Category: Caroldies (parodies of carols)

From Runaway, The Musical “The World Keeps Spinning” begins with Christmas 2017. It’s depressing, but a show tune.

Vampire Weekend sings “How Long” in 2019 about how it seems like Halloween since Christmas 2017. This little pop hand plucker synths existential angst into dreamy verse. As it should be.

The Holderness Family returns with their “Christmas Jammies 2017” this time with fan videos celebrating triumphs throughout the white nation.

It all started for Malinda’s honesty in 2017. Refugees, student loan debt, and forest fires vs. ice bucket challenge, the eradication of polio, and hope make for “An Honest Christmas Song for 2017.”

Whoops, lemme sneak some I missed: With 6000 miles between us, Gastronomical Unit wants to funk you a “Christmas from Far Away.” Damn, that’s good.

And, should give a nod to Sam & Bill’s “Hanukkah Party.” 5759 is the date for the Diaspora, I presume. Got this in album form (Christmas in July) only, but boy is this worth it. Or cut to 3:24 and join the worst party ever. BLUE ALERT!

Unfortunate parodies of novelty songs bode poorly, but the randomness of “All I Want for Christmas is a Two Ton Sheep” with its zany electronica and spoiled child vocals saves the day. Wool done, W. Michael Lewis.

A million social justice wars…

A million brand new toys may be a real accounting for Santa’s workshop, but it’s a strong con for “Santa’s Day Off” around the holidays. Rock from Storm of Crows.

Alvaro Jesus Gomez & William Alexander Marquis IV bummer out the wish list with “All I Want for Christmas is (1 Million Cigarettes).” Hipster blues reverb.

What about the starving poor? Or whatever. What about the tented millions on the streets of fear? rock on Parousia with “The King of Christmas.” Better listen up.

Then there’s the millions of unemployed. “Merry Xmas Everybody” is the sardonic bastardization the Irish excel at. The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican deliver with aplomb.

Yogi Yorgeson’s Stan Boreson and Doug Setterberg come at the ‘Rudolph’ song eyes wide open. With their Scandihoovian accents and veiled drug references (a rooty-toot-toot!) “Ragnar the Flat-Nosed Reindeer” is one happenin’ hoofer.

Surely the hateful eight of Santa’s reindeer are all dead by now. Does he just rename replacements like The Simpsons do with their cats (Snowball 5)? Are there OTHER reindeer to sing about?

Frank L Baum (the Oz guy) rhapsodized a Santa poem and named ten: Racer and Pacer, Fearless and Peerless, Ready and Steady, Feckless and Speckless. Cool, that. But no songs.

“Adolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer” from classic comedy songster Dave Rudolph gives us a rollicking kidsong peek into how reindeers get ahead at the North Pole. Not that everyone loved him; there’s a reason that name is no longer christened these days. Sorry to start on a ‘Rudolph’ parody, but–unavoidable.

Any other humor we can inject into the Rudolph song? How’s about the scatalogical?

“Rudolph Don’t Go” is Kristen Key’s kidsong entry into Christmas poop. Guess what it’s about?!

“Santa and Rudolph’s Poop Contest” also does NOT bury the lede. Lil Poverty Angels get word salad rap ready.

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Hemorrhoid” is Matt ‘The Toilet Bowl Cleaners’ Farley’s depiction of holiday distress.

“Rudolph Dropped a Package on My Rooftop” is the clever yet country humor of Brad Tassell and Steve Goodie.

“Rudolph the Reindeer (S**t on My Lawn)” is The Flatworms’s garage nastiness (it’s like black cottage cheese!).

Sorry, everyone. I can’t feature any of these. So let’s end on a big downer, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (a rendition in minor key)” from Tempus Cucumis (Time of the cucumber??) This is more than shitty, this is enormously doomy. See, the ending is changed from happy to– well, you’ll see.

Riffing off ‘Rudolph’ Jeff Grant strums with wit and sibling rivalry sniping at each of the reindeer (and Santa) until settling on “Comet, the Black-Nosed Reindeer” as the regular Joe of the bunch. Half a laugh more than i thought it’d get.

Let’s pretend a ‘Rudolph’ parody is a funny thing. And now…

TheOdd1sOut “Prancer the Normal-Nosed Reindeer” writes itself. Maybe it should go listen to itself as well.

This guy garnered so much attention with that previous song, came back with the “Prancer Rap.” Also short, also derivative. Still fun. Bleeped out ass, so there’s that.