Category: blues

Yee Haw-liday: he’s what’s under the tree

Losing sight of the prairie for a mo, cowboys have become such an icon they might stand in for the perfect boyfriend. Or that’s what unwashed men want to hear in song. For the holidays.

A plaintive plea from Jenny Tolman, “Cowboy for Christmas” reads as country sad, like a messy room with a lone scented candle about to burn down to the sloppy quick.

Kennedy Fitzsimmons & Tera Lynne Fister apply the honky tonk sultry to their “Cowboy for Christmas.” A bit more sexy, but so quietly desperate.

Michelle Dyck in the basement does her medicated best with a ‘Hippopotamus’ parody: “I Want a Sexy Cowboy for Christmas,” screeching over the original on the tape deck. Okay, slightly clever.

Traditional country pop from The Heels, “Cowboy for Christmas” paints a Hallmark Holiday Feature for all.

Pure pop from SaraBeth, “Cowboy for Christmas” specifies the Texas variety, but does remind Santa to put holes in the box.

Lindi Ortega leads the gang in “All I Want for Christmas is a Cowboy,” a barn burner of a blues tune that echoes in the rafters. Sounds like she’ll eat ‘im.

Merry Criminals! prison

Locked up for the long haul gets old. Days come, days go. Then Christmas is in there somewhere. No family. No festivities. Hmm.

The Professor Brothers get oddly falsetto bee bop calling out roll on who’s in a worse mood for “Prisoner Christmas.” Tone down that boo hoo in the refrain, guys.

Charlie & the Bhoys get lugubriously Celtic with “A Prisoners Christmas.” A little boy gets a lecture in how they endure Xmas in lock down. Political prisoners, actually. Tiocfaidh ár lá!

Showtime at The 4th Annual Joe Iconis Christmas Spectacular, December 18, 2011. “Prisoner’s Christmas Song” from Ray Munoz chains swamp blues to musical. A bit scary for all its silliness.

Bashing and crashing on the guitar Matt Roach offkey-rocks “The Inmates Holiday.” There will be orange violence.

“Christmas in Prison” is the appropriate dirge to count the lost time to. John Prine has just the right gruff hoarseness to bring you way down from the merriment. The Boxmasters add a bit more life to it, though. Maybe a skoosh deadpan. My favorite cover of the Prine pining comes from Doug Legacy and the Legends of the West. Sad, yet a party.

Then i discovered this monster concept album Payday 2, A Merry Payday Christmas, the soundtrack to a videogame. Simon Viklund is the composer at Overkill/Starbreeze which developed ‘Payday 2.’ So he made this bad-ass musical about a caper and the resultant “Christmas in Prison.” Rock the prison blues, man.

Merry Criminals! jail

Bummer. You did not beat the rap and now you’re in that purgatory without glory, jail. Behind bars gives you time to reflect. And sing.

The Youngsters dropped the original lament “Christmas in Jail” back around 1956. This doo wop spells out the sentence.

Channeling Johnny Cash, Jonathan Coulton observes “Christmas in Jail.” It’s a letter home explaining not apologizing.

Do You Hear What I Hear (feat. Dean) wrangles down some blues with their “Jail for Christmas.” Repentance will go a long way, son. Keep crying.

Comedy break from The Bob and Tom Show: Donnie Baker recites his own criminal “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Not so much a song, but Pete the Elf shared that with me.

Parody up! The Christmas Pranksters jolly up the need for Mom’s bail with “Jingle Bells, Christmas Sales.” She allegedly fought ‘like Mike Tyson, when someone grabbed her gift.’

Selena Garcia brings the blues some heat with “Hold Up Holidays.” She wants the calendar to pause while working out the jailtime. I’d hear her out, Father Time.

Dependent Claus: him or him

Will Mrs. Claus confront the man in her life about the other man (men?)? Could be a fight coming–

Santa better get outta their way when Kyle Tennis & The Riverside Swing Band confess their swinging blues feelings for “Mrs. Claus.”

Not exactly pressing the ultimatum, Craig Sperry knows how “Mrs. Claus” would be better off. Raw blues rock. Spookily sincere for its absurdity.

Dependent Claus: interoffice dalliance

Santa’s not worried about leaving Mrs. Claus by her lonesome. I mean, who else is she going to stray unto? Look down!

Throwing Toasters delivers a smitten love story with some driving rock beat in their “Mrs. Claus.” It starts with drinkin’ hot chocolate from a decanter with one of the boys,,,,

Drive-By Truckers slop up a serving of swamp blues with “Mrs. Claus’s Kimono.” Just want a little elvish sex, to pay the old man back. What could go wrong?

Dependent Claus: working late

As Mrs. Claus evolves, she’s hashtagged neglected because the Saint of the house is gone for 24 hours one day of the year. (Wait, given the rotation of the earth, and the length of the solticial night… is he gone 30 hours… 36?)

Cornball country from Skip Ewing asks the patient matron not to cry with his dismissive “Mrs. Santa Claus.” Later is good enuf, y’know. [Jim Jensen makes this one more middle of the road. Adding insult to injury.] [The Oak Ridge Boys make this some big ho ho joke. Beer better be open by the time you bring it!]

Singing the blues with funky raw blues, The Eerie county Monster Hunters do not sugarcoat “Mrs. Claus’s Blues.” She’ll be alone this Christmas, tho i picture her smokin’ and drinkin’ and cheatin’ at solitaire while doin’ so.

Short Term Memory lays out the whole sordid abandonment issue with “Mrs. Claus Has the Blues for Christmas.” Sultry jazzy blues. Stranded woman ahead!

EX-Mas, wallowing

It’s over. You’re alone. Christmas day. Look around. Whaddya got? SELF-PITY!!

Banging on the toy piano Mind’s Eye circles the drain with “This Christmas Sucks,” but it’s worth the wailing guitar solo. Angry over lost love!

Steve Lukather & Friends hammer rock into the blues with “Broken Heart for Christmas.” Is that a happy ending after all, or are you so deluded with sorrow you imagined it?