like “All I Want for Christmas is My Upper Plate” (b/w “I Saw Mommy Smoochin’ Santy Claus“). And yet, these are merely palate cleansers.

Long before the Chipmunks, Ross Bagdasarian, as David Seville, tried for a singing career. He was serious and funny at the same time. In “Let’s Have a Merry Merry Christmas” he punches up the pathos of horrible holiday times to a bit of a comic effect.

Teresa Brewer, that big pop star of the ’50s, was also known for her novelty records. Xmas 1953 featured her hit “Too Fat for the Chimney.” (flipside “I Just Can’t Wait for Christmas“). Ruby Sunshine, the hillbilly girl wonder of ‘I’m Too Old for Toys (Too Young for Boys),’ tore off a piece of that as well. Gisele Mackenzie, the Canuck girl equivalent (her UK hit this year: ‘Seven Lonely Days’) ALSO dropped this funny tune. But my favorite of this PG play on Ella’s 1950 ‘Stuck in My Chimney,’ is from human cartoon, Jerry ‘Who’s Yehudi!?’ Colonna. This stentorian Bob Hope sidekick was the voice for the March Hare in the old Disney ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and made an impression wherever he appeared. You may also recognize his imitable style from many a caricature in Bugs/Daffy cartoons.

’52 is a bit too serious for me. The children’s and novelty songs are not piling up in places i can find them.

This is strange, because 1952 was the year little 13-year-old Jimmy Boyd hit number one on the Billboard pop singles chart with ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.’ Novelty Christmas songs don’t hardly do that. It’ll be a kids’ world next year, baby.

Okay. Well. Let’s see. There’s Les Baxter and orchestra with “Santa Claus’ Party.” Many a hosted cartoon show started with worse music than this.

Let’s leave it at this. Country child singer Molly Bee (later a sidekick on The Pinky Lee Show) (who was also 13 at this time) shot out another version of ‘Kissing,’ Or two. On a Capitol Records childrens release (“Bozo Approved!”), was added a flipside covering Petula Clark’s “Where Did My Snowman Go?” (That was also recorded this year by Patti Page and Spike Jones w/Linda Strangis.) Can’t a girl get a writer for an original? Well, maybe… On an additional 1952 45 of ‘Kissing’ was added “Willy Claus, Little Son of Santa Claus.” This was written by an authentic lyricist, Mel Leven. I don’t know any other version of it though. Whew.

Well, the baby boom is well under way now, so let’s unleash the flood of terrible children’s Christmas tunes. Sure this holiday is all about the wee ones, and we sing about The Baby… but it’s also about the chart toppers. And i know everyone grew up with some strange song continually looped through those long childish nights of list making and being good which means something special to each without meaning squat to anyone else–isn’t that what Christmas really is all about?

Trying to recapture his surprise sensation from 1949 (you know, dasher and dancer and prancer ad nauseum?) Gene Autry records a reindeer math equation: “32 Feet and 8 Little Tails of White.” Hey, where’s Rudolph?

Also hoping that silly kids’ stuff will buy him a new home Tennessee Ernie Ford chimes in with “Rootin’ Tootin’ Santa Claus.” TEF’s earthy baritone services the Lord a mite better than that merry old elf. (What did you think of his last note? yikes.)

Rosemary Clooney adds to the Winter canon of slightly-scary mythical figures with “Suzy Snowflake.” It’s not really Christmas, but that’s when it got sold.

Centaur Productions begins their truly disturbing stop-motion Christmas cartoon business this year with “The Three Little Dwarves,” more of Santa’s helpers (which are so much more Disney than elves, donchaknow). If you didn’t live in Chicago you might not have seen this every year. If you did then you might enjoy the awesome parody by TV Funhouse, “Tingles, The Christmas Tension.”

A quick word from our sponsor: the hope for all humanity.

I’m sure some of you are thinking: with the crass modernization/commercialization of Christmas what about the death of all spirituality, the death of JC’s message, the death of the common good…? (You know: figurative death!?)

We got you covered, English majors everywhere.

Here on tax day we cash in all our chips and pay Caesar his due: a candied-up punk protest agin the the manufacturers and the media and The Machine with The Culture in Memoriam’s “Santa’s Song.” (Spoiler alert: someone jolly gets crucified!)