Whaddya say about nothing? I’m talking ’bout Christmas… i mean empty stockings, uncluttered trees, echoing expanses… well, then it’s time for the blues.
Maybe some really want coal for their Christmas offering.
James Leo Oliver pops a yarn about Grampa wishing he’d receive “Coal for Christmas” because, hoo-doggies it’s a cold one out there.
Woozy blues from William Wyatt tout the benefits of not freezing to death with his “Big Hunk o’ Coal” tribute. Wave your lighter carefully for this one, it’s combustible.
Some previous hits on our blog need a revisit here. Santa as a coal miner is such an obvious stretch it appears more than once in songs.
Theocracy nails “All I Want for Christmas” with power rock demanding Santa get his ‘old job back!’ Witty and gritty. Guitar solo is less than ten minutes, though.
Adolphe Adam has a weirder Bob Dylan-esque blues number full of jazzy ephemera, “Santa Had a Dream.” This is the ballad of a poor coal miner who dreams of presents, children, and flight. What a life-changing journey.
Losing sight of the prairie for a mo, cowboys have become such an icon they might stand in for the perfect boyfriend. Or that’s what unwashed men want to hear in song. For the holidays.
A plaintive plea from Jenny Tolman, “Cowboy for Christmas” reads as country sad, like a messy room with a lone scented candle about to burn down to the sloppy quick.
Kennedy Fitzsimmons & Tera Lynne Fister apply the honky tonk sultry to their “Cowboy for Christmas.” A bit more sexy, but so quietly desperate.
Michelle Dyck in the basement does her medicated best with a ‘Hippopotamus’ parody: “I Want a Sexy Cowboy for Christmas,” screeching over the original on the tape deck. Okay, slightly clever.
Traditional country pop from The Heels, “Cowboy for Christmas” paints a Hallmark Holiday Feature for all.
Pure pop from SaraBeth, “Cowboy for Christmas” specifies the Texas variety, but does remind Santa to put holes in the box.
Lindi Ortega leads the gang in “All I Want for Christmas is a Cowboy,” a barn burner of a blues tune that echoes in the rafters. Sounds like she’ll eat ‘im.
Celebrity birthdays on Christmas Day have some weird following somewhere somehow. So, let’s swing Keys-ward to Margarita-ville.
“Happy Birthday Jesus and Jimmy Buffett” is more fun than it oughter be. Rick Carter lays the blues to rock while rhyming ‘stomach’ and ‘Jimmy Buffett.’ Audacious.
Locked up for the long haul gets old. Days come, days go. Then Christmas is in there somewhere. No family. No festivities. Hmm.
The Professor Brothers get oddly falsetto bee bop calling out roll on who’s in a worse mood for “Prisoner Christmas.” Tone down that boo hoo in the refrain, guys.
Charlie & the Bhoys get lugubriously Celtic with “A Prisoners Christmas.” A little boy gets a lecture in how they endure Xmas in lock down. Political prisoners, actually. Tiocfaidh ár lá!
Showtime at The 4th Annual Joe Iconis Christmas Spectacular, December 18, 2011. “Prisoner’s Christmas Song” from Ray Munoz chains swamp blues to musical. A bit scary for all its silliness.
Bashing and crashing on the guitar Matt Roach offkey-rocks “The Inmates Holiday.” There will be orange violence.
“Christmas in Prison” is the appropriate dirge to count the lost time to. John Prine has just the right gruff hoarseness to bring you way down from the merriment. The Boxmasters add a bit more life to it, though. Maybe a skoosh deadpan. My favorite cover of the Prine pining comes from Doug Legacy and the Legends of the West. Sad, yet a party.
Then i discovered this monster concept album Payday 2, A Merry Payday Christmas, the soundtrack to a videogame. Simon Viklund is the composer at Overkill/Starbreeze which developed ‘Payday 2.’ So he made this bad-ass musical about a caper and the resultant “Christmas in Prison.” Rock the prison blues, man.
Bummer. You did not beat the rap and now you’re in that purgatory without glory, jail. Behind bars gives you time to reflect. And sing.
The Youngsters dropped the original lament “Christmas in Jail” back around 1956. This doo wop spells out the sentence.
Channeling Johnny Cash, Jonathan Coulton observes “Christmas in Jail.” It’s a letter home explaining not apologizing.
Do You Hear What I Hear (feat. Dean) wrangles down some blues with their “Jail for Christmas.” Repentance will go a long way, son. Keep crying.
Comedy break from The Bob and Tom Show: Donnie Baker recites his own criminal “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Not so much a song, but Pete the Elf shared that with me.
Parody up! The Christmas Pranksters jolly up the need for Mom’s bail with “Jingle Bells, Christmas Sales.” She allegedly fought ‘like Mike Tyson, when someone grabbed her gift.’
Selena Garcia brings the blues some heat with “Hold Up Holidays.” She wants the calendar to pause while working out the jailtime. I’d hear her out, Father Time.
